Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

[AnyaMarx]

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

I'd say no but I'm generally accepting of anyone that works / works hard. Some of my more shallow contemporaries might have different opinions.

That said, there definitely seem to be more men dating overweight women than the other way around. Yes, you do see some wealthy men with gorgeous women (wonder why lol) but in general women get away with being plump much better in the dating world as nobody wants a 'curvy' man.

Don't know what happened there!

I would not date some occupations, but not because of stereotypes. For instance, I wouldn't date someone who works in an abattoir. It doesn't align with my personal values.

I also wouldn't date someone in the armed forces. The danger inherent in the job is not something I could deal with.

@MovinGroovinBarbie

I couldn’t have married a fat guy. I am also a bit of a fatty though so talk about double standards 😂😂.

The only job I would rule out is the military, not because I'm a pacifist or don't respect what they do. It's just not the lifestyle I want (I'm the child of a serviceman)

Of course. I did most (but not all) of my recent dating online and you get a snapshot. Everything can be extrapolated- maybe incorrectly but I didn't have time to date everyone. I was interested in men who had a similar level of education and ambition to me. I've never been driven by money but I do need to know a partner is engaged in the wider world than just their own family or community.

I turned down someone in marketing for a cigarette/vape company (and actually told him why our values were incompatible), someone who worked for the family chain of shops as he seemed totally codependent (didn't tell him why), a few in academia who spent too much, in my view, of their spare time hanging out with undergrads at nearly 40, farmers as I didn't want to be tied down to the area I live in now, a surgeon as he was utterly about his work with zero interest or capacity outside (not all were like that).

I absolutely do not owe anyone a chance romantically in the same way I would owe them a job interview if they have the most suitable qualifications. The thing is sensitivity though. It is possible to be as choosy as you like, on whatever basis in this area, but not be obnoxious about it. Just say 'no thanks' to a date if asked and move on. Why make people feel bad? The world needs defence lawyers and bin men for wider systems to work. Cigarette marketers, not so much in my view.

There are certain professions I wouldn’t date. A soldier for instance I’d be scared if I fell for them and then they were deployed somewhere I’d be so anxious the whole time. I also couldn’t do the time apart so any job that requires people to spend time away I don’t think I’d cope with that.

But I think that’s fair to say as if you’re seriously dating you are thinking long term and how things would work if you lived together, had kids etc.

Actually I don’t think it’s about being ‘as bad as men’. There are things men, on the whole, do better than women and being clear about what they want / going for what they want is one of them. You can be clear and polite.

I think it's OK not to date anyone for any reason. However there are reasons that would make me not want to be friends with the person choosing not to date. If a friend of mine said she had rejected someone based on looks alone, or if they had a job she considered beneath her, I would reevaluate that friendship. However, I think it's fine to reject on the strength of incompatible values, moral, political or religious.

A potential date's job is pretty important really. It's something that takes up a huge bulk of their life so you'll have a fairly good idea of their lifestyle and availability. If you want a partner to be with you 24/7 and then to be all in with family life, don't go on a date with someone whose work requires a lot of travel or last-minute changes of plan or long hours. Someone's job is a huge clue about their compatibility.

That's not a moral judgment though. If you won't date a tradesman because you think they're "beneath" you, well you're entitled to do what you want but that makes you an awful snob.

Having said that there are a few occupations I'd never date, mostly for political reasons: Tory MP, anyone in the police, anyone in immigration control, anyone in the military. I'm opposed to too much of what those institutions represent and I assume anyone working for them either has a world view I oppose or doesn't stand up for their own principles.

😂😂😂

We can defo get away with having a few more love handles than men. Having a big bum isn't seen as a bad thing nowadays. But men with big bellies and hips etc are defo a turn off.

As an Army wife, I completely understand the lifestyle not being compatible point. Its not easy.

However lots of soldiers can spend their while career on one base these days and there's not much travel at the moment. However there is always that uncertainty... so I get it isn't for everyone

As for judging people on their physical characteristics, well physical attraction is paramount and we all have preferences. But there's really no need to say them out loud. Just move on and go for what actually attracts you rather than banging on about how disgusting ginger/short/bald/whatever men are.

I certainly wouldn't have hard red lines over any particular profession (with the possible exception of a sitting Tory MP).

As PPs have said you can reject someone for any reason you like and I don't think there's anything wrong with rejecting a person because you don't like the way they do their job. But has to be case by case as opposed to a blanket objection to the type of job. That's a very blunt instrument which misses a lot of subtlety and nuance.

Quite a lot of the reasons people have cited for rejecting certain jobs don't really stand up to rational scrutiny. For example: ruling out bin men seems odd. Bin men are actually a) absolutely vital for society b) relatively well paid for this sort of work and c) incredibly hard working. Yes it's not a sexy job and I dare say the scope for progression is limited but it's important, honest and hard work.

Also a lot of "creative" jobs which sound great on paper are actually, once unpicked, cover stories for flakiness or people living off their parents' incomes. It's very easy to call yourself an "artist" if you live on a trust fund and paint a couple of murals for the council once a year. Nothing wrong with this per se but the glamorous title belies the reality. Ditto many actors, writers, bloggers, journalists, a lot of musicians.

