To just let my 1 year old cry it out

[justwanttobe]

My 13 month old is still waking a lot in the night and only a bottle gets him to finally settle down again.

It's usually twice a night. I'm just so fed up and exhausted.

He usually has no problem going down at bed time, but has now started to cry when I leave the room too. ( usually he was happy if he had a bottle, I could just walk out ).

During the day, it's really hard to get anything done too.
He's always clingy and wants to be held a lot.

I am really struggling with energy levels and can't take it anymore.

I want to have more rest in the quickest possible way. I don't want to prolong it. I hate leaving him to cry, it's stressful and not ideal, but I think it's yeh quickest way..

Stay in the room but not right beside him. Dont answer him, but be there. Move further away each night. It will resolve itself eventually.

I did. that with my daughter. It was long and drawn out and at 3 and a half, I still need to go to sleep in bed with her every night.

He’s very young, he’s not being naughty, he just wants his mum. I don’t understand why anyone would leave a baby to cry to be honest. It is exhausting but he will sleep through I promise. 3 kids here, they’ve all slept through eventually. Hang in there

I went through similar with my second; please don't leave him to cry. It's likely not just the bottle he wants, he wants you. You're his comfort, you're how he knows he's safe. I know the sleep deprivation is soul destroying, but it won't last forever.

If it's what you have to do to stay sane, then it's best for him.

Crying it out is so cruel. Surely you don't want your tiny child to feel abandoned. It might not even work anyway.

Cry it out is pretty brutal. I would say that the issue is that he is relying on a bottle to get to sleep, and so when he can’t resettle in the night he shouts for a bottle again. You probably need to get him to go to sleep without the bottle, and not give a bottle at night, either. I would just sit with him and comfort him in the cot until he goes to sleep at bedtime (he’ll be tired so he will sleep) and then build up to leaving the room once he gets the hang of going to sleep without a bottle.

Also please don’t leave him to drink a bottle alone it’s not safe.

Are you on your own or his other parent around? It’s not something I’ve done or think I’d ever do and DD was up way more than that for periods at that age, 13 months is still a baby. It also might not work.

What are your other options?

No don’t do cry it out; we did sleep training, but it was gentle controlled crying. Put them in cot awake after normal bedtime routine of bath, pyjamas, stories, then say a sleep cue and leave the room.

Time for a minute, go back in, say the sleep cue again, leave again, go back 2 mins later. Repeat. Then 3 minutes go back in. First night don’t go for longer than 3 mins.

First night of this DS was asleep in 45 mins; second night you can up it to 4 minute intervals, third night 5 minute intervals- but you always go back in if they’re crying. Don’t go back in if they’re quiet. DS slept through from night 3.

Never leave them just to cry; they’ll be really scared and it’s horrible.

Don’t do it. I did. BIG regret.

Why ?

How is it not safe to let them drink a bottle on their own at this age. OTT.

If they fall asleep with the bottle in their mouth they can choke

I'd love to know your reason aswell!!

Op cry it out is no big deal for a 1 year old. Been there. Happy with it.

You don't know that it'll be the same as for your DD (and it sounds like you never finished the process if you never got to fully withdrawing?).I did gradual retreat with both of mine and it went quite differently despite them being roughly the same age at the time.

I can understand why you'd move onto 'harsher' methods if gentle have failed and you're really struggling to cope, but I do think you should try gentle first. Cry it out is properly last resort stuff.

@justwanttobe

Because it’s cruel. I regret doing it, I was a young mum and didn’t really know the implications of doing so. It did work but he would have felt scared and lonely at an age where he wouldn’t have been able to understand why his mum didn’t come and make him feel safe 😢. It’s just not worth it.

He is a teen now, a great boy and I’m lucky to have him. I hope I’ve managed to make amends over the years and we do have a good relationship but if I could turn back time I absolutely wouldn’t let him cry it out.

But why do it? Don't you want your child to know if they cry you're there for them? If they're crying they're scared or upset or they need something from you; a clean nappy, a hug etc. Why would you not go to your child when they cry for you?

So you allow a three year old to hold you hostage at bedtime until they fall asleep, but because that’s hard for you you’re going to leave a just turned one year old to cry himself to sleep alone?

Honestly I’d start with the three year old.

I think that cry it out was pretty much standard a few decades ago and in some countries now too. I don't think you need to feel so bad about it.

@RosettaTheGardenFairy I think it's unrealistic that you can always be there for your child when they cry. It's impossible sometimes, even without cry it out.

I did, no regrets. Sleep is needed for us both to be healthy and hun to develop. He’s now almost 4 and we have a fantastic bond

@justwanttobe

It probably was standard and my own mum did it but I think we have moved on now in terms of education and knowledge. It’s not good for their attachment style to cry knowing their mother isn’t coming. Unfortunately I learnt all of that after I had done it. Like I said if I had the choice now it would be a no and I didn’t do it for baby number 2 & 3.

It’s up to you. Personally, Ive never had the heart for CIO, although I can understand why people turn to it in desperation. I would take another week or two of more pain and properly night wean him off the bottles. As a PP said it’s a strong sleep association and it’s not really ideal him falling asleep with a bottle in his mouth re:tooth health anyway to be honest. I’d provide support when he wakes and cries in other ways. Be it patting or shhing or hand on the back or whatever (don’t pick him up and rock him, that’s equally unsustainable). It’ll be worse for a while and he’ll likely cry more until he learns he doesn’t need a bottle to settle. All babies are different but DS slept through the night consistently post night weaning without needing to leave him to cry.

@RosettaTheGardenFairy are you always this judgemental ?