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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a Met detective?

285 replies

singleforareason · 04/06/2023 22:29

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

OP posts:
Orphlids · 05/06/2023 00:28

I’m marrying one next week, after fifteen wonderful years together. He is the kindest and most decent of men. He is also an exceptional officer and has saved so many lives over the course of his career. He has devoted his entire working life to the protection of the vulnerable. He has risked his life in a very real sense for countless strangers who remain completely unaware of how close they were to terrible injury or death. He is a wonderful, affectionate father. And he does all the housework.

Utedriver · 05/06/2023 00:28

False equivalence

RunningUpThatMill · 05/06/2023 00:28

Yes, if I was physically and emotionally attracted to them. Why wouldn't someone?

Fererr · 05/06/2023 00:43

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/06/2023 23:02

If who I dated was based on Job alone then I'd give a Met Officer as much chance as anyone else, even the female ones if I was that way inclined.

I'd be far more wary of dating civil servants without a specific role and ECT teachers climbing the greasy pole than a police officer if I was in dating mode.

Intrigued why these two jobs?

tt9 · 05/06/2023 00:49

depends... Will they get rid of speeding points for me?

VapeHelp · 05/06/2023 00:53

“They’re all rapists and murderers” - what a ridiculous thing to say. All of them? No.

But I wouldn’t date a Met officer, because I wouldn’t like the unpredictable hours or worrying about them being ok at work. I also wouldn’t want to live near London.

Also no interest in football fans!

BodegaSushi · 05/06/2023 00:59

You know what's a more useful metric - looking at the professions of all those accused, charged and convicted of domestic abuse

Not when the ones charging are also the ones under the spotlight 🥴 slight conflict of interests there

larkstar · 05/06/2023 01:11

The way the ones that rise through the ranks and appear in front of news media speak should be enough to put anyone off - "The officer evacuated the autonomous police propulsion vehicle and made an extravehicular evacuation in the high density vegetation area...." (he got out of the car and had a p!ss in the woods) - it's police brutality against the English language - why don't they speak like ordinary people?

Original poster
singleforareason · 05/06/2023 01:12

DaSilvaP · 05/06/2023 01:03

Maybe you should rephrase your question to:

Would you knowingly date a Met detective?

Remember this story https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2012/jan/20/undercover-police-children-activists ?

Awful. I had forgotten that story. Were either of them ever convicted of rape by deceit?

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:13

What an utterly hideous thread this is.

I'd report it but I'm not a woman with a dick or anyone else with something on mn they'd take seriously.

JMSA · 05/06/2023 01:15

I'm on a sort of online dating advice group for women. Police officers aren't generally held in high regard as potential partners.

Original poster
singleforareason · 05/06/2023 01:16

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:13

What an utterly hideous thread this is.

I'd report it but I'm not a woman with a dick or anyone else with something on mn they'd take seriously.

Sorry if some of the content of this thread has triggered you.

It is distressing stuff.

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:21

Triggered ?

No just amazed at the complete lack of intelligence displayed.

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:23

You have your answer op . Dismiss the bloke in the basis of his job . 👍👍👍.

He'd have a lucky escape I'm sure .

Possster · 05/06/2023 01:26

Yes 🥵

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
singleforareason · 05/06/2023 01:28

I’m not so sure about that answer, the YABU votes are slightly ahead of the YANBUs.

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:31

Has this guy asked you for a date ?

Original poster
singleforareason · 05/06/2023 01:32

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:31

Has this guy asked you for a date ?

Why do you ask?

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:33

Because you're asking if you should date him ?

Has he even asked for a date ?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/06/2023 01:33

I was looking to settle down, based on statistics, chances are I'd decline. I'm in the US and cops here have a high rate of divorce, suicide, and domestic violence. If I was just looking for fun or a non-serious relationship I probably would if there weren't any red flags.

Not going to get into a 'good vs bad' cops as far as the way they do their job. By and large I think the majority of them are honest and principled. It's just that the bad 'uns get all the publicity. I've known some wonderful cops, including two who died in the line of duty. And I've known a couple of real shitheels who should never been allowed to become cops.

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:35

America is very very different with a totally different culture .

If I were told I was going to be armed tomorrow I'd resign .

It's very different culture in uk policing to us . Just so you know .

AnyaMarx · 05/06/2023 01:42

I've worked some amazing detectives.

They're the ones that do the leg work to
Catching serial killers , rapists ,

Who do
You think caught Wayne couzens ?

Most detectives I've known - and I worked with many - are decent people who want to catch bad people.

This thread I find deeply offensive. And that's fine I support freedom of speech and difference of opinion even when it's a candidate for the Darwinian awards .

Each to their own .

I asked if this guy had even asked you for a date op because- even cops are discerning and if I felt this was a question that a prospective date of mine had id not be dating them .

As it is I found the world of on line dating full of very very odd people and after 3 years I stopped . I might be a cop, and have been a detective, but I'm fairly normal. I found on line dating to be anything but!

tobee · 05/06/2023 01:47

For me people being so defensive of this profession would worry me as well.