Embarrassed I don’t have enough friends to have a hen do

[taratatata]

We’re eloping anyway so the wedding itself isn’t an issue. I’d love a hen do but I only have two ‘real’ friends, both live too far away and then I have a several more people that I vaguely know / have lost touch with, I would say we’re loosely friends but not close enough to invite to something like that especially where they won’t know anyone else but me. Minor thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel a bit deflated, hopefully you only marry once so it would be nice to have a special build up

[Skyisbluegrassisgreen]

@Successstory82

It’s relevant.

advice is different depending on whether a reason can be identified ie acutely shy? Doesn’t actually enjoy socialising? Fiancé doesn’t allow her out!!

Stop digging….

[ZiriForEver]

Not sure how hen do goes together with eloping. (missing the point, I know).

Otherwise, having rather individual friends instead of one big bunch really is normal.
If you decide you want to mix them, there is a good chance it would work. If you decide it's more stress than worth it, it is fine as well.

Two closest living away makes it harder - would it make sense to set up a meeting just with them at some location reasonably reachable by all three of you? It isn't a typical hen do, but might fit your situation the best.

[Aavalon57]

It's quite normal not to know everyone at a hen do. It's about friends/family from all parts of your life coming together to celebrate. You are the one thing they all have in common. If you had a hen do, what would you like to do?

[Creative33]

@taratatata

We’re eloping anyway so the wedding itself isn’t an issue. I’d love a hen do but I only have two ‘real’ friends, both live too far away and then I have a several more people that I vaguely know / have lost touch with, I would say we’re loosely friends but not close enough to invite to something like that especially where they won’t know anyone else but me. Minor thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel a bit deflated, hopefully you only marry once so it would be nice to have a special build up

OP don’t get down about this. I was exactly the same and felt I needed to expand the invite list, so I invited people who I knew well but wasn’t great friend with.. tbh I’m no longer in contact with any of the people at my hen party besides my sister and 1 other person! I wish I’d just had a nice meal with her and had a pamper sesh together… the ‘fun activities’ and night out were so false and it felt forced at the time.

Remember it’s all about quality and NOT quantity. A hen is what feels right for you, not what social media paints it to be.

You do you. I wish someone had told me the same

[Fighterofthenightman1]

@BodegaSushi

I agree with this 💁🏽‍♀️

How people can find a partner but not a friend is a mystery to me

Can you honestly not see any difference between a friend and a partner?

They're two completely different types of relationships with different expectations

[853ax]

Bringing together people who would usually not be with each other is one of the great things about hen parties.
If you work with a few people and your future husband has some sisters, cousins ECT invite them for a lunch see how it goes from there.

[WowIlikereallyhateyou]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

Not sure YOU have many friends with that snarky attitude?

[Bluebellsbells]

I found myself in a similar situation for my second time round. I found my first hen so stressful because everyone came, who didn't know each other and we ended up doing traditional hen stuff which I hated.

Second time round I asked my closest friend to come for a stained glass making day it was great! Much preferred it no hassle, no worry about people being left out not getting on etc.

Ask one of your friends to do something you enjoy, like afternoon tea, spa day etc.

[FlamingoYellow]

I have the same problem! I'm getting married next year and have very few friends. In fact, my closest friends are: my future husband, my mum, my ex husband, one of my brothers (not the other 2 though), and a friend who lives in Canada and will have a 2 month old baby when I get married so won't be able to attend anyway. What a party that would be 😆. I'm just going to drop some hints around some female colleagues I like and hope they arrange a night out for me!

We are just having a very small wedding with parents and siblings but my DP has a good group of friends so he's having a stag weekend with them, despite the fact none of them are invited to the wedding. Most people will be happy to go along on a night out to celebrate someone getting married even if they're not invited to the wedding. Is there an activity that all your friends would like that you can do together? Then it won't be awkward that they don't know each other.

[sadieshavingashindig]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

How catty.

[CloseYourMouthLynn]

Could you go somewhere with both or one of your closest friends, meet halfway somewhere? My friends are all scattered and don't know each other and I couldn't be bothered with it all so my closest friend and I went for a spa weekend for mine and to Spain for hers. It was great both times, very relaxing! Good luck.

[Mirabai]

No-one did hen dos in my day and they just seem really forced and expensive.

