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Original poster

Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

194 replies

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 03:12

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

OP posts:
nahwhale · 05/06/2023 06:39

ArcticSkewer · 05/06/2023 06:34

There are definitely certain jobs I would avoid - any with players/routinely unfaithful men who are more into the social bonding of their work group than a relationship.

As for the rest, it's more of a shorthand for financial status, security and intellect. For me, that makes it a rough guide rather than a yes-no.

Some people rule out 40% of the opposite sex with 'Never kissed a Tory' rhetoric.

Yeah this

nahwhale · 05/06/2023 06:41

Wittsendhasarrived · 05/06/2023 06:26

It's a fair assumption that the majority of people on this site are heterosexual women right? And I'm wondering how many people would think this is okay the other way around? How many SAHMs are there compared with SAHDs? How many women are forced to not go back to work after children because childcare costs outstrip their salary? How many men does that therefore place an enormous (and very often underappreciated) burden of being the sole breadwinner for the family? And yet would anyone suggest to a man that it's acceptable to judge a potential date with a woman based on her job or earning power?

They absolutely do though. And I don't see why men shouldn't be allowed to decide who to date partly based on if they are financially independent.

Wittsendhasarrived · 05/06/2023 06:43

laceydoily · 05/06/2023 06:37

Are you suggesting that men dont have their own deal breakers for relationships? because I am telling you they absolutely do. I know many men who wont date women over a certain size, age, have hair colour preferences, breast size preferences, race preferences etc.

Men may not judge women so harshly on their occupation but they absolutely do judge women on the way they look. This makes sense because in our culture, men tend to be judged by their earning potential and women tend to be judged on their appearance. Neither is right of course, but in our society thats how it is.

Show quote history

No, I'm not suggesting that at all. Of course they do but as you already said, neither is right so just one doesn't make the other okay.

Southoftheriver32 · 05/06/2023 06:43

I wouldn’t date a bin man no. That type of unskilled job shows how little motivation and self respect they have, not to mention money.

giraffetrousers · 05/06/2023 06:44

Wittsendhasarrived · 05/06/2023 06:26

It's a fair assumption that the majority of people on this site are heterosexual women right? And I'm wondering how many people would think this is okay the other way around? How many SAHMs are there compared with SAHDs? How many women are forced to not go back to work after children because childcare costs outstrip their salary? How many men does that therefore place an enormous (and very often underappreciated) burden of being the sole breadwinner for the family? And yet would anyone suggest to a man that it's acceptable to judge a potential date with a woman based on her job or earning power?

Men do this though. My friends who online date have experienced this and so have I in dating.

laceydoily · 05/06/2023 06:46

Wittsendhasarrived · 05/06/2023 06:43

No, I'm not suggesting that at all. Of course they do but as you already said, neither is right so just one doesn't make the other okay.

Show quote history

So, do you call men out when they do this then? Just as you are on here challenging what women do?

AngelAurora · 05/06/2023 06:46

Yes I would date them because I am not shallow.

greennotepad · 05/06/2023 06:46

OP is offended from the other thread and is being very defensive.

Clearly someone choosing to do a job (for a racial and misogynistic institution!) and someone being born a physical way ie (to use your example) short or with ginger hair, is completely different.

However to answer your original question, people can decide not to date someone for any reason they like.

Beezknees · 05/06/2023 06:50

The amount of money someone makes does not bother me. I'd date somebody on minumum wage, no problem.

For me, it's more personality and work/life balance that are important. I wouldn't date a surgeon for example because I've heard that they have psychopath tendencies. Wouldn't date someone that has to work long hours or travel a lot for work, because I wouldn't want a lifestyle where my partner isn't there most of the time. Wouldn't date a Tory politician because our views wouldn't align. Etc, etc.

ThinkOfLove · 05/06/2023 06:51

Of course it’s acceptable. When dating you can reject someone for any reason at all.

In terms of jobs, there’s lots I wouldn’t date, anyone that farms animals, a footballer, policeman, anyone in the military, butcher, influencer....there’s more. It’s just personal choice.

This is a forum so it’s fine to discuss it. I was asked out by someone I knew had been in the army and I refused. He pushed and pushed so I told him my reason and that it would never happen.

There’s loads of reasons I wouldn’t date someone, it’s weird that you’re so bothered.

HoppingPavlova · 05/06/2023 06:52

There is also an element that the person can support themselves and bring something to the table. So, for me someone who says they are an aspiring artist who mainly earns nothing, have to live in their parents garage as they can’t afford rent/mortgage and can’t finance themselves to go out and see a movie unless they have sold a sculpture that month would be a strictly no for me.

