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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who was BU here

220 replies

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 16:09

Sorry this is long. Was in a (chain) pizza takeaway and witnessed this. Customer probably in her sixties came in with an assistance dog, clearly wearing identification as such. Dog extremely well behaved. Didn’t hear her give it any commands, it never took it eyes off her, sat when she stopped, was glued to her side when she moved. It obviously was well trained and knew its role. She ordered from the young lad and stood at counter. Then an employee approached and she quite aggressively said dogs weren’t allowed. Customer answered it’s an assistance dog. Employee said it’s not allowed. Customer said under the equalities act 2010, the dog is classed as an auxiliary aid, and offered proof. Employee declined proof and moved away. Then about two mins later employee came back and said seen as you think you’re allowed in here can you move over there. Customer said sure and moved. She sat on a bench, dog immediately sat beside her. Employee then came out into the shop and started shouting at the customer and told her that she was being offensive by coming into the shop, and wasn’t allowed. Customer kept her composure and said I don’t know why you’re shouting at me, employee said because of the dog. Customer said I only have the dog because of my disability, so you’re shouting because I’m disabled. Employee then said you’re not effing disabled. Customer replied thank you I’ll take that as a compliment, it taken me 5 years to learn to walk after spinal injury, and are you aware that neurological disabilities aren’t visible. Employee was very intimidating and kept shouting at her to leave, customer refused. Who was BU , the employee for shouting or the customer for not leaving when asked. To be honest I was so impressed by dogs behaviour and how the customer kept her cool. Customer collected her order thanked the young lad for being polite and left. I did see her wiping her eyes as she passed the window. It was all very unpleasant and unnecessary. Imagine being treated like that just trying to buy a pizza.

OP posts:
SkiingIsHeaven · 04/06/2023 16:30

I think you were being unreasonable to witness that and do nothing.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I would report the staff member and never use the shop again.

Absolutely disgraceful.

excelledyourself · 04/06/2023 16:30

Why would you even need to ask?!

If you didn't say or do anything at the time, please report that employee now, before the cctv footage is deleted.

poetryandwine · 04/06/2023 16:31

Of course the employees behaved badly.

Isn’t it interesting that none of the 15% who voted YABU have written in?

OP, please do tell us which pizza shop, so we can boycott it.

Justcallmebebes · 04/06/2023 16:32

I hope to God someone has reported that employee. Did you witness this? Did nobody step in whilst this disabled person was being bullied in public?

This is outrageous

SadOrWickedFairy · 04/06/2023 16:33

If you stood by and watched all that without stepping in and supporting the woman then you are not only absolutely unreasonable you are as bad as the despicable employee @knicknackkarriewhack

If you want to redeem yourself in some small way @knicknackkarriewhack you should report that employee for their appalling behaviour and discrimination to the Chain, somehow I bet you won't as you stood idly by in the first instance.

LunaMay · 04/06/2023 16:33

Why is everyone assuming the lady needed anyone to step in for her? Sounds like she was handling it perfectly well herself.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 04/06/2023 16:34

The employee was breaking the law and it will cost the company a lot of money if the customer takes it further. It happened to me 15 years ago. I filed a complaint with the Equalities Commission, who took legal action against the organisation that threw me out. They had to pay me £15k compensation.

SadOrWickedFairy · 04/06/2023 16:34

LunaMay · 04/06/2023 16:33

Why is everyone assuming the lady needed anyone to step in for her? Sounds like she was handling it perfectly well herself.

Because the employee was behaving appallingly and discriminating against a disabled person.

littleripper · 04/06/2023 16:34

Please support disabled people in dealing with Ableist bullies. It happens to me regularly and when, rarely someone does support me it means the world to me.

Fruitjellies · 04/06/2023 16:35

ForensicFlossy · 04/06/2023 16:12

You watched all of that and didn't step in?

Just because the lady was disabled doesn't mean she needs someone to fight her battles for her. Sounds like she managed it perfectly well.