[MeinKraft]

@Numbersarefun

I went on my hen do with my mum, my grannies, my aunt and 2 friends. We had a great time!!

Yeah I was going to say lots (most?) people have family members in their hen party not just friends

[ChrisPPancake]

My 'hen do' was a night on the piss with my best mate. Did me just fine. At the time I had a couple of really close friends, never had a gang of 'the girls' or anything like that and I don't think I'm a poorer person for it! Plus I hate being the centre of attention and find stuff like the L plates with a veil/everything penis related totally cringe.
Had a lovely evening the night before the wedding though with my bridesmaids/sister/mum and aunties.

Hen nights aren't compulsory.

[SaysRelaaxxx]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

This is so judgemental. Why should everyone be like you? Some people are happy with a couple of close friends!

[lieselotte]

I had a small hen do, I think there were 5 of us. The friends didn't know each other, but it was fine.

[Itsbeennice]

OP, not everyone is like @Successstory82 and feels an urge to point out that they have friends who mean the world to them and that, from their perspective, your problem is not minor (and is therefore significant) … ignore them, except perhaps to wonder how much of a success story they really.
Hen-dos are a social, cultural construct, good for the economy and to make a person feel important for a while, I suppose. But they are most definitely not something you should value your worth by. You are so much more than a party.

[MyDogStoodOnABee]

No hen do, that’s a result in my book!

[Dustybarn]

My hen do was a night at a smartish restaurant with my two closest work friends and a couple of girls from the office. I was in a foreign country with no family or friends from my old life. It was just a relaxed dinner. Half the girls didn’t drink for religious reasons so no embarrassing antics. They made it a lovely evening and I couldn’t have wished for better!

[TheLadyofShalott1]

Sorry @taratatata I have only read the first page, and your posts, so someone else might have already suggested this, but do both of your close friends live in the same town - ie you moved away from that town? If so, or if they both live quite close to each other, have you thought about having your hen do near them? If you could stay at a hotel for a night or two it might make the celebration even more fun?

I have been married twice and didn't have a hen do either time - I don't know why, but I just didn't fancy it. However you do, so please try to do so one way or another. I hope you have a lovely Wedding Day, and an even better life with your partner 💐🍀🌻

[Howiwonderwhat]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

This reads like 'why are you such a loser?'

Op, My mum always told me that one good friend is an amazing blessing. I have two, so I feel incredibly privileged to have not one, but two long standing, loyal friendships spanning over 2 decades.

I also had a very traumatic friendship many years ago where this person tried to control me and stabbed me in the back. I am very wary of letting people into my friendship group as a result.

I make superficial friendships very easily but am too busy to invest much more, so for me, my two oldest friends were the ones who came on my hen do. It was great. We spent a Weekend somewhere fab. It was chilled out, fun, stress free and memorable.

I have no regrets at all and am so glad we all went away to spend that special time together. We had such a laugh!

I in no way feel hard done by, ashamed, embarrassed or anything like that! As my mum said, I'm blessed beyond measure to have the two friends who've stuck by me for years. To have a husband as well seems too good to be true!

[laloue]

Mine was just me and two friends who didn’t know each other but I knew would get on. I don’t have many close friends, plus we have moved around a lot.We went to Cardiff supposedly shopping , had our make up done at a counter (swiftly wiped off in the loos, much hilarity ) , had lunch and lots of wine, came back to mine and watched a film with treats and yet more wine- just a nice day , no big deal, no pressure.Do it when you can , not necessarily before the wedding.Do what you enjoy , not what others think you should do. If it helps we only had 15 people (no family)at the wedding and 25 or so(still no family but neighbours and colleagues)at a party at our house in the evening.

[snowydays10]

Don’t feel any pressure to have a huge hen do like so many people do, they honestly inviting lots of people they are hardly friends with. See if you can arrange a dinner or brunch just the three of you

[YouNews]

@MyDogStoodOnABee

No hen do, that’s a result in my book!

This.

I've been on too many hideous hen dos with L plates and people trying desperately to look they are having a good time and get drunk with strangers. Did not want one when it came to my turn. Blessed relief.

[GreekDogRescue]

@Successstory82

Not minor in my opinion. My friends mean the world to me.

Why have you not developed friendships?

No need to be unsympathetic.
what are you hoping to achieve with your post?