Chispazo · 05/06/2023 06:54

I'd prefer a bin man to a man who was happy to sit around unemployed.

Not that I'm looking for a man at this point, gave up long ago! Therein peace lies! My own job is secure but not that impressive. Maybe I should apply to be a bin man Grin

TheKobayashiMaru · 05/06/2023 06:56

You can choose not to date someone for any reason, that is your perogative.

Dazedandbemused0 · 05/06/2023 06:58

I’m married now, but if I wasn’t, I’d only probably date people with certain jobs. Some jobs do seem a bit unattractive to me if I’m honest - I mean, I respect people for doing necessary jobs but might not want to be in a relationship with someone doing certain jobs. I mean, let’s be honest, a lot of people feel like this because jobs indicate a number of factors like education level, free time, amount of money to enjoy free time, and so on.

I think it’s perfectly acceptable that people favour different jobs - anyone should be able to favour anything when it comes to dating. We can’t start shaming or bullying people into dating someone they’re not attracted to? Which is a bit like what your post seems to be hinting we should do.

Chispazo · 05/06/2023 06:59

I agree about artist types, some of them, I did meet a quirky eccentric online, I liked him actually, but he restored cars but not through a garage or anything, on his piece of rural land. He was an honest character though, he wasn't claiming any kind of job seekers allowance, he was just eking out a living. No prsi contributions were being made for him obviously as he wasn't working for an employer, he wasn't paying self employment contributions voluntarily either. Just existing in a medieval kind of way! There's no way you could entangle your life financially with a person like that! There I was worried about the unpaid leave I'd taken where no prsi contributions were made for me. Didn't seem to occur to him to think about these issues.

Drosselmeyer · 05/06/2023 07:04

You can choose not to date someone for any reason you like, it's fine.

Obviously having a hard rule like "no bin men" might mean missing out on dates with men you might really like- maybe you don't want to date a bin man because you think they lack ambition, say, but one potential date is a guy working on the bins to fund his PhD or whatever. That's a chance you take and given that you have finite time for dating, not necessarily an unreasonable one. Your call.

Conkersinautumn · 05/06/2023 07:05

As a ginger person as a former teacher as a bisexual there are absolutely people who are comfortable telling you to your face they could never date a ginger/ teacher/ bisexual/ foreigner etc. Even my feet were too big for one man. I guess it's a feeling of control or power or just the result of narrow thinking. But I don't care, the more indications that it won't work up front the better!! Why waste time trying to be interested if ultimately your bias and preferences will be a stumbling block!

Drosselmeyer · 05/06/2023 07:05

And yet would anyone suggest to a man that it's acceptable to judge a potential date with a woman based on her job or earning power?

Yes, this is also fine.

MrsMcisaCt · 05/06/2023 07:07

It's all very well saying 'I wouldn't date a bin man' on here, but in reality if you met a gorgeous man on a night out, who made you laugh a lot and was kind and considerate, then turned out to be a bin man ... you probably would date him. Wouldn't you? I would anyway. If you click, you click.

MRex · 05/06/2023 07:07

Hi @AnyaMarx , when did AI start putting typos into forum posts, and did anyone suggest it to you?

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 05/06/2023 07:07

You don't owe anyone a date. Go out with who you find attractive. If that excludes people with red hair and bin men then that's your preference. I'm sure there are plenty of things men would rule you out over too if it makes you feel any better

ThePorchSwingCrowd · 05/06/2023 07:10

From your examples, I wouldn’t date a bin man, a met detective, a soldier.

I wouldn’t go around announcing this randomly, but this is a discussion forum do people discuss things. In terms of the police force, with some concerning findings of investigations, no wonder it’s a talking point.

ChopperC110P · 05/06/2023 07:15

Southoftheriver32 · 05/06/2023 06:43

I wouldn’t date a bin man no. That type of unskilled job shows how little motivation and self respect they have, not to mention money.

Yes because that is what determines whether you are working class or not- motivation and self-respect.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/06/2023 07:17

Past the first few dates, a relationship is only likely to develop if you are physically attracted to each other and one the same morally and outlook. Since your job could reflect your morals and outlook, then there's a strong chance the relationship won't develop if you don't like aspects of someone's job.. even something like shifts etc

PuttingDownRoots · 05/06/2023 07:20

As for binmen... ourlives would be pretty shit if no one did it . Its a hard graft which deserves some respect really. I don't think you can call someone who is at work at 6am working out in the elements all day shifting heavy objects lazy.