I asked my parents to celebrate with me me being five years cancer free

[Saturday47]

Five years ago this I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and radiation. I have been well since.

This evening I told my parents that I was five years in the clear and would they go out to lunch with me some day soon to celebrate. I am single, have no partner to celebrate with.
I can’t get over their reaction. They both turned vicious, told me that I was feeling sorry for myself bringing up the whole cancer thing. They also told me that I needed to “ get on with it”. I’d like to stress that I hardly ever talk about my cancer. They then told me that basically so what about me being five years in the clear, it was luck I have survived and to stop saying that I am some sort of a proud survivor. I then told them that I was a proud survivor and that I have a pink ribbon screensaver on my PC at work. My mother flipped altogether when she heard this and told me to change my screensaver immediately because my colleagues are saying “that one has a poor me attitude’. She’s been in a huff for the rest of the evening hardly talking to me at all.

AIBU to ask them to go to lunch with me to celebrate? I’m so upset at their reaction.

Congratulations. I’ll raise a glass to you this evening. Go and have a wonderful day out and do things just for you.

Im sorry your parents haven’t been more supportive. It doesn’t matter what they think about the anniversary - it’s not about them. It’s about you.

It was a nice idea. Their reaction isn’t normal. I’d ask a friend or colleague to go. I’d certainly go if someone at work asked and think it was a positive thing to mark.

Congratulations OP! I’m celebrating with you

No, your colleagues do not think anything like that about you. At least, if I was your colleague I wouldn’t.

And if I was your mum I’d be buying you a very fancy lunch. With wine.

HI OP,

This is awful. Although my mum prides herself on supporting her children and loves my DH, her total lack of interest in his Grade 3, Stage 3 cancer was shocking. (He is also doing very well.)

This sounds related. If your DPs are generally more supportive and the big exception has been around your cancer, I tend to agree with PPs who suggest that it has just been too much for them.

Of course it absolutely sucks, but it is about their limitations and not about you.

Your treatment plan sounds rather intense, so I can see the possibility that even if you’ve had friends with BC your experience may have been scarier than most, and that you may feel it has been isolating. I would find that very difficult.

Very gently, though - because so many people find cancer so scary, if your desk is in an open or semi-public area, it is likely that some of your colleagues (and customers, if that is relevant) do struggle with your screensaver. Should you have to consider this? No. Might it be in your self interest to do so? Only you know the answer to that.

Such shitty behaviour from them. I can appreciate maybe they feel like stiff upper lip is more the way to be but why do they have to be so mean about it? The way you’re worried they’re talking about you suggests low trust in the relationship and that they get annoyed with you more generally than just this situation.

Do you have any hobbies or siblings? I think distancing yourself (at least for a little bit) could help you.

This and this

I hope to be here in 5 years time celebrating having been diagnosed earlier this year

I think I read (on MN) that no one gets it unless the words you have cancer has been said to you,

I'm very lucky that my DH and DS and friends have been lovely and very supportive - that said my best friend sent me an email on learning saying how sorry she was and I haven't heard from her at all since and my DB doesn't like to refer to it as he doesn't do "illness" - apart from to tell me I was a bad parent for having told my teenager - according to him I should have glossed over it so as not to worry my child

Bloody hell OP, if you’re in the west/central Scotland then I’ll go to a celebratory lunch with you!

If I’m local to wherever this is, I’ll come.

Fuck them!! Seriously they can fuck right off.

Firstly, as a mum let me tell you that I would be so, so incredibly proud if you were my daughter. What you went through was an ordeal and you do deserve celebrating!! Please do go out and celebrate yourself!! This is incredible OP and just reading about to made me so happy for you! Secondly, there is a subreddit called ‘mom for a minute’ and it’s filled with mums who will give you motherly support and advice when needed (I hope it’s ok to post about that here). Your parents sound narcissistic, I’m so sorry.

Me too!

Your parents sound awful. Maybe time to
distance yourself from them and focus on the nicer people in your life.
Cancer is a huge thing to overcome and something you’re completely right to celebrate should you want to. I hope you have some lovely friends in your life who treat you better than your parents.

I have a friend who celebrates each year they reach cancer-free. It’s a normal thing to do.

congratulations of your cancerversory! 💐

Your parents are awful. You should absolutely do something to mark 5 years cancer free. And you are brave. You can still be brave in difficult circumstances that were thrust upon us.

Health is the most important thing, and many don't appreciate that until they become unwell. You obviously know that better than anyone. So celebrate!

This sound very strange. Did they just go into denial about your cancer diagnosis and wanted to ignore it because they couldn't cope or something.

I'll raise a G&T to celebrate with you now.

Congratulations 🥳 on your 5 years.
It sounds extreme but I'd be very low contact after this , it's harsh and nasty.

Honestly I’d leave and go back to your own place, or at least go first thing in the morning. Don’t explain. Just go. And create some distance from these awful
people.

Hi @Saturday47 congratulations on your 5 years! ❤💐
Your parents are wrong for the way they responded to you.
Sending you hugs xx

And me. Sorry OP, that sounds awful of your parents. But congratulations on your 5 year survival. Your screensaver is fine. Would happily come to celebrate with you! X

You go girl.

No. just go

@Saturday47
Put whatever you want on your screensaver. It’s nobody else’s never mind.
I’m in California - if I had the money I’d hop on a plane and come celebrate with you. Congratulations & much love.

How utterly heartbreaking and cruel of them.

Of course you are not wrong to want to celebrate being cancer-free for 5 years! What the fuck is wrong with your parents? Absolutely horrifying reaction from them.

As for your screensaver, please keep it. There's nothing wrong with having one. If I found that my colleague who is a cancer survivor had something similar as her screensaver, I wouldn't think anything of it except of course be glad that she is still with us and cancer-free. And as a previous poster said, if it reminds other women who see it to check their breasts, so much the better.

Congratulations on your 5 years, OP!

If you’re near me in the south west I’ll meet you for a celebratory drink/lunch.
I couldn’t imagine treating my child this way xx

Fuck them Op, you're a victor not a victim. Use the money that you would have spent on a slap up steak dinner and champagne if that's your thing

You ARE a survivor!
You battled and won.
You are a bloody warrior!
Wear the tshirt, have the screensaver, tell everyone!
I would be celebrating every year if my child survived cancer.

They are actual pieces of shit.
Who TF says that when you are having treatment?! Your worst enemy maybe. Probably not even them.

What is more worthy of celebrating than not dying FFS?!
They're not worthy of your company.

I'm so sorry your parents reacted in such a terrible way. I know from my own experience what a huge milestone it is to reach five years after a cancer diagnosis and to be well - many many congratulations.

You must be feeling so hurt by your parents but try to celebrate it in some way, even if it's having a lovely takeaway or buying yourself a treat because you deserve it. Xx

If you were my friend OP I would buy you a massive bunch of flowers and treat you to lunch - we would toast your good health

Your parents are defective - horribly limited and nasty.

Keep your lovely screensaver - it’s a celebration of life and of how far you have come 💗

Congratulations on your 5 year anniversary op. 💐🍾💖 Hope you can find someone else to celebrate with you, ((((hugs))))