I asked my parents to celebrate with me me being five years cancer free

[Saturday47]

Five years ago this I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and radiation. I have been well since.

This evening I told my parents that I was five years in the clear and would they go out to lunch with me some day soon to celebrate. I am single, have no partner to celebrate with.
I can’t get over their reaction. They both turned vicious, told me that I was feeling sorry for myself bringing up the whole cancer thing. They also told me that I needed to “ get on with it”. I’d like to stress that I hardly ever talk about my cancer. They then told me that basically so what about me being five years in the clear, it was luck I have survived and to stop saying that I am some sort of a proud survivor. I then told them that I was a proud survivor and that I have a pink ribbon screensaver on my PC at work. My mother flipped altogether when she heard this and told me to change my screensaver immediately because my colleagues are saying “that one has a poor me attitude’. She’s been in a huff for the rest of the evening hardly talking to me at all.

AIBU to ask them to go to lunch with me to celebrate? I’m so upset at their reaction.

Just wanted to say that while I don't thnik your colleagues will be thinking you are expecting sympathy I do agree with @margotsdevil about the screensaver - potentially others could take from that that their loved ones who didn't survive cancer didn't fight hard enough or did something wrong. It's possible that (very badly expressed) is what your parents meant by it being 'luck.'

That's completely different to your parents reacting so bizarrely when you wanted to go to lunch with just them though, which is in no way offensive to anyone and a completely appropriate thing to do - people go out for food for all sorts of reasons, celebrating the fact their daughter is still with them and is a mother when if things had gone differently she wouldn't have been is a lovely idea. Even if they thought otherwise they could have just said no rather than being aggressive and insulting, there is absolutely no justification for that.

I'm wondering if someone in the family did die from cancer or there's something going on. It's utterly horrible behaviour.

I wouldn't be surprised if your son is more placid and cheerful than you were as a baby. He has you to love and nurture him. You only had - them.

It's probably not true at all though.

I understand wanting to mark the occasion and your parents sound horrible. I'm sorry you were so upset.

But...if I'm honest all this pink ribbon culture does my head in. Sponsored walks and all that 'coppafeel' stuff and mammograms as a routine thing when breast exams are shown not to increase survival rate and for every life saved from routine mammograms several are spoiled by overtreatment.
It gets on my wick.

So I get the lose the pink ribbon thing.

I do have sympathy for you though it's a nasty disease and your parents could have been kinder. Much kinder.

They are fucking revolting human beings OP. They aren't good for you. If you don't want to see them anymore you have no obligation to. If you were my kid I not only have LOVED to celebrate with you, I'd already have known the date, and you'd have spent the day so cherished.

So from this random stranger on the Internet, you are incredible and I am so happy for you! Don't let the bastards drag you down.

That would be a deal breaker for me. I'd either cut ties completely or go to very limited contact. I'm sorry you've got such shitheads as parents and huge congratulations on being cancer free xx

Get the fuck out of there ASAP OP.

then go NC. concentrate on building a lovely cosy life for you and your little one.

They are toxic fuckers and they are mentally and emotionally dangerous.

I volunteer for a breast cancer charity, I hear so many stories of suffering and strength. You have every right to celebrate. Don't let anyone ever make you believe otherwise

If you are happy to share the date we can have a virtual mumsnet celebration?

I've thought about this a bit more and although I am wholly adverse to the warrior concept, am annoyed by pink ribbons, get downright angry about the misinformation that is STILL spread about this awful disease E. g. People should NOT make a point of 'copping a feel', teddy bears etc, you know what if that sort of stuff helped a loved one get through it, I'd shut the f* up and be glad they'd found something to make THEM feel better.
And I'd join in with whatever they wanted to do. Your parents lack of empathy astounds me.

Thank you all for your lovely replies

I'm so sorry that you got this reaction, how cruel of them. I am also a BC survivor and I want to congratulate you on reaching 5 years clear. Find something lovely to do for yourself or buy yourself something nice 💐

If you live anywhere in east anglia i will happily take you out for lunch, the beach on a sunny day? Fish and chips? Pub? Whatever you like!

Ive just seen you're in dublin. Bit far for a spot of lunch, but hey, good for a holiday!

YABU to even consider asking them to go to dinner with you. They do not deserve to celebrate with you.

Book your beautiful self a spa day and a big fat take away and celebrate yourself for the survivor you are 💐

Happy 5th Anniversary 💐💐💐💐💐

That’s disgusting, I’m so sorry, please ignore them. You bloody should be proud of yourself and celebrate! It takes a lot of strength to overcome something like that. I don’t see anything wrong with your screensaver either and I doubt your colleagues would!

To all the posters saying maybe they couldnt handle it op says theyre like this about other things so its not really them just being scared

congratulations op i'll be having a toast to you