Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

[AnyaMarx]

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

Just to add, I would probably feel similarly about a relationship with someone in a job that meant that they were never around at home. E.g. a city corporate lawyer. I assume you think that's ok though? because city lawyers aren't risking their lives for their country.

@AnImaginaryCat you just line your bins up on the kerb and the trucks have an arm that lifts them up, over the bin and tips them into the truck.

I’d never date a bald man or a fat man-but would happily be friends with them. Sexual attraction is an area where you go with your feelings. You’re not interviewing someone for a job or provide a service-so date who you like.

Not sure why women are questioned for not being "equal opportunities" when men are not

Try old and meeting a guy who decides your not his physical type on meeting, you'd be dumped faster than a doggy poo bag

They don't date women for any number of reasons and they dont seem to ask each other questions like this about their justification

Absolutely this. I’m not going to be shamed into having dating preferences when men do it all the damn time. As for the “they are held accountable” for that- BS. By whom? Never in my life have I heard a man tell another man he should give a woman he doesn’t find attractive a chance because “she has a great personality”! What a load of utter garbage

I think it’s ok to rule out jobs based on practical incompatibilities.

It becomes prejudice when the reason a certain job is ruled out is because you believe everyone in that job is a racist, misogynist, domestic abuser, war-monger, psychopath, narcissist, corrupt, no self-respect, no ambition, no drive, unskilled, (as we’ve seen listed in this thread) that it becomes morally questionable and often can be distinctly classist in tone.

To answer the question, I wouldn't,date anyone whose,values and lifestyle did not align with mine, so no sexists, racists , different political views, different ideas about raising children etc -actual job wouldn't bother me at all.

A lot of things go out the window when you have chemistry.
It's much easier to overlook the height of someone if they make you laugh and share an interest.

Online dating skews the wishlist, and so people are rejected on jobs/height/picture with a python as not being right on paper (which is fine it's a minefield).

So that’s the standard? To be as good as men? How depressing.

I work at a senior level in my job.

What I find is that many men tend to judge high-earning women negatively, and my EXDP actively resented my career.

I wouldn't actively pursue a relationship with someone who earned a tenth of what I do, as would be the case with e.g. a bin man, as it would severely restrict my lifestyle.

I already have DC so I'm not looking to build a family, just to spend time with someone who enjoys being with me.

My mate used to tell women in night clubs that he was a producer in the pop industry. He worked on the packing line at Coca-Cola.

Yes. Seems to work for them doesn’t it? Considering they hold most positions of power/control. I find it depressing you think men are fine to carry on doing this but women should “be kind”. Why is that double standard ok?

How depressing and typical.

It's acceptable for me to choose whatever reason I don't want to date someone, job being one of them and I have far more other trivial reasons I won't date someone. I am not employing them so no equal rights needed.

I can't think of any job that would mean I'd rule a person out.

@jay55

I agree. I fancied my husband that much and was just exceptionally keen to get him into bed first and foremost 😂. I didn’t actually think about his job lol.

Anyway being a bin man is quite hazardous, particularly with impatient cars speeding past etc. One bin man died in my locality not too long ago as unfortunately he ended up in the actual truck. I think that was a freak accident though mind, but it was awful as it happened not too far away 😔.

I think you have to make fairly quick judgements on people when deciding whether or not to date them, without knowing them on anything more than a superficial level.

For me there’s got to be physical chemistry and a matched intellect, that’s my hard line. Some people’s jobs, political leanings, hobbies etc give me a glimpse as to whether we’re more or less likely to he compatible. Their hair colour, eye prescription, race is not relevant to that to me.

What I wouldn’t do is wildly generalise, either in real life or on here with threads like “Would you date an xyz”. Because it’s just rude and likely to hurt people and I don’t want to do that.

I've been ditched for having the wrong shaped arse, being 'too smart' and having curly hair. Those guys didn't feel any need to hold back.

I feel no guilt for being clear on who I wouldn't date- outside the obvious 'oats' I wouldn't date anyone who works long hours/is in an intense career that dominates their life, it's just not compatible with me. Also wouldn't date anyone obsessed with football because I detest it, anyone significantly shorter than me because I feel self conscious about my height (I've been 5' 10" since early teens and constantly mocked for it) or anyone boring (subjective of course but if I saw a man holding a fish on OLD that's a no, someone who says mrs browns boys is the height of comedy etc).

It's not anything bad, we all have preferences and compatibility is important.

Bin man-yes
Hairdresser- would need to be optimistic!
Defence lawyer- no

In married at first sight, most of the blokes on that are "trades" it seems

I'd generally only date an office type worker. It's what I am. Snog a gorgeous bin man in a nightclub sure but I can't see that working long term. But I am a well paid professional woman so I can't see many manual workers particularly wanting to date me either, just too different.

You can date who you like - if you don’t fancy people with ginger hair / don’t want to deal with a surgeon’s hours / wouldn’t be happy with a binman’s salary, then don’t.

On the whole I wouldn’t say it because why do you need to? You would want to explain your reasons in order not to potentially upset people, so it’s easier not to go there.

I feel exactly the same. I'm 5'10" and have been told I'm too tall, shouldnt wear heels, am too skinny, one guy had a real chip on his shoulder that I earnt more than him even though I never made any negative comments about it whatsoever, it was all his own baggage.

Therefore, I dont feel any guilt in turning people down if they arent for me. I wouldnt be unkind about it but theres zero guilt there.

I don’t think it is fine for men to carry on doing this. Apparently you think it is fine for men and women to both carry in doing it. I think we should all be better than that and I think it is depressing you think all women can aspire to is to be as bad as men.

It's acceptable to judge a person's potential for a date based on any criteria you like, even ones that are objectively stupid or nasty. I don't think I'd actually want someone who thought less of me because of my job, or any protected characteristic I might have actually, to decide to be charitable and give me a chance.

And with jobs, a lot of that is simply practical. If you couldn't be doing with shifts and you want to ensure you're both off at the same time, you probably shouldn't be with a surgeon. If you're one of those dipshits who think defence lawyers all know their clients are guilty but do it anyway, you probably aren't compatible. If you wouldn't be willing to move around a lot, it's just plain sensible not to settle down with a soldier.

The only thing is that some people have more options than others and are in a better position to be choosy whilst still finding someone they want. But how you weigh those things up is a completely personal matter.

Usually, it's seen as OK for women to not want to date short men, but unreasonable for men to not want to date larger women.

I would

But trade salaries are higher overall than office/graduate salaries nowadays. I remember reading that the average construction salary is actually £10k higher than the average graduate salary.