To just let my 1 year old cry it out

[justwanttobe]

My 13 month old is still waking a lot in the night and only a bottle gets him to finally settle down again.

It's usually twice a night. I'm just so fed up and exhausted.

He usually has no problem going down at bed time, but has now started to cry when I leave the room too. ( usually he was happy if he had a bottle, I could just walk out ).

During the day, it's really hard to get anything done too.
He's always clingy and wants to be held a lot.

I am really struggling with energy levels and can't take it anymore.

I want to have more rest in the quickest possible way. I don't want to prolong it. I hate leaving him to cry, it's stressful and not ideal, but I think it's yeh quickest way..

Agree your husband is a dick.

You can't spoil a baby, FFS

Yep, it’s your husband who’s the issue. And if you both work, there’s no reason why he can’t help with some of the night wakings. But he would rather push you to CIO than inconvenience himself.

He gets plenty of cuddles when he's awake and sleeps all night in his own cot in his own room. He doesn't need to be cuddled all night.

Sleep is a need which conveniently gets ignored on these threads because so many people are desperate to be martyrs.

Absolutely this. Sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason. Because it's torture. It's all well and good to say suck it up that's part of parenting. But God forbid a person sleep deprived crashes into an innocent person I doubt anyone will be ok with that and say oh well thats parenting. Or make mistakes and lose their job and have to be reduced to debt and homelessness. These things do happen. I sadly know people who have done both. Does it happen all the time? No. But it does happen.

No... torture is inflicting psychological terror on a helpless baby who is entirely dependent on you for their survival. You ignore their cries for help and they've no idea if you're ever coming back for them. They don't know if they're going to die alone in that cot. That's the level of stress these babies are under when left to cry for hours on end without their caregiver's reassurance.

I tried letting mine cry to sleep and I just couldn't do it.

I have to agree with @SouthLondonMum22 I couldn't contact nap and feed to sleep till that age. You do need to be well rested for your child. And you are not going to be that through co sleeping. Being sleep deprived is dangerous. Luckily I have a son that sleeps through the night. But one time I did leave him to cry it out for 10 mins cause I needed my sleep as I'm pregnant and not well. He fell fast asleep no bother. And is a happy content little boy

If you and your husband put in the hours now it will work. He just needs to step up. There's two of you.

I sleep trained and have zero regrets. My DD is a securely attached loving toddler (this isnt my opinion its the nannys and my neighbours who are in early years education)

It depends on your child and how you want to parent. I dont functional well on no sleep. Our household is much better when we all sleep.

Whether you sleep train or not cut the milk at night. Bedtime bottle and thats it.

You mean he didn't cry for hours and hours? 🙄😂It's funny how those who are dead set against it use emotive language talking about crying for hours, cruelty, torture, covered in vomit etc yet in reality, it's 10-15 minutes of crying for a night or two.

🙄 nothing like a sleep thread to bring out the judgementors is there!

I disagree that it’s attacking and also disagree I said anything of the sort, I didn’t so I don’t know why you’re directing anything at me. I last commented on this thread a couple of days ago.

It really isn’t up to you or anyone else to decide when a parent is tired enough to decide that it’s ‘fair enough’ for a parent to draw the line and do CIO. What a parent does in their own home has got absolutely nothing to do with you.

We spent the first while trying to soothe our baby to sleep until we tried leaving the room and letting her get on with it, she was asleep in minutes. We say to her now at 18mo, do you want to go to bed? She picks up a bunny and walks to the door to go upstairs.

As for all that about meeting needs day and night for a couple of years and always putting yourself second, well no thanks, wouldn’t be for me. Happy to say I’m still a person with needs of my own as well as being a loving mother to the light of my life.

I never had the heart to do it, mine was a shocking sleeper. I did it once, when mum and sister urged me to and pretty much held my hands in the kitchen (in afternoon). He cried until he threw up. Never again. I think he got over it but I was traumatised.

Only child mind you! After him I was done.

He did sleep through in room of his own by around 2.

However, I did go on to get CFS. Related? Non idea, but sleeplessness likely did play a part. I don't know what I would have done different though. DH was great and did everything needed then and now. DS now a teenager and still likes company at bedtime : ) I'm fairly sure this won't last. I'm guessing at some point in the teen years I will be replaced by a girl his own age with swishy hair.

I used those words. It isn't attacking anybody.

It's also incredibly rich coming from some of your comments on here.

@SouthLondonMum22

It isn’t just 10 minutes of crying though. 10 minutes is a controlled crying interval.

And yes, babies who are left for extended periods of time do vomit and get very distressed. That’s not using emotive language, it’s just simply a fact.

And to the poster who said her child was securely attached because her neighbour said so as they work in early years Ed?

It’s really not as simple as that unless you’re a trained child psychologist who has observed your family over a period of time (this is also what child psychotherapists do whilst they train at the Tiverton). It takes many, many observations to come to a conclusion about a proposed attachment style.

Controlled crying is when you go in after 2 minutes, 5 minutes etc to check on them.

CIO involves no checks and doesn't always mean prolonged crying and vomit. Sometimes it can involve less crying overall than controlled crying.

Don't you want your child to know if they cry you're there for them? If they're crying they're scared or upset or they need something from you; a clean nappy, a hug etc.

No, by age 1 they have wants as well as needs. Sometimes they want mummy with them every minute of every day. They do not need this. Mummy needs to have a wee, eat, sleep so they cannot have this want.

You need to try to meet your child's needs. You do not need to try and meet their every want.

You couldn't imagine the horror of cuddling your child while they sleep? Of meeting their needs day and night? If putting your needs second for a few short years

Op should not have to put her needs second to a child's wants

They can inhale the milk into their lungs...drowning. There is also some evidence to say the milk pools causing infections in ears and sinuses.

I couldn’t do it. My babies needed me when they cried. They both slept through when they were ready. DC1 slept through from 15 months, DC2 slept through from 3 years old. I did every night time wake up myself during those times (every 2-3 hours) as DH wanted to sleep train and I refused.

I didn’t want to abandon a tiny child who doesn’t know and can’t rationalise that I would ever come back.

Sleep is nice, but it’s possible to survive on much less, still function well and it’s not forever.

… and?