I asked my parents to celebrate with me me being five years cancer free

[Saturday47]

Five years ago this I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and radiation. I have been well since.

This evening I told my parents that I was five years in the clear and would they go out to lunch with me some day soon to celebrate. I am single, have no partner to celebrate with.
I can’t get over their reaction. They both turned vicious, told me that I was feeling sorry for myself bringing up the whole cancer thing. They also told me that I needed to “ get on with it”. I’d like to stress that I hardly ever talk about my cancer. They then told me that basically so what about me being five years in the clear, it was luck I have survived and to stop saying that I am some sort of a proud survivor. I then told them that I was a proud survivor and that I have a pink ribbon screensaver on my PC at work. My mother flipped altogether when she heard this and told me to change my screensaver immediately because my colleagues are saying “that one has a poor me attitude’. She’s been in a huff for the rest of the evening hardly talking to me at all.

AIBU to ask them to go to lunch with me to celebrate? I’m so upset at their reaction.

Could there be anything going on with your parents' health that you don't know about?

Congratulations though OP, I'll celebrate with you 🥂🍾

Fuck what any of them thinks, you went through something horrible and you can shout your survival from the rooftops if you want!

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. Of course you should celebrate, we will all happily celebrate with you 😊 🥂🍾 My only positive spin on their reaction might be that it was a scary time for them and they don't like to think about it. Go out and celebrate, do something with friends or have a day to yourself, get a massage, spoil yourself and reflect on things. Happy for you ☺️

Thanks for your lovely replies. No they are both in good health.

I'm a fellow breast cancer survivor (7 years this year) and all I can say is congratulations! You are a survivor and you deserve to celebrate every milestone that you see fit. Getting to 5 years clear is an amazing achievement. I was told by my oncologist that that's the point where they class you as officially in remission so its anazing news. Cancer is shit, no one should have to go through any of it and no one should make you feel bad for celebrating any of the light at the end of the tunnel. Your not just celebrating being free of cancer but I'm sure like many of us your celebrating no more chemo, no more radiotherapy no more horrible injections and countless blood tests and sleepless nights filled with pure fear and terror of what the "future" might hold. Its also a time to reflect on what has happened to you, a massive trauma to take time to grieve the person you once were and the adjustments such as multiple scars, loss of your breasts, loosing your hair your fertility your femininity you have had to overcome. It's not something I believe you ever "get over" but you just learn to live with. So honestly screw anyone who doesn't get it, or who makes you feel bad for wanting to celebrate in any way you see fit. You are a warrior and you are here. I will raise a glass to you tonight sister as you deserve it.

Utterly vile. Is there any reason you actually need to have anything to do with them? I'm afraid that would be the last cut I'd allow them.

I'm currently having a cup of tea and a slice of caramel cake and I am raising my mug to you OP.
Bloody well done on 5 years! We are all so happy for you and are so proud of the strength you have shown. You are incredible.
Please still go out for lunch and treat yourself of you can. You deserve it.

(I can't say anything about your parents because I have no words for such cruelty.)
Best wishes and take care OP 💖

My parents make me feel like this too. How can your Mum possibly know what they’re thinking at work? She wants you to doubt your decisions. You decided to have that screensaver, it means something to you; that is a-ok. End of. Have confidence in your decisions. I would judge someone negatively for having such a screensaver (fwiw).

I see people are saying that maybe your parents don’t like talking about your cancer. This is probably true but I don’t see why your Mum had to attack your decision about the screensaver and tell you that people at work looked down on you. I really think that is malicious.

I think seeing the screensaver might remind people to check their breasts. Congratulations on 5 years clear. It is incredible.

I really hope that you can see that this is not normal behaviour. We celebrated when our friend was cancer free, that is what normal people would do if the cancer survivor wanted that. Your parents sound utterly awful and I would distance yourself from them.

Maybe join some clubs that interest you to make some like-minded new friends.

Wouldn’t! Not would!

Congratulations! As a fellow cancer survivor, I know how hard it is and say well done you for getting through it. People can be weird about your cancer, family even more so. My DH just couldn’t deal with it at all so retreated completely, family members have said I need to ‘become the person I was before cancer as that’s who everyone loved’ and my ‘best friend’ didn’t speak to me at all during my treatment until it was over again, I can only imagine because she couldn’t cope with it. The fact that it has devastated my health, body and self esteem is just irrelevant to them, I’m not supposed to ever refer to the single biggest defining period of my life that still impacts me daily - weird. So screw them! And screw your parents. You deserve to celebrate and have people celebrate with you 🍾

You deserve to be treated better op !!!

five years cancer free is amazing and find a special friend or someone you love to share the date with

All your lovely messages are giving me comfort. I didn’t want them to throw me a party just go for a nice bit of lunch with me.

I wouldn't think anything about it at all if I worked with you, apart from being glad you were ok.

If it helps you keep it

If you were my friend I would be making such a fuss of you. Even more so if you were my daughter! Congratulations 🎊

You did nothing wrong darling. I’m so upset thinking of you crying about this.

They weren't right to react like that. They're truly awful people. I couldn't imagine not celebrating this milestone with my DC if they'd been through cancer. Infact I'd be marking that day every year, relieved they'd been another year cancer free. You are a survivor and there's nothing wrong with being proud you've gotten to 5 years cancer free, not anything wrong with your screen saver.

I think it's appalling behaviour. Even if your parents are scared or don't want to be reminded, there's a nice way of putting it. They sound absolutely venomous. Congratulations on 5 Years OP.

The only think I can think of is whetehr one of them has had cancr or something similarly serious which you don't know about . Up until fairly recently people didn't speak openly about it. If they'd gone through it without telling anyone, then it would seem to them as if you're making a bit of a meal of it.

I’m staying overnight with them I can hear them talking I’m sure they are talking angrily about me.

Their response was unbelievably cruel, I'm so sorry.

I'd celebrate with you 🥂 I hope you can arrange something nice with friends instead.

My mum had breast cancer and whilst she was having treatment she made some friends. Afterwards she was telling me how one of the women she’d met was having a dinner to celebrate being cancer free and I asked if she was going and she replied ‘oh no, there’s no need to keep on about it’ it strikes me that my mum is like your parents. She just never thinks you should have any fuss and just get on with it.

I can't imagine talking to my daughter like that. They sound awful.

I actually can't read all of your posts as it's too heart renching. This will appear crazy but how about we arrange a celebration meal for you. I'm also single, and I can not imagine your pain 💔
Where are you, and would you settle for something utterly random?

That is truly awful. Are they usually so unpleasant?

I don’t know you but I am genuinely really happy for you that you have had the 5 year all clear. That is wonderful news!

One of my colleagues had breast cancer, about 15 years ago so long before I knew her. She talks about it openly, because the experience changed her life and shaped her view of how she wanted to live when she was better.

My mother in law had breast cancer about 20 years and is quite open in talking about it. But again, because the experience changed her life and how she wanted to live it.

Speaking openly about your experience doesn’t make you negative, a victim or an attention seeker. I’m gobsmacked your parents of all people, could be so cruel to you.