My own personal job bias has always been people working in finance and the City, who I always assumed to be braying red-trousered Hoorays who all vote Tory and want to do nothing more than play golf. But as with most professions there are nice people and arseholes. More fool me for pigeonholing.

Also these days blue collar jobs are increasingly well paid and secure compared with the sorts of white collar jobs which degrees are supposed to prepare people for. So the time honoured bias against plumbers or sparkies in favour of accountants or lawyers doesn't really make sense these days.

If a friend of mine said she had rejected someone based on looks alone, or if they had a job she considered beneath her, I would reevaluate that friendship.

But realistically almost everybody will factor physical attraction in.

It we are saying women cannot choose not to date men based on their occupation then we are saying that:

Vegans would have to consider dating butchers
Someone whos father died of lung cancer would have to consider dating a cigarette manufacturer
Someone who is pro life would have to consider dating someone who did abortion procedures (I don't agree with the pro life viewpoint but they still should have a choice)

I find it somewhat ironic that the idea that a woman should not be able to choose who to date based on their profession comes from a police officer, given the scandal of undercover police officers having relationships with women, fathering children and the disappearing.

I wonder how this lack of free choice is supposed to look?

I'm not sure how it can be logically squared to say that anyone can say no to dating anyone, but that women ahold not be allowed to say they won't date police officers from the Met. How is that not them exercising their right to say no to dating someone?

I'm a dental nurse and said I'd never date a dentist and ended up marrying one 🤷‍♀️

I think you’ve badly missed the point about that other thread. It’s not about the profession itself. It’s about specific issues with men working in that profession attacking women. HTH

In some examples I get it if there is a moral conflict, like a vegan not wanting to date an abbatoir worker.
The other thread was ridiculous judging a whole profession based on the actions of a few. I didn't comment because I couldn't be bothered with the bun fight.
There are plenty of Met detectives who are bloody good at their jobs and nice people too! It's like saying you would never date a TV presenter because they might groom a ten year old.
There are some challenges. Dating police officers (I haven't but work with many) , sure to shift work , not being able to clock out on time etc, however most people saying that it's their reason for not dating a Met detective probably wouldn't say the same about a hospital doctor....

Of course it is, you can date, or exclude, any person you want.

I'd never date someone on minimum wage. Sounds harsh but I have three kids and I wouldn't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I work in an ok paid job and wouldn't want to subsidise another adult.

It may be different if we had met before kids and I was better paid, but in my current circumstances, I'd either want to be single, or be with someone with an ok or good salary.

I also wouldn't want to do someone who works shifts due to the added headache and burden on me.

I also wouldn't want to be with a workaholic.

That doesn't make me a bad person, and I don't judge people who perform low wage jobs. I've been there, and I actually respect people who don't make work their life. But equally don't want to raise my children in a hard up family where I can avoid it.

It we are saying women cannot choose not to date men based on their occupation then we are saying that:

No one is saying that. Women can choose who to date or not for whatever reason they want. No one else can control that.

But if they choose to vocalise those reasons to friends/acquaintances/message board randoms, then obviously people will have opinions on whether those reasons are sensible or shallow or anything else.

If a friend told me she didn't want to date a banker because they all work such long hours - I'd think that was sensible. If she told me she didn't want to date a binman because she was too good for that - I'd think that was shallow. If she told me she refused to date short men - I'd think OK, do you, but that's something that sounds mean to actually say out loud.

You're subconsciously seen as a 'gold digger' if you don't fancy men with certain occupations.

I prefer white-collar men. I wouldn't date a bin man, shop assistant, or most trade-workers. But I don't verbalise these thoughts because it's not seen as 'socially acceptable'.

It makes perfect sense to avoid someone whose job wouldn't match with the lifestyle that you want, just as you would someone whose hobbies or habits or personality don't. I wouldn't date an oil rig worker because I wouldn't like the idea of managing family alone for three weeks at a time, or to have them off work for their off time. I wouldn't date an army man for the same reasons, or someone whose job would eventually force me to move to continue the relationship (ambassador for example). These things might suit someone else down to the bone, but they're not for me. In the same way, I am not particularly bothered about money, so how much their job earns wouldn't be a massive consideration. But it's also perfectly fine to want someone who earns as much as you so that you can have the lifestyle and stability that you're after.

People are allowed preferences surely. I wouldn't date a police officer or a soldier for example, because their career choice would mean we'd have little in common. I also wouldn't date some people with specific physical characteristics I don't find attractive. I don't think I'd vocalise the physical characteristics thing because that feels harsh. But there's nothing wrong with having a preference.

I'm married to a short, rather large man on NMW btw so I'm not exactly picky! But there are absolutely some people I just wouldn't go for.

It's like saying you would never date a TV presenter because they might groom a ten year old.

That wouldn't be my specific reason not to date a TV presenter but there is a wider ranging issue around things like the BBC covering up around Jimmy Saville, and then presenters knowing about Schofield but not speaking up etc. It speaks to an environment where its seen as more appropriate to not speak out about inappropriate behaviour, so yes that might put me off a TV presenter, depending on where they worked etc.