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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who was BU here

220 replies

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 16:09

Sorry this is long. Was in a (chain) pizza takeaway and witnessed this. Customer probably in her sixties came in with an assistance dog, clearly wearing identification as such. Dog extremely well behaved. Didn’t hear her give it any commands, it never took it eyes off her, sat when she stopped, was glued to her side when she moved. It obviously was well trained and knew its role. She ordered from the young lad and stood at counter. Then an employee approached and she quite aggressively said dogs weren’t allowed. Customer answered it’s an assistance dog. Employee said it’s not allowed. Customer said under the equalities act 2010, the dog is classed as an auxiliary aid, and offered proof. Employee declined proof and moved away. Then about two mins later employee came back and said seen as you think you’re allowed in here can you move over there. Customer said sure and moved. She sat on a bench, dog immediately sat beside her. Employee then came out into the shop and started shouting at the customer and told her that she was being offensive by coming into the shop, and wasn’t allowed. Customer kept her composure and said I don’t know why you’re shouting at me, employee said because of the dog. Customer said I only have the dog because of my disability, so you’re shouting because I’m disabled. Employee then said you’re not effing disabled. Customer replied thank you I’ll take that as a compliment, it taken me 5 years to learn to walk after spinal injury, and are you aware that neurological disabilities aren’t visible. Employee was very intimidating and kept shouting at her to leave, customer refused. Who was BU , the employee for shouting or the customer for not leaving when asked. To be honest I was so impressed by dogs behaviour and how the customer kept her cool. Customer collected her order thanked the young lad for being polite and left. I did see her wiping her eyes as she passed the window. It was all very unpleasant and unnecessary. Imagine being treated like that just trying to buy a pizza.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 04/06/2023 19:17

clpsmum · 04/06/2023 19:13

This. You know fine well who was being unreasonable and you stood by and did nothing, shame on YOU

Shame on you for not reading all the OP's posts. Which is very very easy to do

littleripper · 04/06/2023 19:18

I am so sorry that happened to you @knicknackkarriewhack and I understand why you posted in 3rd person.
I was abused at a concert- by a big young man - because of my disability. It is horrendous. I am sorry, it is not your fault and you did the right thing. Report to head office today.

OneFlipflopleft · 04/06/2023 19:18

Oh my, please keep strong. You did well. And ofcourse you are allowed to be very proud of your dogs behaviour. I feel this thread is making a bad turn. You were treated disgustingly at this pizza place. Sorry you were in there alone. Just read these posts in that manner; we would have all stood up for you, if we were there with you.

Hamfish · 04/06/2023 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 19:32

OneFlipflopleft · 04/06/2023 19:18

Oh my, please keep strong. You did well. And ofcourse you are allowed to be very proud of your dogs behaviour. I feel this thread is making a bad turn. You were treated disgustingly at this pizza place. Sorry you were in there alone. Just read these posts in that manner; we would have all stood up for you, if we were there with you.

Thank you, I think it’s taking a bad turn so I won’t be posting any more. Thank you to everyone who have given me constructive advice and been understanding.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 04/06/2023 19:41

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2023 19:17

Shame on you for not reading all the OP's posts. Which is very very easy to do

If someone is going to blatantly lie in their OP (which is against talk guidelines anyway), you can't blame people for thinking the lies are true and that the OP was not the customer.

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 19:43

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 18:21

I am not naming the chain, as I am going to formally complain to head office, and I personally believe that would undermine my complaint. The company should be given a chance to address this with the parties involved. This might be just one bad apple and the whole company shouldn’t be boycotted for one persons ignorance.

Could you name the chain from last April, assuming that complaint has been dealt with?

GoodChat · 04/06/2023 19:47

you can't blame people for thinking the lies are true and that the OP was not the customer.

You can when they only think that because they've chosen not to read updates

neilyoungismyhero · 04/06/2023 19:53

Completely unacceptable- not one person stood up for this woman, I can hardly believe it to he honest, where was this?
It's a sad world that's for sure when people sit back and watch disabled abuse and do nothing. Why did you do nothing OP?

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 04/06/2023 19:53

Well, I've just checked the Talk Guidelines and reverses are not listed as breaking guidelines.

Disablist abuse however is. As are personal attacks. As are calling posters liars. (troll hunting presumably)

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 04/06/2023 19:53

neilyoungismyhero · 04/06/2023 19:53

Completely unacceptable- not one person stood up for this woman, I can hardly believe it to he honest, where was this?
It's a sad world that's for sure when people sit back and watch disabled abuse and do nothing. Why did you do nothing OP?

RTFT. The OP was the person being abused.

Poppinjay · 04/06/2023 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Of course it happened. As a society, we generally aren't very good at accepting assistance dogs. Unpleasant incidents happen all the time.

