Would you date a Met detective?

[singleforareason]

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

It's not a few bad eggs. It's institutional, so yes if somebody chooses to actively participate in that I will tar them with the same brush.

What a ridiculous post! How can you generalise thousands of people who risk their lives when working on London streets and assume they are all looking to murder or rape someone. Some people in the U.K. really have no idea what "bad" or "corrupt" police are like. Trust me we've got it good here in the U.K.!
Would you ask this question if you were going out with a banker or a doctor, who usually get to keep their jobs even when they have a criminal record, which you might never find out about.

I have an old friend who’s a cop, lovely bloke, great dad and a serial shagger, his wife is also in the police so I presume she knows and turns a blind eye to it.

When DH and I were dating he wanted to join the RAF like his dad and granddad, I really didn’t want to be a military wife for lots of reasons so I told him we’d have to break up if he joined up, as it turned out his asthma ruled him out anyway but I really didn’t want to date someone in the forces and it was a deal breaker for me.

The OP hasnt actually said she thinks everyone in the Met is bad. In fact she specifically said she didnt.

What she did say was she wasnt sure she wanted to chance the increased risk. There have been plenty of stats on here showing that police officers are statistically more likely to be domestic abusers aka it is a riskier profession to date.

If so many women werent dying from domestic violence she might be a hypocrite, but whilst there are it's not hyprocritcal to not want to take the increased risk of dating someone in a profession statistically more likely to be abusive

And its also not the same as saying you think everyone in the force is abusive. Weighing up generalised risk is not the same as specifically saying they are all abusive.

Nope.

Wouldn't even be mates with a copper.

Not a cat in hells chance

I wouldn't no.

I would sooner walk to every national railway station in London to clean both the male and female toilets with my bare tongue. So I suppose that puts me somewhat in the no camp.

Lots of prejudice bullshit here .

A job does not define a person - a person defines a person . Are they nice ? Decent? Date them based on that not their job .

In fact I'd probably ditch you firdt for asking a question based on a job .

Would you date a bin man ? Or a vet ? Or a dancer ?

I've been a police officer a long time and I do it to put monsters away . If someone was so shallow to ask this question I'd swerve .

What a narrow minded view of the world! I wish women spent more time learning to read and understand the more subtle red flags in a man's character than go for the irrational low hanging fruit of his job.

My lovely dad was in the army and the most hands on and involved father and husband I've ever known. My DP is a Met police officer and his unit has less cheating and misogyny than my previous team in a management consulting company and my current team at a large retailer. He is the only man I know who is comfortable with the fact I'm a considerably higher earner (no ego hassles because he loves his job) and also accepts that I do a lot less house work than he does (because he is better at it than I am). He is a brave, hard working man and spends his free time with me doing our joint hobbies, rather than escaping family life every weekend like a lot of other men.

The reason to not date a police officer would be the shift work and detectives have it worse than a lot of front line units. That is definitely brutal on family life. However, to pass value judgements on the men who leave their families/personal lives behind to help victims of crime every single day for shit pay, work conditions and abuse from the public is despicable. There are tens of thousands of decent men who do the job because they care about making a difference. And they don't go on strikes either...

It would honestly be like a man saying he wouldn't date a nurse because most female serial killers are in a health care setting. Or saying teachers are undateable because of the number of paedophiles or student-teacher affairs. Or CEOs because of the high proportion who are psychopaths but non violent ones.

I don’t think all Met detectives are rapists and murderers. That’s absurd.

I don’t think that because an institution is known to be toxic every individual working within it automatically shares its racist, sexist or homophobic values. Of course there will be exceptions. Hopefully many.

It’s mostly that it’s such a red flag for domestic violence. Did you see the stats someone linked to upthread? It’s so much worse than I thought!

Big fat no.

But i am married to a police sergeant (none met).

Wouldn't touch the met for love nor money. It will take years to flush out the poison.

No way on earth, even if he was the last man standing.

Ganvough

Absolutely agree with you .

If someone I was potentially going to date asked this I'd ditch them first .

I'd never judge anyone based on their job - I'd judge them based on who they are .

Such a toxic thread . More so
Than the met . I've met the best people I've ever known in the job I do and it's pathetic to even ask based on a profession .

If someone had to ask this I'd hope I'd know because there is no
Way I want to
Date someone who would judge me on a job .

I would not date a police officer, but I have a parent who was one and lots of friends who had police parents and DV, alcoholism, racism and sexism was rife and very much part of the work culture sadly. My parent saw lots of affairs and dodgy stuff going on at work and whilst my parent is wonderful there is a reason they left that profession. Not all are bad, but enough are I wouldn’t risk it.

Also not offended when people say they wouldn’t marry my husband due to his job lol, so I don’t understand those up in arms about OPs post.

This is hilarious.
People report posts like this that are prejudice.

This will stand because it's fine to
Bash police . Those people that risk their lives daily for shit pay , conditions and miss their kids birthdays and Xmas to do the job .

Not a male one.

Honestly it does my head in when people bring out the stats on domestic violence in the police. There's no critical analysis of it whatsoever.

Have you seen a similar study on other professions? What are the stats for lawyers, bankers, teachers, doctors, tradesmen etc??

You know what's a more useful metric - looking at the professions of all those accused, charged and convicted of domestic abuse - and seeing which profession has the highest offenders. But obv no one will do that because it isn't as good a story as ripping the police apart, like a national hobby.

I know a fair few met police officers who are pretty decent men and women who genuinely want to help.

i never thought I would date someone in the armed forces. 10 years later we’re married with a child. My one criticism of his is how long it takes him to get ready in the morning. Otherwise he’s a pretty great guy.

Every job has good and bad people. The man in the forces (which shown here as having a bad rep/being a red flag) has never hurt me, unlike many of the other men I have dated.

Mainly with colleagues, they work closely when on shift, and when they don't have anything else going on, it's extremely easy to go missing for an hour or two.

I've also read lots of horror stories about male police taking advantage of victims of crime. Not sure you'd call that an affair though, I would find it unacceptable for a partner to do that.

The police have v high levels of divorce and domestic abuse, and this is amplified in the Met because there is so much darkness….not just with the crime and human depravity but it exists within officers too. There are some lovely ones but they’re rare, very, very rare. Can you be sure you’ve got a very, very rare one ? Whose barriers to stress are so intact that they will withstand the crap the job throws at them, on top of usual life stuff ?

the shifts are crap too.

@Blueemeraldagain

Dating someone in the armed forces is not for everyone but I can assure you that the many I know are really good people, the challenge is dealing with them being away

No chance. Police attracts power hungry, often angry men

No the general population has very high levels of divorce

The police generally are decent good people who give up a lot to do a job to help people for not much return .

My husband and I separated. Because he couldn't help me take more of the mental load and housework despite me working 24/7 shifts and seeing things that are hard to process

When I asked him to watch a 3 part documentary filmed in my sept and featuring me and my job - he said he had "No interest to be honest "

I worked to out horrible people behind bars .
He made cakes and bread . I expected some support as we'd been married 27 years.

On that basis I should be saying I'd never date a baker - shit shifts , shit pay , and the emotional intelligence of his bread tin .