I asked my parents to celebrate with me me being five years cancer free

[Saturday47]

Five years ago this I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and radiation. I have been well since.

This evening I told my parents that I was five years in the clear and would they go out to lunch with me some day soon to celebrate. I am single, have no partner to celebrate with.
I can’t get over their reaction. They both turned vicious, told me that I was feeling sorry for myself bringing up the whole cancer thing. They also told me that I needed to “ get on with it”. I’d like to stress that I hardly ever talk about my cancer. They then told me that basically so what about me being five years in the clear, it was luck I have survived and to stop saying that I am some sort of a proud survivor. I then told them that I was a proud survivor and that I have a pink ribbon screensaver on my PC at work. My mother flipped altogether when she heard this and told me to change my screensaver immediately because my colleagues are saying “that one has a poor me attitude’. She’s been in a huff for the rest of the evening hardly talking to me at all.

AIBU to ask them to go to lunch with me to celebrate? I’m so upset at their reaction.

Of course your colleagues do not think that. One of my colleagues is currently going through treatment for breast cancer and she will receive nothing but concern & understanding when she returns to work.

A very happy five year cancer free celebration to you! Massive congratulations! You're a cancer survivor with difficult, unsupportive parents, you absolutely deserve a super celebration lunch (just don't invite your parents). Please celebrate with some other people (your cousin? Friends?) and if that's tricky, take some cakes or treats to your local ward or McMillan and then give you're self a super day of treats.

Jesus Christ. Your parents are poison.

Congratulations!! I’d celebrate with you and your screensaver sounds lovely. My mum is 16years cancer free and we still talk about it and celebrate with her. Your parents behaved incredibly badly.

I know of the criticism of the cancer warrior ideology, that people "fight" cancer, the subtext of that is those who succumb to the illness are somehow weak or cowardly. Like most families mine has been touched by cancer, and the people who didn't make it were courageous strong people on the whole.

I can only imagine the roller coaster of a cancer diagnosis and treatment OP, having a double mastectomy and radiotherapy are very punishing on the body, and the psychological impact must be huge. The whole experience must have been terrifying, painful and traumatic.

We do what we can in life to get through, and if it helps the OP to see herself as a proud survivor, then that is up to her.

OP your parents sound heartless and emotionally immature- do you really want to celebrate with them?

I quite enjoy doing solo stuff in a group when I celebrate.

Last year I did a one day yoga workshop on my birthday, alone, but with people, it was healing and energising- and I met some lovely women.
I love things like attending a cacao ceremony, a sound bath, today I have a full moon women's circle. I will know no-one, but working with others to heal each other. Maybe these things are not to your taste, but for me far preferable than sitting through lunch with unsupportive parents.

I'm on the side of you were lucky rather than it being a personal achievement, but your parents sound horribly toxic, like they're trying to keep you in your place. I'm very pleased you survived and would love to celebrate with you.

One thing I learnt whilst my OH had cancer is what an intensely personal thing your reaction is.

If ever there was an occasion to say you do you this is it. There are no rights or wrongs to how you feel about celebrating the 5 year mark. There are no rights or wrongs to the screensaver.

If you want to celebrate you bloody well should. Your parents sound toxic tbh.

Make yourself a wonderful picnic and go and sit somewhere beautiful and celebrate having a future.

Sorry but why have you moved in with these people? Why open yourself up to abuse like this when you know how unsupportive they have been in the past? It makes no sense at all.

Your first sentence, the first part is unpleasant. Do you think the OP is wanting to show off, brag that she is cancer-free? Do you think she is saying she fought it with stamina rather than medical intervention??

What is wrong with people.

At a time when people hold parties because their unborn baby has a penis or vagina, I reckon beating cancer is a better reason than most to celebrate.

Could you find something, anything to rent until your new place is ready. Get out of that house now.
Staying any length of time and you could find it a struggle taking your child with you.

As someone who has lost many friends and family to cancer, I’d be overjoyed if they’d made it 5 years free. Go celebrate! Your parents sound awful and clearly don’t understand what a huge deal it is.

Are you sure you don't have other options? Renting or staying with a friend?

I would be doing all I could to get out of this toxic relationship.

What horrid people. It's true what they say about not being able to choose your family.

Congratulations

Cancer is such a difficult thing to navigate.

My mum was diagnosed in 2016 and my dad in 2019.

Mum died last year - dads in remission and just done 3 years.

He always felt guilty his was treatable. Mums had a 20% 5 year survival rate and she survived 5.5 years.

Celebrate away. Cancer is awful. You can't control it and you can't do anything other than have the treatment and hope yours is one that responds.

For that reason you should celebrate every year you are alive and well and in remission. Each and everyone is a milestone.

Have you looked at the 24 hour events they run? You can get your "survivor" t shirt and spend hours dancing and partying and walking with people who are there as survivors, sufferers and just there to help raise money.

Congratulations on 5 years! 💪❤️

thats mean but it probably comes from a place of worry and they don’t want to be reminded of that? No harm in a nice meal out though & saying they’re so pleased you’ve come through it, let’s now move forward with life or something like that?

Oh I now have see. That they’re generally toxic - that’s different from being ‘triggered’ for want of a better word.

Can you call your lovely cousin, go for a fabulous lunch somewhere, drink a cocktail, eat some lovely food and celebrate your 5 years. Your parents have lost the right to be part of your celebration by their behaviour.

Longer term I think that you need to find someone else to stay with while you wait for your apartment sale and distance yourself emotionally. Your parents behaviour is not going to improve your mental health.

They sound toxic op. I hope you can get out of their house very soon! 5 years is a milestone to be celebrated. Take yourself out for lunch, you deserve it!

Congratulations on you being free of cancer OP.

You have every right to be celebrating 5 years and many more to celebrate and yes you should be a proud survivor.

Omg.....that is absalutely horrendous thing to say to you and yes keep your pink screen saver at work because you have every right to be a proud survivor.

Your parents were very cruel to trash your self esteem in such a callous way and some people don't know how precious life is until they face death themselves.

Yes is this a possibility?

Congratulations OP. Your parents are awful. If you are in London, I will happily celebrate with you. Hugs

Get out as soon as you can and tell them to fuck off.

That is seriously shitty behaviour!! I’m so sorry they are like that! Congratulations on your 5 years! If you are in Cornwall (or come on holiday) I’ll go celebrate with you! Sending you love

This is an attitude I thought had died out. I can imagine my grandmother saying something similar.
The idea seemed to be that to celebrate any problem solved, especially health, was somehow "tempting fate".
"You start getting pleased and boasting, it'll come back" so "just keep quiet".

Anyway, O.P. congrats from me. Find someone to celebrate with you - and good luck for the future