Embarrassed I don’t have enough friends to have a hen do

[taratatata]

We’re eloping anyway so the wedding itself isn’t an issue. I’d love a hen do but I only have two ‘real’ friends, both live too far away and then I have a several more people that I vaguely know / have lost touch with, I would say we’re loosely friends but not close enough to invite to something like that especially where they won’t know anyone else but me. Minor thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel a bit deflated, hopefully you only marry once so it would be nice to have a special build up

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

Op, if you’re happy in yourself then pls don’t let the lack of a hen party upset you. Could you have a zoom meeting with your friends who live far away from you and make girly night of it. Just have a laugh and a drink.

Ah my cousin only had two hens: me and my sister. We had a great time !

Will the 2 friends not travel for the hen do?

Och, don't be embarrassed. You've met someone special you want to marry, thats brilliant.

I do have friends, 2 very close (but live far away and have busy lives) and another three or four, all of whom don’t know one another. I know them individually well enough to go out for lunch and so on but I don’t have an established group and I feel it would be awkward bringing different characters together.

I once was invited to the hen do of a woman I vaguely knew at work. I was a bit surprised, but her husband had heard her say my name at home and he shared she didn't have a lot of close friends. She seemed perfectly nice, so I went along (wasnt a huge expense). We are now best mates! She had 2 close friends and a few randoms like me. It was a great night out. Invite the loose friends! The worst thing they can do is day they are busy.

This is not to devalidate how you are feeling. Big experiences like this make us evaluate our lives. But I wonder if your situation is all that unusual? It is hard to hang on to close friends the older you get, a lot of our lives are made up of the not so close day to day people.

It’s normal to bring strangers together for hen dos. So you do have enough friends for a hen do, you just don’t want to mix them. Nothing to be embarrassed about, especially when you aren’t inviting any of them to your wedding.

I went on my hen do with my mum, my grannies, my aunt and 2 friends. We had a great time!!

It's ok, not all of us have hoards and hoards of friends, I eloped too, best decision ever and it was just me and dh. Friends would've been nice, but it was what it was.

Good point

Invite the local friends, I would be happy to go for a friend even if I didn't know others. The fact none of them know each other is actually easier than all but one knowing each other. Invite your other mates too, just in case one of them can come.

Good luck with your marriage, I hope it is very happy.

my hen do was like that but was held in my granny’s house. It was great.

Does your fiancé have friends?

What a snarky question. 😒 Not everyone is the same as you.

It is minor. Op will have a perfectly fine time with her two close friends.
Your post is both smug and nasty.

It’s relevant.

advice is different depending on whether a reason can be identified ie acutely shy? Doesn’t actually enjoy socialising? Fiancé doesn’t allow her out!!

That's such a mean comment. Lots of people don't have many friends and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. You have soon-to-be husband so you are obviously loved. Why not just plan a spa day or a nice meal with one or both of your friends.

They’re not coming

I had my 4 closest friends and my sister at mine. Wonderful. So I’m hardly coming at it from perspective of… oh I had dozens at mine!!!

No. It's not remotely relevant.

Particularly when op clearly does have several close friendships anyway.

I had a day out with my two best friends, it was lovely and we catered totally to our needs without pandering to a large group!

Good heavens

trying to find out whether op knows why in order to tailor advise / response… has flared some people!

and I don’t think it’s minor and nor does the op so I wasn’t dismissing as such

This was me and you’re right OP it was awkward! Wish I’d skipped it (and eloped, so good for you OP!)

I missed that they're not coming, fair enough.
She still has plenty of friends, though. People don't all live within 3 streets of everyone they know.

I didn’t have one big hen do (it was too difficult to organize with people living far apart, pregnant/young babies, shift work, varying budgets and disabilities restricting what activities they could do).
I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, left out or pressured to do something that was unsuitable for them. Instead I organized to do something nice with each of them that suited their needs (taking an afternoon tea to their house, a spa day on their day off, a picnic at the beach, a weekend trip to Paris etc). If you have friends who would like to celebrate with you but they don’t know each other so a big party would be awkward then I’d highly recommend multiple mini hen dos!