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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who was BU here

220 replies

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 16:09

Sorry this is long. Was in a (chain) pizza takeaway and witnessed this. Customer probably in her sixties came in with an assistance dog, clearly wearing identification as such. Dog extremely well behaved. Didn’t hear her give it any commands, it never took it eyes off her, sat when she stopped, was glued to her side when she moved. It obviously was well trained and knew its role. She ordered from the young lad and stood at counter. Then an employee approached and she quite aggressively said dogs weren’t allowed. Customer answered it’s an assistance dog. Employee said it’s not allowed. Customer said under the equalities act 2010, the dog is classed as an auxiliary aid, and offered proof. Employee declined proof and moved away. Then about two mins later employee came back and said seen as you think you’re allowed in here can you move over there. Customer said sure and moved. She sat on a bench, dog immediately sat beside her. Employee then came out into the shop and started shouting at the customer and told her that she was being offensive by coming into the shop, and wasn’t allowed. Customer kept her composure and said I don’t know why you’re shouting at me, employee said because of the dog. Customer said I only have the dog because of my disability, so you’re shouting because I’m disabled. Employee then said you’re not effing disabled. Customer replied thank you I’ll take that as a compliment, it taken me 5 years to learn to walk after spinal injury, and are you aware that neurological disabilities aren’t visible. Employee was very intimidating and kept shouting at her to leave, customer refused. Who was BU , the employee for shouting or the customer for not leaving when asked. To be honest I was so impressed by dogs behaviour and how the customer kept her cool. Customer collected her order thanked the young lad for being polite and left. I did see her wiping her eyes as she passed the window. It was all very unpleasant and unnecessary. Imagine being treated like that just trying to buy a pizza.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 04/06/2023 17:05

I can't believe you sat and watched that then came here an asked the question!!

It's blindingly clear who was in the wrong and anyone witnessing it should have stood up for the disabled lady.

I genuinely hope she makes a complaint, as YOU should, and that the employee is dealt with sternly.

The way disabled people are dealt with in this country is woeful at best. Being shouted down when they are acting within the law and just trying to go about their business is just awful.

BotterMon · 04/06/2023 17:05

Voted YABU as you allowed it to happen. What a horrible thing to occur to the lady. Hopefully you will complain to the company at the very least?

Yerroblemom1923 · 04/06/2023 17:05

YABU for not stepping in and helping the woman! You clearly paid great attention to the details of the event and quoting the waiting staff etc etc
I couldn't have sat and watched this nonsense scenario without stepping in and saying "hang on a minute.... this is an assistance dog and this woman is well within her rights to bring it into this place!" YABU for not doing something while you had the chance and instead posting about it here - what's are you hoping to achieve?!

DilemmaADay · 04/06/2023 17:06

So you sat there and did sweet FA, didn't check she was okay, aren't intending on reporting it and are ignoring posters asking for the name of the place so they can report it. But it's fine as you say there "showing solidarity" 🙄

Denise82 · 04/06/2023 17:06

Shame on everyone around for not stepping in to help. How terrible for the poor woman to be spoken to and treated like that in front of a load of good for nothings who stand by and do nothing to help.
If you didn't do anything at the time you can do something now and complain to the place publicly on their social media and privately to the manager.

Oldbeep · 04/06/2023 17:07

As the owner of an assistance dog, i have had this happen to me,
many times. It is against the law for any shop, cafe or restaurant to not allow your dog inside. There is only one place that you are not permitted to take an assistance dog, and that is into the kitchens of any of these places. Other than that the dog is allowed to go everywhere with you. When i got my Hearing Dog for the Deaf, i was given paperwork to show to the people who try to deny you entry, the papers state that they HAVE to let your dog inside whether they like it or not. I did have the manager of a restaurant look at the papers and still said i had to leave as dogs were not allowed inside. I just calmly took my mobile out of my pocket and started dialling a number. Said manager asked who i was calling and i told him i was calling the police, as they would come and confirm that my dog was allowed in. The manager told me to end the call because he didnt want Police turning up. I am sure he knew that assistance dogs are allowed in, he just enjoyed trying to look big in front of the other customers. He actually ended up looking silly, because other customers knew i was right.

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 17:07

poetryandwine · 04/06/2023 16:31

Of course the employees behaved badly.

Isn’t it interesting that none of the 15% who voted YABU have written in?

OP, please do tell us which pizza shop, so we can boycott it.

I voted YABU because it was such a bloody stupid question.

Bellabellab · 04/06/2023 17:08

OP ignore all of the people outraged that you didn’t step in. It’s so easy to tell someone what they should have done retrospectively, but these things are never easy in the moment. Well done for staying and please do report to HQ.
To the people berating op: I hope you are always perfect but suspect that you’re not. Think about that before you start attacking people.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/06/2023 17:09

Hopefully you have complained in writing to the manager and to Head Office.

