To just let my 1 year old cry it out

[justwanttobe]

My 13 month old is still waking a lot in the night and only a bottle gets him to finally settle down again.

It's usually twice a night. I'm just so fed up and exhausted.

He usually has no problem going down at bed time, but has now started to cry when I leave the room too. ( usually he was happy if he had a bottle, I could just walk out ).

During the day, it's really hard to get anything done too.
He's always clingy and wants to be held a lot.

I am really struggling with energy levels and can't take it anymore.

I want to have more rest in the quickest possible way. I don't want to prolong it. I hate leaving him to cry, it's stressful and not ideal, but I think it's yeh quickest way..

No judgement here OP.

I have a 2 year old and lay by her cot holding her hand until she falls asleep. It takes around 10 mins. If she starts playing i simply shush and repeat 'it's bedtime'

She usually ends up in our bed at 1/2am for the night but she goes straight to sleep and at least i have my evenings free.

CIO wasn't an option for me, IMO babies/toddlers need comfort when trying to fall asleep sometimes.

I know it's brutal but it does get better and your baby is so young still.

Could something like this work for you?

Have you tried co sleeping?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your 13 month old to sleep through the night OP. They and you will feel better for it. My DS is 12 months and a really good sleeper but hasn’t always been. At about 6 months I listened to The Sleep Mums podcasts and bought their book and they do the ‘no lift settle’. Basically I sat with baby and comforted them until they fell asleep, every time they woke, until their routine changed. It took us less than 48 hours for DS’s sleep to be totally transformed. There are gentler settling techniques out there that cry it out, if that’s the way you want to go. But regardless, don’t let anyone make
you feel bad about wanting to make a change.

I just wish I had learnt all that before baby number one. It felt wrong and quite traumatic at the time but unfortunately I didn’t act upon my instincts

This is it for me. I'm a trust your instincts person. If cio is so hard because your instincts are screaming at you that it is wrong then it is probably wrong. We have instincts for a reason, there aren't many other situations where posters would be saying completely ignore your instincts on this one.

I do agree with this. Cry it out and controlled crying are VERY different. A lot of people mistake controlled crying for CIO.

My 3 year old sounds like your 2 year old. I fall asleep with her every night. I stopped trying to leave her room when mh little one was born and she just got so upset. Before then I tried the gently leaving the room method.

Then I had the baby and I just felt so guilty about her needing to share me, so I just stayed with her. My husband tried to force me to let her cry and I got so upset downstairs listening to her crying, I decided there and then that I would just stay with her. Whenever she wakes during the night, she comes to me or I go back to her. It's not every night, but I sleep with her regularly.

My one year old doesn't really co sleep and I wouldn't know how to sleep with both of them as I would be worried he'd get squashed.

Maybe I need to get them both to sleep in the same room. They did used to when my boy was younger, but then they started disturbing each other. His sleep is very light and he wakes up at the slightest movement.

Where have you got vomiting from? There is a huge difference between neglect and cio. Same as attachment is not linked with a few nights upset.

If my child had cried so much he had vomited cio would not have continued, it wouldnt have got to that point as my child was a fan of sucking on his hand so i was also pretty well trained on responding to gagging, sick etc.

You have completey changed your focus. You are talking about 2 separate things now. If you know anything about attachment you know a few nights is not even flagged as an issue! It's life changing, neglect, death, abandonment which are the issues through the early years.

We did and it worked well. It took 2-3 nights to sort itself out, we didn't follow any specific method but generally would let him cry unless we could hear he was clearly distressed (like hysterical Vs normal crying).

We did this once he reached an age where he wouldn't fall asleep with us in the room, around 10-12 months I think - he used to be pretty good before that and fall asleep after 20-30 min rocking. We first tried staying in the room but further away from his chair, and we also tried controlled crying, but seeing us just made it worst.

I wouldn't let him drink a bottle in bed though, I guess it depends how exactly you do that but from what I've heard it's one of the main reason of tooth decay in toddlers in the UK.

I have a toddler and a baby. Sometimes one has to wait a few minutes whilst I deal with their sibling… but that’s different to letting them cry themselves to sleep.

For one, I talk/sing to them whilst they are waiting so they know I am there. They are never left crying alone. And obviously I am quick (or comfort both together if needed), they don’t go to sleep thinking no one is coming, even though they are upset.

I understand being overwhelmed, but babies and toddlers have real emotions. If they are crying they are upset, even if their reasons for being upset often seem silly to us. I wouldn’t ignore my DH or friend if they were crying so it seems bizarre that people do that with their babies… they are so helpless.

Do you have a partner to help? Or any nearby family who can watch them whilst you catch up on sleep?

I'm just having a really hard weekend on my own with the kids and Ive noticed I'm less patient with them both and I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it.

My boy also ends up waking my husband up and my husband thinks I've spoilt him ( which I know is ridiculous ). Our daughter did sleep through the night by 11 months though. But I didn't do anything different.

Start with giving him comfort and cuddles but no bottle. If he always gets a bottle at midnight and 3 am then he's probably learned to expect food at that time. Train him out of that "learned hunger", give him some extra food/milk in the daytime to make up for the missed calories, and there's a very good chance that he'll stop waking.

I did controlled crying at bedtime with my DC, but cuddles/lullabies/whatever necessary for middle of night waking. Stopping middle of the night feeds was key.

Does your husband share the night wakings too?
I couldn’t leave one of mine to cry.

No. I do all Nights and bed times.

My baby has only recently started to sleep through the night and he's 22 months old.

Is there a reason why he doesn’t help? You might not want to resort to cry it out if you had some help.

@Sometimeswinning

Of course it is all of those things, like I have already said it’s not black and white. CIO doesn’t encourage secure styles though and you will not convince me otherwise. I think you’re referring to controlled crying as CIO is overall a neglectful practice. It is well known the method can lead to a vomiting baby or a very distressed one. I’m not sure why you’re getting so defensive over that.

This!

@Maztek he's got a brutal schedule.

Usually I’m all for sleep training but leaving a baby to scream so you can cosleep with a 3YO is absolutely not ok. It’s like he’s being punished so you can pander to her, which leaves a pretty sour taste in my mouth. If you’re going to change things then it should be with her because she’s old enough to understand. And why isn’t your partner helping?

Can you co sleep with both of them instead?

I'm disagreeing with you. I also find your link with attachment ridiculous.

I don't think you have the first clue what you are on about and yes that annoys me. Stick to what you know next time.

There have definitely been links made between CIO and attachment. Some studies have said it affects attachment and others found no link. It isn't just a 'few nights'. CIO trains the baby to not cry when it is in distress at night, so the effects could be far longer lasting, noone really knows.

So you leave your 13 month old to cry because you don't want to leave your 3 year old? You need a fresh start with a brand new system in place, because that is not right.

Do you know what CIO is? Do you know why your son stops crying? It's not because he suddenly feels safe and happy and content. It's because he's exhausted and has given up. Given up on you. He has learned that no matter how hard he cries for mama and dada, they're not coming. You may think, well it's only 3 nights, but what your baby is learning in those 3 nights is shitty.

I think babies get over tired. Crying is their way of showing that. I'd try leaving him, you being ridiculously tired helps no one.

I had the same issue when my DS was that old. I was leaning on cry it out but my DH wanted to see what’s wrong. We started giving him 2-3 bottles every night spaced between two-four hours and didn’t leave until he finished and handed it back. Maybe he’s just hungry. Once his appetite becomes better in terms of food during the day , his night time feeding will reduce.

It won’t last forever.

Why don't you do a gradual retreat as in 2 minutes and then work up to 5, go in every 5 minutes.