Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

[AnyaMarx]

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

It's all very well saying 'I wouldn't date a bin man' on here, but in reality if you met a gorgeous man on a night out, who made you laugh a lot and was kind and considerate, then turned out to be a bin man ... you probably would date him. Wouldn't you? I would anyway. If you click, you click.

I wouldn’t. Each to their own.

I find it very strange that OP is so bothered about this. Multiple posts on the other thread and now a new one. Just accept that not everyone will want to date you but lots of people will based on many, many reasons.

As others have said, it

To add, it depends on how old you/they are. In their 20s, so much can still change, it could be a stop gap. In their 50s, (like I am now), probably not.

Although in Australia the truck does all the work, there are no bin men who actually touch the bins, so a little bit different?

My DB is a builder, and it's hard work. And his body is knackered from it. When our DNephews (not his DC, my DSister's) did work experience with him he deliberately found the hardest jobs he could legally make them do (like cleaning all the tools) started the day at 5.30 am, etc. He did this deliberately to give them the incentive to knuckle down and go to uni.... they both did engineering so it worked.

I'm encouraging my DSs to make the most of themselves, and they both look like they're heading to uni. If they weren't going to be uni bound I'd help them find a good apprenticeship with great future potential. If I want the best for them, why wouldn't I want the best for me? Why is the first admirable, but the second shallow?

The only way in which it would matter to me is if it was a lifestyle/shifts that didn't suit what I wanted rather than the job itself. My first serious relationship was with someone in the military for example and I wouldn't date someone in forces again just because for me I found it hard with them being away so much.

Shit, erased most of my post by accident!

Anyway, as others have said, it's fine to apply whatever criteria you like with regard to whom you date. You might end up narrowing the field unnecessarily and restricting your options, but that will only really affect you so it isn't really a problem.

It isn't necessary or acceptable in my view to give voice to all of the criteria that you might apply though. Some things are best kept private!

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
Might be a bad idea IRL. Depends on your audience I guess.

It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?
you can’t police peoples thoughts.
and you don’t have to date someone because it’s “not acceptable” to refuse to. That’s silly.

There would absolutely be some jobs I'd avoid .
Butcher
Abattoir worker
Game keeper
Meat processing factory worker
Fishmonger
Embalmer

Not status related but these give me the ick

Personally I need a partner who has similar values to me. As a pacifist I wouldn't date someone in the military. As an environmentalist I would date someone who worked int he petroleum industry. I would struggle with someone who's job was purely about making them rich rather than improving our world.
I also wouldn't vote someone who voted Tory (particularly at the moment), who voted Brexit, who were anti abortion, where racist, homophobic, xenophobic or sexist. Anyone that had been in prison for violence, hurting a child, or sexual inappropriateness. Was heavily into porn, was a gambler, heavy drinker or drug user. Refused to travel, try new experiences, or had to eat the same food every week. I would also avoid someone not solvent, who wanted children (no more for me), didn't like children.
They could look like anything, dress anyway which way, have any accent, they would have to loved dogs and most importantly be easy going.
Luckily I'm married to a man who ticks all these boxes. TBF he definitely wasn't solvent when we met but I didn't care then. And he wanted kids but so did I 25 years ago.

On a tangent but how can the truck do all the work? How do the bins get to the truck?

There very regular threads about how dreadful the armed forces are because they never just ‘the lifestyle wouldn’t work for me’ it’s always what dreadful, wife beating psychopaths they are. It’s sad to hear because I see first hand what sacrifices people make to keep others in this country safe.

DH is in the armed forces, before that he spent his 20s working for NGOs developing projects in developing countries to get girls into school and fund businesses for women in patriarchal societies. I’d hazard a guess he’s done a lot more good than those berating the armed forces.

There is nothing wrong in deciding a person's potential for a date based on their job/looks/personality because that decision is based on your own personal preferences. Last time I looked that wasn't morally wrong, harmful to others or illegal.

We all have preferences and thats ok. Its ok to discuss preferences with friends etc. But what its not ok to do is blatantly turn someone down and say something like 'I don't date gingers' and be deliberately cruel when you can politely turn them down with a 'sorry, I'm not dating right now/sorry I'm seeing someone'.

For what its worth, I wouldn't date someone unemployed but have been asked out a lot by unemployed men. I just politely turn them down. I'm never mean to someone.

Well I would probably ifnd it difficult to date someone who was actively aiding a workplace I had serious moral objections to. E.g I probably wouldn't be rushing into bed with an arms dealer, or a BNP politician.