Ponoka7 · 04/06/2023 17:09

I'd have filmed it and sent it to head office. Then again I wouldn't have been able to watch and not get involved. You should at least complain officially.

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 17:11

Bellabellab · 04/06/2023 17:08

OP ignore all of the people outraged that you didn’t step in. It’s so easy to tell someone what they should have done retrospectively, but these things are never easy in the moment. Well done for staying and please do report to HQ.
To the people berating op: I hope you are always perfect but suspect that you’re not. Think about that before you start attacking people.

Why does someone ALWAYS have to bring perfect into it? 🙄

Not standing by and watching someone with a disability being berated in this way, doesn't make anyone 'perfect'.

It makes them average.

User1367349 · 04/06/2023 17:11

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 16:56

I understand why you think I should’ve stepped in , but to be perfectly honest, actually staying in the shop was my show of solidarity. All my instincts were to leave. Confrontation is a major trigger, I stayed, so she wasn’t alone. I’m aware this wasn’t really good enough, but it was the best that I could do.

Don’t let the keyboard warriors make you feel bad.

Do make a formal complaint as you witnessed illegal discrimination.

GoldeSickle · 04/06/2023 17:13

ForensicFlossy · 04/06/2023 16:12

You watched all of that and didn't step in?

This.

Im sorry but you are being unreasonable to even ask. If I were you I would be putting in a complaint about what you had witnessed, either in place of that lady or to back her up.

herbygarden · 04/06/2023 17:16

@knicknackkarriewhack please, please report this to Pizza chain head office with time/date etc, this employee should 100% be fired. Awful behaviour and I understand for you it would be hard for you to get involved. So sad for that poor lady.

MeridianB · 04/06/2023 17:18

ForensicFlossy · 04/06/2023 16:12

You watched all of that and didn't step in?

This. You say you can’t handle confrontation but there are other things you could have done. Were you alone? You could called the restaurant head office in seconds. I hope you’ve sent a full complaint to them already?

Titchyfeep · 04/06/2023 17:18

And what did you do? Other than post this which is of no help to anyone. The takeaway employee was 100% wrong and it sounds like the lady with the do could handle herself but it seems like nobody stepped in to help.

Fighterofthenightman1 · 04/06/2023 17:19

All I hope is that the employee's behaviour is flagged by someone and she's reprimanded in some way.

I also hope that the disabled woman is ok

AngelAurora · 04/06/2023 17:19

Name the chain and the shop then? After all it happened, you are the witness.

Womencanlift · 04/06/2023 17:19

No idea what your AIBU is but agree with others of course the woman wasn’t unreasonable to not leave (why would you think for a minute she was that you would start a thread)

YABU to not of least have went after the woman to ask if she was ok. Appreciate you didn’t want to get involved in the shop for your own reasons, but a bit of empathy wouldn’t have gone a miss.

Personally I would have cancelled my order, asked for a refund if I had already paid and be straight on to Twitter/local Facebook page to show them up to be the bully they are

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 17:20

Servalan · 04/06/2023 16:26

OP - are you in fact the disabled person with the assistance dog but distancing yourself from that role in case you got backlash on here? If not, did you or anyone else stick up for them?

Servalan you are indeed correct. I am the customer. I have posted on here before about discrimination concerning my dog and got unmitigated abuse. I was reluctant to post in the first person. It was questioned how I even look after a dog if I’m disabled. Plus my disability itself was brought into question. All the information in my posts are true, I have had to learn to walk again and I do suffer from PTSD, which I am having therapy for. It took great effort to stay in the shop, there was no one else in the shop. I am complaining to head office, tomorrow.

OP posts:
NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 17:20

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BriarHare · 04/06/2023 17:22

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Moveoverdarlin · 04/06/2023 17:22

I would contact the Pizza Chains Head Office and let them know what happened. I would also tweet them and say you saw the rudest employee belittle a disabled person in their XXXX branch. I would do the same on their Instagram page and their Facebook page. Surely everyone knows assistance dogs are exempt from NO DOGS policies. Personally if I saw that happening would have firstly told the employee how rude he was, I would also inform the manager. Then I would have caught up with the lady and told her how fantastically well she coped with that ignorant dickhead and complimented her on her beautiful dog.

NotAHouse · 04/06/2023 17:23

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grumpycow1 · 04/06/2023 17:23

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 17:20

Servalan you are indeed correct. I am the customer. I have posted on here before about discrimination concerning my dog and got unmitigated abuse. I was reluctant to post in the first person. It was questioned how I even look after a dog if I’m disabled. Plus my disability itself was brought into question. All the information in my posts are true, I have had to learn to walk again and I do suffer from PTSD, which I am having therapy for. It took great effort to stay in the shop, there was no one else in the shop. I am complaining to head office, tomorrow.

Please complain, this is discrimination and the employee/manager needs to be brought to account. Please update on the outcome!

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