Embarrassed I don’t have enough friends to have a hen do

[taratatata]

We’re eloping anyway so the wedding itself isn’t an issue. I’d love a hen do but I only have two ‘real’ friends, both live too far away and then I have a several more people that I vaguely know / have lost touch with, I would say we’re loosely friends but not close enough to invite to something like that especially where they won’t know anyone else but me. Minor thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel a bit deflated, hopefully you only marry once so it would be nice to have a special build up

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Then onto the drunken tacky night out which was over all quite a short lived trend "

Anyone unlucky enough to live in a city favoured by hen parties can tell you that these are still going on.

[JusthereforXmas]

@Mirabai

No-one did hen dos in my day and they just seem really forced and expensive.

'hen dos' developed from a historic tradition of women getting together to see off the bride the night before she moved from the family home to live with her husband who may live in another town where they would rarely see each other again... its literally been done for hundreds of years, the Victorians where very fond of it.

My parents and grandparents had them. They have changed in style (originally just family at home with gifts which in countries like America became bridal showers but fell out of favor in the UK. Then more social gathering took over in venues like church halls focused on friendships etc... all very WI-esq with cake and 'clucking'. Then onto the drunken tacky night out which was over all quite a short lived trend and now onto basically anything goes from paintballing to pottery making, naked art classes to 3 nights in Ibiza, Indian meal to spa treatments) but definitely existed even if you didn't partake, unless of course you are hundreds of years old.

[Moonshine60]

It's all about you and your partner. I didn't even have a hen do. We rocked up at the Registry Office with 2 witnesses and then went to the pub to equalize. I didn't feel hard done by or embarrassed (but then we had been together for 25 years before we went legal).

[MRex]

@taratatata

Thank you everyone for your helpful comments! I worry everyone would have a rubbish time but you’ve helped me to see it’s probably expected by them that they won’t know everyone, so on the basis of that I might do a lovely meal with some drinks and hope everyone can attend.

Sounds great, I hope you have a lot of fun!

[Gwenhwyfar]

@AlecTrevelyan006

I went on a stag do with just the groom and his best man - we had a great time.

I've been on a stag do as a woman. Best man decided the groom wasn't the type for strippers and the like so just had a meal for male and female friends. A lot of people have both sexes in their friendship group so I don't see the need for segregated nights out.

[AlecTrevelyan006]

I went on a stag do with just the groom and his best man - we had a great time.

[Preachandteach]

Ach don’t worry about it. I didn’t have a hen because I’m not keen on groups. I always prefer 1:1 meet ups. You do you!

[Keitharingsbitch]

@ArabeIIaScott

Successstory82's post is a reasonable question, given the OP has felt moved to make a post about her lack of friends!

There is no set way to do these things, OP. You can do what you please, have no hen night, just have your two best pals, have a mix of random people you've met in the pub, have it on blooming zoom, etc. It really doesn't matter, so long as you are looking forward to it and feeling good about getting married.

I'm wondering why you don't seem as happy as you could be about your upcoming wedding?

I'm going to be blunt: Why elope? Are you feeling isolated? Is everything okay?

If you can't see she was being a bitch you also have problems.

You're looking for problems. It's being a terf making you miserable perhaps so you have to make up problems in random poster's lives?

[Hollyppp]

@Oysterbabe

I think it's weird to have a hen do at all if you're eloping and they're not actually coming to the wedding.

Same

[ArabeIIaScott]

Apologies if I misjudged your post, OP. Glad you're happy, have a great hen, whatever you do.

[Susuwatariandkodama]

I didn’t have a hen do as I’ve never been able to keep friendships going outside of school/uni etc and then I became a mum young so never seemed to get the opportunity to meet others.

Maybe your two friends will travel down for you and you can all do something nice together, even if it’s a lunch or dinner together?

[wineschmine]

Don't sweat it.

If you'd like more friends then maybe focus on making some for the future, but don't get worked up about a hen do. I didn't even have one, they're not essential you know.

[Keitharingsbitch]

@Successstory82

Good heavens

trying to find out whether op knows why in order to tailor advise / response… has flared some people!

and I don’t think it’s minor and nor does the op so I wasn’t dismissing as such

You were being a cruel and you fucking know it. If you're going to be so mean at least own it. Were you shit just trying to find out why op hasn't formed friendships. If you were you wouldn't be so unkind about it.

[Keitharingsbitch]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

So you have friends even when you're this tone deaf? Well done 👏

I wonder if you're this nasty to your friends and if you are if they really are you friends. How unpleasant

[Yolo12345]

My idea of a dream hen do is not even calling it a hen do but just having a night out in a local pub....a bottle of prosecco to share and some crisps and a good natter. Not home too late. Awesome.

[mrshenny]

Invite all your friends even if they don't know each other and get drunk together. You'll all have a blast and your friends might even befriend each other!

[xogossipgirlxo]

Judging by the amount of drama around this topic, not many people invite close friends only. I don't think many adults have lots of close friends too. 2 seems like a normal amount, IMO. Invite some colleagues, it'll be fine.

[Nugg]

I've been to hens where I've known only the bride to be. It was fun! I've also arranged one for a colleague in a similar place to you - they were marrying abroad alone and me and my eldest daughter - who'd never met her- did them a hen. It was great!

As a pp said would your remote friends not come together for it?

[sunnydaysandhappythoughts]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

Not particularly nice thing to say

[teaandtoastwithmarmite]

For my hen do I didn't have any friends who knew each other except for two but I knew they'd see each other at the wedding. In fact I'm sure that is the idea of it. To get to meet each other before the wedding so I had the two friends from school, mil (my mum was 80), 2 sil and then 2 other friends who didn't know each other. I asked some other friends but they didn't come for various reasons. I was always frightened of getting married as I have a small circle and most don't know each other but it was a good night. We went for food and drinks in the city where I live and not my home city so some travelled.

[Scyla]

@taratatata

Thank you everyone for your helpful comments! I worry everyone would have a rubbish time but you’ve helped me to see it’s probably expected by them that they won’t know everyone, so on the basis of that I might do a lovely meal with some drinks and hope everyone can attend.

I hope you have a great time, I'm sure you will.

It's a celebration of women's friendship as much as a last night of freedom.

Make sure they know you are making a special effort for them as they are each people who you enjoy the company of.
I'm sure they will attend, tell them you are too introvert for a big wedding and this is how you prefer to celebrate with lovely people. They will appreciate that.

[TWmover]

As you've mentioned you are an introvert, I'd say don't feel like you 'have' to have a traditional type of hen if it's not really your thing. Do something you'd really enjoy with people you want to spend time with. As others have said its absolutely fine to mix people who haven't met before but if that won't let you relax and enjoy the day then perhaps organise something you'd lovewith your two closest friends? It doesn't gave to big a big night out... A spa day?

[FancyFanny]

I would invite all your loose friends- it's normal for a hen party to have people that don't know each other.
Why don't you organise an activity to do during the day which will break the ice and your friends will get to know each other a bit in an informal way followed by drinks and meal after?

[StoneofDestiny]

I've never been on a big hen do - always seem ghastly ideas to me. Been out with close friends (over nighters) where we can share the fun of the upcoming wedding. I don't think you are missing anything worth missing.

[TooJoy]

YABU

I think Hen do’s are silly anyway.

If you really want one then why not go and visit your proper friends and do something fun with them.

It may not be the stereotypical hen do with a big group of girls, a stripper and plastic willies but it will be way better.