Friend's "small" wedding

[Sophiesop]

Friend was my bridesmaid last year - I spent so much on my bridesmaids - dresses, hair and makeup, a bracelet etc.

Friend got engaged 2 months ago. I asked her last night what she is thinking in terms of the wedding. She said she wants a small wedding in Wales with just close family and friends and she's not really thinking of having bridesmaid as she'd rather budget for the cost of Wales than spending on bridesmaid gear.

Aibu to be upset by this? I thought I'd be her bridesmaid. I'm presuming I'll at least be invited to the wedding in Wales but I'm quite upset.

She shouldn't be forced to have things she doesn't want at your wedding because of choices you made for your own wedding.

You spent the money on her being a bridesmaid because that's what you wanted for your own wedding. Let her have the day she wants.

😂😂😂

It's not up to you to dictate your friend's wedding. You spent loads on your bridesmaids because you wanted to have bridesmaids. That was up to you. Her wedding is her choice.

You did what you want; she does what she wants.

It’s not a reciprocal arrangement. You do what’s best for your own wedding.

Yabu, people can do exactly as they please for their weddings.

YABU. This is her wedding and she should have it how she wants, not feel she has to copy what you did just so you “get a turn”.

I understand that but I think I'm more upset as we've grown up together and always said we'd be each others bridesmaid. I'm probably just being immature but I was just taken back a bit.

You can’t be serious. If you are, then you need to stop and think. This is her wedding and she’s allowed to do it how she (and her husband to be) wants.

It’s more fun attending as a guest anyway, IMO

Yabu, that was your wedding and your choice. This is her wedding and her choice

Plus I don't think she understands a "small" wedding can be just as expensive as a large wedding

Sorry, is this a reverse or something?

I’m afraid that is quite a ridiculous and immature reaction, it’s your friend and her partners day and they get to celebrate how they wish. Just because you made particular choices for how you celebrated your wedding doesn’t mean you are owed anything. FFS!

Clearly she has considered this if she's decided to use the budget for bridesmaids elsewhere.

You need to be a bigger person and be happy for your friend. You're sounding really bitter.

@LittleRedYarny not a reverse. I don't know why it's wrong to be upset at not being the bridesmaid?

I don’t think you ‘understand’ that it’s F all to do with you.

starting to become clear why she doesn’t want a bridesmaid tbh…

Small weddings are generally cheaper than large weddings. YABU.

I spent so much on my bridesmaids - dresses, hair and makeup, a bracelet etc.

You spent what you wanted to spend for your wedding. None of that’s the responsibility of your friend.

I think she does understand that as she’s looking at ways to cut back in some places (bridesmaids dresses etc) in order to be able to afford the parts that mean the most to her (location).

@DrMarciaFieldstone fine, maybe I am being unreasonable but no need to be so harsh!

And it can also be multiple times cheaper. What a weird out look.
She doesn’t have to spend loads on a wedding just to validate your own choices.

Then she can work that out for herself, leave her to have the wedding she and her future husband choose

Looks like I'm being unreasonable then - but I don't think there's a need for the harsh responses

Be upset all you like @Sophiesop but a) don’t ruin your friends wedding or put this on her, and b) as others have said, not your day, not your money, not your choices.

It's her day - isn't it up to her what her priorities are in terms of what she spends her money on? You sound controlling, self-centred, and - honestly - not much of a friend. Her wedding isn't about you.

She’s a very astute judge of character