Things I've seen happen to my daughter with her assistance dog:
People telling her dogs aren't allowed, even though the dog is easily identifiable as an assistance dog.
People suggesting it's cruel to have an assistance dog.
People telling her she should sit outside with her dog in a restaurant.
People talking about the dog and why she has is loudly, right next to her.
Someone giving a running commentary on what the dog may be thinking as we walked around a shop.
People asking her what 's wrong with her and why she has an assistance dog.
Someone taking her by the shoulders to guide her where they thought she wanted to go - she doesn't have a visual impairment.
People walking up to the dog and getting hold of the lead so they can fuss her.
Someone standing on the dog on purpose because they don't think she should be allowed in a church.
Someone telling her she couldn't access the top floor of a tourist attraction because her dog wouldn't be able to manage the stairs safely.
People performance parenting by very loudly, while pointing and staring at her, lecturing their child on the special dog who helps the lady and why they shouldn't touch it.
People saying "I know I'm not allowed to fuss the dog" while doing exactly that.
Someone shutting a door in her face to prevent my daughter from entering a room with her dog.
Best of all - someone saying they can't allow the dog to enter their business because some of their customers are Chinese and Chinese people eat dogs.

Everywhere she goes, every time she leaves the house, people seem driven to talk to her about the dog or try to find a way to interact with her, even though most people can read the badges on her harness and know full well that's unhelpful.

Some people are pleasant, interested and have no idea that they are making life harder by distracting the dog or approaching her to find out more about her.

Some people are amazing, are well informed, discreet and kind. They just accpet the dog's presence without comment. Some businesses have great systems in place and go above and beyond to make assistance dogs welcome. It's not all bad :)

Even with everything I've listed, life is better with the dog than without but it would be so much easier if people could just get on with their jobs or their life and ignore her.

OP, I hope you get a good outcome from your complaint to the pizza company.

mainsfed · 04/06/2023 19:55

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 17:28

Because the last time I posted about discrimination I was belittled and was even asked how I pick up dog poo. I was also told I was cruel for training my dog to go toilet on command. This is a basic requirement for any service dog. Discrimination doesn’t just happen in real life it happens virtually also.

That’s not really fair, OP. As I recall you had the majority of posters supporting you on your previous thread, and the majority supported you on this thread too.

It’s a shame you’ve dismissed all the support you received and that you think that your thread was just people belittling and abusing you.

ilovesushi · 04/06/2023 20:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. I would have stood up for you.

pimplesquisher · 04/06/2023 20:04

You're seriously asking who was unreasonable??

FurryPelmet · 04/06/2023 20:04

Surely you aren’t seriously asking who was being unreasonable here. It’s pretty obvious.

Newmumatlast · 04/06/2023 20:09

I've said yabu as it's odd you'd even need to ask, that's how obvious it should be

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 20:11

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 04/06/2023 19:53

Well, I've just checked the Talk Guidelines and reverses are not listed as breaking guidelines.

Disablist abuse however is. As are personal attacks. As are calling posters liars. (troll hunting presumably)

From the talk guidelines...

  • No trolling, misleading or deliberately inflammatory behaviour

The OP was misleading.

Newmumatlast · 04/06/2023 20:17

knicknackkarriewhack · 04/06/2023 19:32

Thank you, I think it’s taking a bad turn so I won’t be posting any more. Thank you to everyone who have given me constructive advice and been understanding.

Sorry.OP I see now it was you who was the customer and you probably know its unreasonable but from past experiences you wanted to be sure. Hope you're ok now.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 20:23

ForensicFlossy · 04/06/2023 16:12

You watched all of that and didn't step in?

This - there's no way I would have kept out of this (which is probably why my children are always poised to rapidly distance themselves from me). That poor woman - not only bullied by the ignorant tw@t in the pizza place, but left feeling that no-one was on her side.

I would contact the franchise and complain, and post it everywhere - Twitter and and anywhere else you can think of, including writing to the local paper. That was absolutely shocking behaviour from the employee. I hope that customer sees your thread and feels a bit more buoyed up. She was tremendously brave standing her ground - she hasn't just done it for herself; it helps everybody else with an assistance dog.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/06/2023 20:28

The employee was totally out of order and needs some serious training. You should report this to the company.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/06/2023 20:31

@knicknackkarriewhack I hope you are still reading.

Contact head office for the chain and ask that they re-educate their employee.

Also look up Ruby Welsford if you don't already know her, shes an IMDT trainer and VERY experienced in this sort of thing. If you don't feel like battling such people, she absolutely will and she is a force to be reckoned with bwahahaha.

YANBU and you know that, but theres always a nobhead or two on here enjoying the anonymity MN gives them to be arseholes.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 20:33

Apologies OP - I didn't read all your posts and now realise that you were the customer with the assistance dog so obviously you couldn't;t go to your own aid.

The rest of my comments stand though - you were very courageous to stand your ground, and please give them as thorough an *rse-kicking as you can!

And if you feel able, when your complaint has been addressed (or not!) let us know which company it was and how they dealt with the matter. It could be to their credit, who knows.

Nelly91 · 04/06/2023 20:48

You should have stepped in. Being a bystander is pretty crappy behaviour in a situation like that.

AuditAngel · 04/06/2023 20:58

I’m sorry you suffer abuse, some (many) people are ignorant. My daughter has a condition which is covered under the disability act. I worry about how this will affect her as an adult, but she has to live her life and my job is to support her.

She’d love an assistance dog, but her condition is not serious enough, which I see as a bonus.

Not all disabilities are visible.

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