As an aside, I find it interesting you list a defense lawyer as one of your examples of jobs people would surely hate to date. You know that defense lawyers (and the right to representation) is a corner stone of our justice system and that they will represent many many innocent people, as well as guilty ones. But even guilty people deserve representation to ensure that justice prevails. In the UK there are also lots of rules to what the lawyers can and can't do (it's not like the US shows) and they cannot lie to the courty if they know their client is guilty (they might suspect, but if they know they have a duty to the court no to lie and the defense will be focused on disproving the prosecution's evidence). They are still officers of the court.

Not sure why women are questioned for not being "equal opportunities" when men are not.

Try old and meeting a guy who decides your not his physical type on meeting, you'd be dumped faster than a doggy poo bag.

They don't date women for any number of reasons and they dont seem to ask each other questions like this about their justification.

*you're

Curious - are you vegan?

Ok to do it but keep it to yourself otherwise people will just get offended (“but my second cousin is in the army and he’s amaaaaazing…” type of thing). Also you have to screen somehow otherwise you’d end up dating everyone just to give them a chance.

I wouldnt date someone in the forces as I knew I didn’t want to move (ds with local dad and I gave local family here) or be without my partner for significant chunks of time, both of which are likely with forces. I never encountered any met detectives so it wasn’t a decision that needed to be made!

it’s also not always about disparaging someone’s job or them as a person, it’s just making an assumption that you probably won’t have as much in common as someone else. Choosing a partner has to be done selfishly otherwise it’s not fair on either of you.

Of course it’s ok to not date somebody based on their job. Would you date an arms dealer? Drug dealer? People trafficker? Even if they were really nice?

You seem to be offended that people feel the same way about soldiers and police officers, when for them it is the exact same thing. They may have direct experiences which have led to this view - are you telling women to ignore their own judgement about their safety?

It is fine to follow whatever arbitrary rules you like when screening potential partners; it's possible you may rule out some very nice people by doing this but it is completely your own business and you know what you find attractive in a partner more than anyone else does.

I do think that when discussing your preferences (IRL and online) then it would be prudent to consider other peoples' feelings when declaring your preferences, so ok in a confidential chat with your bestie to admit you wouldn't date a ginger/man under 5'7"/binman or whatever but there is no need to express such things in a more public way as you are inevitably going to hurt someone's feelings.

My husband has a low status job but we met when we were kids and I fancied him that much his job didn’t even come into the equation. He was funny, popular and a bit of a Jack the lad who ticked my boxes at the time. He looked good on my arm 😂. At the time, I also had a low status job.

As it turns out we have grown together. We are older now with three kids/teens. I qualified as a clin psych whilst he remained in his job that he’s always been happy enough in. He’s a wonderful father, who is never stressed, and has plenty of time for his family. Also, he’s never been jealous of me having a higher status job, and it’s never threatened him.

I have a few colleagues who’s husbands can’t really cope with them having a high status job despite them also having a fairly good job. They sound like dicks to be honest and just make me all the more grateful for my husband and family dynamic. I think if we both had high stress roles our family life would look very different.

When I was a kid my mum always used to ask me and my sister would we date a bin man purely for entertainment purposes and never to judge. I always said yes and my sister always said no 😂. She married someone with a lot of money/status but for various reasons I know I’m the happiest one deep down 😜.

Surely i's perfectly acceptable to say you wouldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who would require you to move constantly, or be apart from you for long periods. Regardless of what you think of the military.

I am/was pretty opposed to the army in many ways - not the people personally, but the idea of armed conflict, and the way as an insitution it is run - and went on a course with lots of military people. It did change my perception of people in the military and I feel there is a lot being done to change the way the forces are run for the better, but hearing about the reality of the life style definitely confirmed I would not want to live that life.

I find ambition really attractive. So - if they were a bin man so they could spend the afternoon wiring a book they want to publish then I would find that attractive. But if they are a bin man with nothing else to do, I don't think I'd go for that.
Btw - I'm also very ambitious so it just wouldn't work if I was in a relationship with someone who had no drive.

Men have similar discussions.

• would you date a sex worker?
• would you date a woman who makes more money than you?
• would you date a fat woman?
• would you date a “high maintenance” woman?
• would you date a famous woman?
• would you date a much older woman?
• would you date a woman from a different race or religion?
• would you date an immigrant?

And they’re questioned just as much by society on their preferences.

I really wouldn't mind what someone did as long as it was legal and they were a good person and I found them attractive. My ex worked fixing railway tracks.
I'm a cleaner so I daresay that would put a lot of people off me though!

@Nordicrain sorry, of course it’s fine to say you couldn’t live the lifestyle. That’s never what people say on these threads though, it always ‘I couldn’t date a soldier because they are all psychopaths with PTSD and beat their wives’. People like me rightly feel defensive because we know it isn't true and how hard the armed forces work and how much they sacrifice.