Is it acceptable to judge a persons potential for a date based on their job ?

[AnyaMarx]

I'm very curious to know what people actually think.

There is a thread here asking about whether to date someone based on their job .

Is that a thing ?

Would you date a bin man ?
Would you date a hairdresser?
Would you date a defence lawyer ?

Would it matter what a person does for a living or would you base any decisions on if they're nice and if you like them ?

Is it ever acceptable to base a decision on career choices?

If it is - is that the same as basing your decision on other things like skin colour or hair colour ?

Is it acceptable to say for instance "id never date a person with ginger hair ?

I'm curious as to where the line is .
It seems acceptable to say I wouldn't date a xxxx (met detective) for example

So is that the same as saying I wouldn't date a soldier?
A man with ginger hair ?
A hairdresser?
A man with glasses?

Is it ok to verbalise this if that's how you feel ?
It's made me very curious as to what's acceptable to say , or not to say but think ?

There is a thread on aibu asking whether to date a man based on his career and I wondered if this was substituted for a person of colour or a man with ginger hair or a social worker would it get the same response ?
Is it ok to say my stereotype dictates I shouldn't date a person who is xxxx
Or works as a xxxx
And whether that's ok to say even if you think it . ? Should we be able to say anything based on that ? Is any stereotyping ok if that's how we feel ? Whether that be based on career, colour , hair type , glasses , facial features, where does it end ?
Obviously anyone can say no to a date for ANY reason.....

My vagina is not an equal opportunities public service. I’ll discriminate on whatever grounds I feel like, and sometimes that might be a job incompatible with my lifestyle or values
This! Nobody owes anyone a date or sex or a relationship.

The more I think about it, the more the "waaaaah, I demand you fancy me/date me/overlook the things that are deal breakers for you because I'm entitled to a date/sex/a relationship with you" is actually a much bigger red flag. Anyone with that mindset would be instantly in the bin.

So Im interested to know if now you have decided that it is okay to not date someone due to their job, and even a couple of jobs that would put you off dating someone whether you are going back to the original thread to apologise to the OP for calling her, her thread and posters on her thread:

shallow
prejudice bullshit
toxic
pathetic
utterly hideous
complete lack of intelligence
lucky escape
deeply offensive
candidate for the darwin awards

For saying they wouldnt want to date someone who was a Met officer?

I don’t agree with many of the statements made and don’t understand the reasoning behind many others. But I completely defend your right to think them and, hopefully with some tact, say them.

I find it concerning that some people claim that everyone has the right to refuse a date based on any reason, but in the next breath, criticise others for being a bigot/idiot/etc for not wanting to date someone because of their job or physical appearance. It’s all a bit… ‘you have the right to refuse a date, but only if I consider your reason to be socially acceptable. If I don’t, you’re clearly a monster’.

We all have biases and prejudices, whether reasonable or not. It’s unacceptable to harangue someone into feeling like they should date someone they don’t want to, for whatever reason.

The more I think about it, the more the "waaaaah, I demand you fancy me/date me/overlook the things that are deal breakers for you because I'm entitled to a date/sex/a relationship with you" is actually a much bigger red flag. Anyone with that mindset would be instantly in the bin.

I feel like a part of it is an inability to take ownership for one's choices. So, a fat person that wants a boyfriend won't lose weight but will instead make it the potential bf's problem and state he's a bigot if he won't consider dating a chubby.

Catchasingmewithspiders

No . Why an apology ? If everyone's reasons are valid and everyone's opinion is fine - then so is mine .

I voiced my opinion. You don't have to agree . I don't have to agree with you.

The more I think about it, the more the "waaaaah, I demand you fancy me/date me/overlook the things that are deal breakers for you because I'm entitled to a date/sex/a relationship with you" is actually a much bigger red flag. Anyone with that mindset would be instantly in the bin

Absolutely. I cant imagine getting angry that someone wont date me- what kind of entitlement is that? If someone doesnt want to date me (for whatever reason) then I just move on because clearly, we arent compatible. There are enough people in the world that would be compatible. Even if I think their reason is silly, it doesnt matter- they have every right to turn down whomever they like. Unless they are being rude about it or insulting, its really none of my business whom they choose to have sex with. So much wasted angst.

Unless they are being rude about it or insulting, its really none of my business
That's precisely the issue with people thinking it's ok to say "I wouldn't date a soldier / police officer / dustman". On an individual basis it's fine to make decisions and reject at will, but saying it publicly is being both rude and insulting to people doing those professions.

I certainly think you can say that you won’t date entire career paths, but I think it’s a bit silly and makes you look pompous and ignorant.

As others have pointed out, there’s a huge difference between someone being in a job because it’s enough for them, makes them happy and they don’t want to progress Vs being in it temporary because it is leading elsewhere. Neither is wrong in my opinion, but they might not be what you’re looking for.

I worked in a supermarket whilst I was in full time education and got all sorts of comments, particularly from older men, telling me I could do so much more with my life 🙄Lots of my colleagues worked there because it was a similar stop gap- young children at home, still in education. Some had retired from their previous jobs as police officers, teachers etc and just wanted a quieter life. It’s silly to tarnish everyone with the same brush.

