Would you date a Met detective?

[singleforareason]

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

No, I don't judge people on their profession. I take the time to get to know the person.

Because you've given up your kids birthdays and Christmas days for years , you've seen and hear things that will see you needing therapy and you take umbrage at people assuming you're a murderer for doing so ? Really ?
I wish I'd got a proper job now and spent my kids sports days with them instead of interviewing rapists .

I have. He was kind of a twat but he was also very apologetic about being a twat that I probably would again, just not that one

The red flag is when all the stuff has come out recently the police officer attitude is apparently "how dare you say that about me and my kind?" rather than "god that's terrible that the public that we serve and who pay for us tho k so poorly of us! What small bit can I do to change that perception?" You're just adding to it, circling the wagons. Adding to the us and them.

It's worrying that that isn't obvious to the police. And the desire to change that is just given lip service by Cressida Dick and friends.

I aren't going to apologise for the majority of good decent police officers.

The ones who aren't need weeding out s they are being and that's a good thing for society, and the job

But the assumption that all police officers or detectives are somehow corrupt does offend me yes . Because I've spent years trying to out the bad guys away and at a huge personal cost.

There have been a few extreme responses to this thread, some people think hanging is too good for the whole of the Met and others want them to be canonised.

I’ve never heard anything good about online dating. People seem to end up either getting stalked or married and I’m not sure which of those outcomes worries me the most.

We met at a party, fancied each other, went out a few times. It’s not that serious.

I think some people here need to realise that others can choose to not date someone for any reason at all. If someone doesn’t want to date you because of your job, you have to accept that. They’re allowed to think what they like about any individual/job/organisation as a whole and avoid if they want to. If you’re offended then 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bit reductive.

Being a willing part of the machinery of an institution that is perceived to be sexist/racist/otherwise problematic isn't the same as having size 10 feet. I can completely understand someone wanting to pause before proceeding.

It's not that all Met officers are potential offenders, it's just being aware that anyone rising within the ranks is apparently thriving in the existing culture.

It wouldn't be a hard no from me, but I wouldn't rush in, personally. I know several absolutely lovely police officers, but I've also worked with enough of them to know that being the partner of one would never be for me.

Id swerve .

You clearly aren't happy with his choice of job .

I'm casually dating an ex cop (I'm still in the job ) and I suspect it's because the job is so demanding no one else would understand the pressures and how what you see and deal with affects you.

I dont want a full on relationship these days . I've dated teachers , doctors , dentists , driving instructors - no one's job would specifically put me off but I've not had a relationship with anyone since my last which did happen to be with a colleague . He was a dick - but not because h was a cop- just was ! My marriage was long and successful but he was weak man who was a baker . I don't think the job someone does matters - it's the person they are that matters .

It's not that all Met officers are potential offenders, it's just being aware that anyone rising within the ranks is apparently thriving in the existing culture

Yes. That’s exactly what I was trying to articulate.

Honey, we all have to stick together at this hour of need.

You are not being unreasonable in conceding that you have seen flags in rouge x

Personally I wouldn't base a potential date on their job - it's like saying all hairdressers are thick .

Of course they aren't - I've never risen through the ranks - because I can't be sing with the extra stress and the study to get through exams - I'm not racist or a misogynist- , you know this man - we don't . Why don't you base his potential as date material on what YOU know and not what a forum thinks ?

A hive mind wouldn't be attractive to me .

Horses for courses .

I think you used some antiquated language there, so I would be more mindful in future, dear

Odfod

I’m not actually going to base such an intimate decision on the results of this AIBU poll. Especially not when it’s this close.

Imagine.

I was curious to know what percentage of MNers thought it was unreasonable.

Good . Shows some common sense then .

Only after you. Good riddance but thanks for the 10 minutes of entertainment

Namaste 🙏

Absolutely not

I probably wouldn't, but nothing to do with racism/sexism. I would struggle to date someone who worked odd or unpredictable shifts eg Police, A&E, Armed Forces. If I was looking for a long term partner nights would be a no for me.

Working nights probably meant my marriage lasted as long as it did 😂

No I wouldn't.

I also wouldn't date someone who described black people in an offensive way.

Well we've had 'coloured' in the past hour. I cannot begin to describe how inappropriate and hurtful this is

Exactly.

Well tell my ex that . Ffs . This place is batshit