Embarrassed I don’t have enough friends to have a hen do

[taratatata]

We’re eloping anyway so the wedding itself isn’t an issue. I’d love a hen do but I only have two ‘real’ friends, both live too far away and then I have a several more people that I vaguely know / have lost touch with, I would say we’re loosely friends but not close enough to invite to something like that especially where they won’t know anyone else but me. Minor thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel a bit deflated, hopefully you only marry once so it would be nice to have a special build up

[Knotted1]

I felt similar although our wedding was planned in a bit of a hurry and close to Christmas so lots of people I invited were busy. It ended up being a collection of 4 or 5 loose friends and my three closest friends. The loose friends drifted off during the evening as some had other plans and left the four of us. My DH picked us up and then we all went to our local pub! As well as that my best friend and I did a spa day the week before the wedding.

I think if you generally feel fine about your relationships and friendships it’s not a problem. But if it’s making you reevaluate then think of ways you can expand your social circle after the wedding.

[TeaKitten]

@Successstory82

Good heavens

trying to find out whether op knows why in order to tailor advise / response… has flared some people!

and I don’t think it’s minor and nor does the op so I wasn’t dismissing as such

She said she has 2 close friends that live too far away and 4 that don’t no eachother and she doesn’t want to mix them as it’s awkward so that’s your answer. It’s not the question that annoyed people so much, it’s the way you wrote it, you sounded mean.

[Drosselmeyer]

Have you asked your 2 close friends whether they could make it or are you just assuming it’s too far? 3 good friends would make a lovely hen party and you’d probably have much more fun than trailing round with 30 people.

[wistfullyfocused]

None of my friends knew each other until I’ve had gatherings, parties, BBQ’s, running club, holidays. They may like each other enough to form new friendships. Unless they are all very quirky they will make an effort for you, their friend.

Do something low key, have a meal together.

[cormorant5]

Given some of the posts and Threads about Hen Do's you might have dodged a hassle OP.
You are getting married to someone you think special. Enjoy that.

[HoleyShit]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

What a shitty unnecessary response

OP I'd definitely try and sort something with the two friends that live far away. Were you planning to have bridesmaids?

[Oysterbabe]

I think it's weird to have a hen do at all if you're eloping and they're not actually coming to the wedding.

[Evaka]

@Sunnyfeelgood

I once was invited to the hen do of a woman I vaguely knew at work. I was a bit surprised, but her husband had heard her say my name at home and he shared she didn't have a lot of close friends. She seemed perfectly nice, so I went along (wasnt a huge expense). We are now best mates! She had 2 close friends and a few randoms like me. It was a great night out. Invite the loose friends! The worst thing they can do is day they are busy.

This is not to devalidate how you are feeling. Big experiences like this make us evaluate our lives. But I wonder if your situation is all that unusual? It is hard to hang on to close friends the older you get, a lot of our lives are made up of the not so close day to day people.

This is such a lovely story!

[Successstory82]

@Oysterbabe

I think it's weird to have a hen do at all if you're eloping and they're not actually coming to the wedding.

Another good point

[SirenSays]

Don't let it get you down OP! You have options. You could invite family or some people you're friendly with, even if they dont know each other theyll have a nice time. Or have a nice get together on zoom with your distant friends. Or a couple of you could do something bougie like a really posh spa day or wine tasting. Congratulations on your wedding 🍾🥂

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Hen Dos are all about bringing different friend groups together.

[GreggsVeganSausageRoll]

My colleagues found out I wasn't having a hen do, so we all went out for a curry and they bought me a 'bride to be' sash, it was really sweet.
(my closest friend was a 12 hour flight away, and was arriving morning of wedding, which was a tiny 10 guest wedding anyway)

[Successstory82]

I can’t imagine being invited to or arranging a hen do

but not being invited to the wedding

[Framboisery]

I had a low key 'hen do' with 2 friends. Went for a facial and out for a nice meal.

Proper hen dos don't look that enjoyable to me. Forced jollity, activities that someone thinks is fun and too much booze.

[Furrydogmum]

Don't feel too bad about it. To be honest, if you're eloping a hen do is kind of unnecessary as they usually bring wedding guests together as a getting to know you bash before the big day.

[Opaque11]

@ssd

Och, don't be embarrassed. You've met someone special you want to marry, thats brilliant.

This. That's a win op. It's about quality not quantity. I had about 11 hens on mine but I only am close to 3 today. No big fallout or anything, just that it really wouldn't have mattered at the time of those 3 were the only ones.

[Scyla]

I didn't have a hen party nor have I ever been to one. I married a long time ago and they weren't really much of a thing then unless you worked in a factory and it would be a bit of a fuss at tea break.

I found this bit of history which seems to reflect that time.

By the 1990s the hen party looked in danger of fading away into oblivion. It had long since lost its relevance, and for a tradition to continue it has to remain relevant, or fun, or preferably both. One of the principal reasons it was losing its relevance was that it was no longer truly a Last Night of Freedom for most women, as by this time many couples were living together before marriage.

https://www.lastnightoffreedom.co.uk/ideas/history-of-the-hen-do/

Don't worry about it, there will be times in your life when parties come to life more naturally than this for you.

[SleepingStandingUp]

How far away? One in Aberdeen and one in Truro or one in Maine and one in Sydney?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

I wouldn't mind being invited to a hen do where I didn't know anyone else. I would just make polite chit chat and maybe make friends. Just invite them.

[Successstory82]

@GeriKellmansUpdo

I wouldn't mind being invited to a hen do where I didn't know anyone else. I would just make polite chit chat and maybe make friends. Just invite them.

But would you be ok going to a hen do where you know on one and you haven’t been invited to the wedding ie likely never going to see them ever again

[JustDanceAddict]

I had mine 20+ years ago before they became a big ‘thing’ abroad and had a mix of people, a couple who didn’t know anyone else too!! Had a meal and club and then a few stayed over. Was a good laugh.
I’ve been to small ones where it’s been 4 of us inc the bride (dinner and club).

[ChildrenOfTheQuorn]

I've been to a hen do where I've literally only known the bride. Bringing together disparate friends is completely fine and normal!

[2kids2catsnolife]

Two close friends is lovely, just do something with them.

[Tootsweets84]

Nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't have a lot of close friends either and didn't bother with a hen do for that reason. It's a combination of having moved around a lot (I've always built friendships wherever I have been, but tend to lose the closeness once I move), being quite introverted and just generally being picky about who I trust. I have 2 very very good friends who do not know each other and who I would trust with my life, but I can happily go months without speaking to either of them. I do sometimes envy women who are part of a big female friendship group, but then I hear about the arguments and gossiping and realise I'm happy with how things are

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

Unless I have misread the post, there is no wedding as they are eloping. So I wouldn't mind. Personally, I am often invited to events where I don't know anyone. Doesn't bother me.