I’m a childminder. I finished high school with 14GCSEs (all A or A*) but just didn’t want to go to university. So I bought a house (on my 18th birthday to be exact) and started my own business.. and no, no inheritance was involved in the house purchase. Just savings from a part time job I’d had since 13. My setting is very successful, and 7 years on my husband and I are just starting to renovate our 3rd home.

You can’t accurately judge a book by its cover, but you’re certainly allowed to try to if you insist.

That's precisely the issue with people thinking it's ok to say "I wouldn't date a soldier / police officer / dustman". On an individual basis it's fine to make decisions and reject at will, but saying it publicly is being both rude and insulting to people doing those professions

Rude and insulting to have personal lines regarding who people date?

Nobody is entitled to a date or a relationship.

I'd not seek a relationship with anyone whose job requires a lot of travel and time away from home as it would be an issue for me should children come on the scene. Jobs in those categories aren't compatible with me for a romantic relationship.

It isn't rude to decline dating people in that situation.
It isn't insulting to their jobs.
It's compatibility issue for me.

Why on earth should I waste my time, mess a man around, be kind and act like my love live is some sort of public service by going on dates when there's a known deal breaker?

It sounds a bit like telling women to roll over and be kind, set aside your deal breakers because he might change your mind and you'll eventually overlook it.

So I bought a house (on my 18th birthday to be exact) and started my own business.. and no, no inheritance was involved in the house purchase. Just savings from a part time job I’d had since 13.

@Lenor Wow! Can you imagine being able to do that today?

Today the 18yo you would need to have saved up probably £20k minimum and have 6+ months of payslips from earning at least £35k/pa to get a sniff of a mortgage to do that.

Really dependa on area.
There are nice 2 beds going for under 100k around mine. Good transport and amenities. In some areas even less.
With 5% deposit and fees they would need probably 7-8k and salary about 23k (4x).
That's salary for customer service in there or some basic admin jobs.

Honestly given you thought it was shallow toxic and pathetic for someone to say they didn't want to date a met officer, but you think it's okay to say you don't want to date a slaughter house worker seems hypocritical

But if you are okay with that then sure no apology necessary

That’s very specific through. Would you date someone who does a job notorious for relationship breakdowns and with a toxic culture of misogyny and racism?

There is no wrong to having your own boundaries to who you wouldn't date based on any criteria that is important to you.

I don't think it is normal to spend a lot of time verbalise that, regardless of the social acceptability of your boundaries, on the regular though

I have to say I'm not sure why binmen are included on this list. Obv it's not a glamorous job and they prob need to hop in the shower on coming home but it's steady work, decently paid and necessary for society, the environment, public health so no moral dilemmas involved. You'd need a good work ethic and teamwork skills. Plenty of other jobs don't need loads of qualifications but aren't looked down on.

Abbatoir workers, those in tobacco or gambling companies, I can see why they raise questions on values. Also defence or criminal defence lawyers although I can see why they're needed in principle. I personally wouldn't be impressed by a surgeon offering only cosmetic work, using all that medical skill and training to do what, give people bigger boobs (no judgement on those with plastic surgery). Not sure if payday loan companies still exist but I wouldn't be impressed by someone whose work involved exploiting poor people

Yes.

You can choose your criteria no matter what it is. You're dating them nobody else. It's up to you what you want.

For me, I'd date anyone who had a good employment record (aka didn't flit about quitting all the time) whether that was well paid or not. I'd prefer a high flyer but then being eg a builder, a bin man, a teacher etc wouldn't put me off.

I wouldn't date someone long term unemployed or someone in a job I found went against my morals (work in an abattoir, a cage fighter, someone who ran a betting shop, a dog breeder).

Other jobs I wouldn't date for other reasons: a surgeon, a policeman.

But OP specifically asked on a public forum, would you date xyz and people were honest- thats not rude at all.

Now, if someone contacted me on a dating app and was a slaughter house worker for example, and I said "ewwww no how gross, would never date you" yes, that would be rude. But I wouldnt do that. I'd simply say "sorry, I dont think we would be compatible or a good match".

If they kept pressing me for reasons or to explain further then I think that does get into the territory of: waaaaah, I demand you fancy me/date me/overlook the things that are deal breakers for you because I'm entitled to a date/sex/a relationship with you" is actually a much bigger red flag. Anyone with that mindset would be instantly in the bin
People need to accept other's "no"- there is absolutely no point trying to argue someone into dating you. If someone isnt interested then respect that. You may not agree with their rationale, but you arent going to change anyone's mind by haranguing them about it, thats just going to put them off even more.

People need to accept other's "no"- there is absolutely no point trying to argue someone into dating you. If someone isnt interested then respect that. You may not agree with their rationale, but you arent going to change anyone's mind by haranguing them about it, thats just going to put them off even more.
This 100%.

Fellow human beings are not vehicles for validation and aren't support animals.

Someone who thinks other humans should overlook their boundaries and dating preferences in order to validate them and centre their feelings doesn't sound like the sort of healthy and respectful human that's a good catch.