Appalling behaviour by the employee - OP should name and shame.

Hintofreality · 04/06/2023 16:35

YABU for not speaking up and supporting the woman.

JudgeRudy · 04/06/2023 16:36

If I witnessed this behaviour I'd be acting on it by reporting to the manager. It's likely I'd also take some footage. I'm not confident all managers do as they should so I'd use telephone footage to ensure it was taken note of at a higher level and acted upon.
I'd have also have spoken up....after 8d got some footage.
This is so clearly blatant ignorance and discrimination.....as well as a very mean and unprofessional attitude. Instant dismissal 8n my eyes.

ChrisPPancake · 04/06/2023 16:36

YWBU to watch that happen and not step in.

Please at least report to their head office.

littleripper · 04/06/2023 16:36

As a disabled woman please do help. Last week a man was screaming at me and 2 women, one a little younger than me and her daughter came and just stood with me. It felt so great. Being screamed at by a standing man is terrifying

Servalan · 04/06/2023 16:39

I don't think that standing up for the lady being abused would be any way infantalising or assuming a disabled person can't stand up for themself. Wouldn't it just be showing solidarity with someone that is being treated unfairly? It must feel very isolating to be bullied like that - standing by and saying nothing surely makes a statement in itself.

egowise · 04/06/2023 16:39

I'm sorry, you're genuinely questioning who wbu?

I also think those who stood by and allowed this to go on are unreasonable. So if you were a bystander, you're just as bad as the staff member.

DollyParkin · 04/06/2023 16:39

Someone should have pretended to be a lawyer and told the employee she was in danger of prosecution.

@ChrisPPancake can you write/email the Head Office of the pizza chain telling them exactly what and where you witnessed this.? It is disgusting that people still behave in this way to people with disabilities.

LunaMay · 04/06/2023 16:41

SadOrWickedFairy · 04/06/2023 16:34

Because the employee was behaving appallingly and discriminating against a disabled person.

A disabled person who had the situation in hand. I fully back reporting what she saw etc. but i guess i wouldnt intervene unless it looked like the person needed me to. A bit like the people i work for hating when questions and comments are directed to me and not them just because they are visibly disabled if you know what i mean

MarinatemysoulinSprite · 04/06/2023 16:42

Imagine being treated like that just trying to buy a pizza.

With the added insult of nobody else stepping in to back up the customer who was clearly in the right.

Why on earth didn't you say something OP?

Cherrysoup · 04/06/2023 16:43

I would have lost my shit at the employee. Wtf were you thinking not stepping up? *awaits massive dripfeed#

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 16:44

The employee was so aggressive, that I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. I was so unsure what to do. Also just to add I have PTSD and don’t do confrontation very well, it’s not my forte, I seriously could’ve made it worse. There was only me and the woman in there. I didn’t want to be the one who escalated it. The customer was handling it very well, she’s obviously been subjected to this before. There were two young lads behind the counter and they looked very uncomfortable, they were rolling their eyes like they’d seen it before. The customer asked to see the manager, and the employee said she was the manager!! Employee was saying things like would you take your dog in Home Bargains. Customer answered yes and Tesco , Marks & Spencer and TGI Friday anywhere a wheelchair can go. She was soooo calm. I can honestly say that if I’d jumped in, I wouldn’t have been so composed.

OP posts:
SadOrWickedFairy · 04/06/2023 16:45

Are you going to report it to the Chain?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 04/06/2023 16:45

I'm disabled. I would want people to speak up so I knew I wasn't alone. Solidarity and all that.

skyeisthelimit · 04/06/2023 16:45

I understand why you didn't step in, but I would be emailing them to complain about what you witnessed, and state the date and time and a basic description of the employee.

I hope that his victim does too.

Servalan · 04/06/2023 16:45

I can understand you finding confrontation difficult if it is a significant trigger for your PTSD, but I would ask that you please report this to their head office. It's horrific behaviour.