Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

[DisneyBaby]

I grew up in a house where it was rude to go upstairs in someone else's house and even if the toilet was upstairs and I needed to go, I would say 'is it ok to use your toilet upstairs' etc...

This is the norm for most people isn't it?

My MIL always tries to find an excuse to go upstairs in our house and I'm really uncomfortable with it. Firstly it's messy and secondly I just feel like bedrooms etc are private. Am I alone in thinking this?

She sometimes makes out she's looking for something in my daughters room or says my daughter wanted to go up there etc. But other times she's said things like 'I bet you can see ..... from your bedroom window' and tried to go up to see something from my and DH room.

Would you have a problem with this?
I don't know why she feels it's acceptable...

Let her son speak to her and tell her your bedrooms are private.
alternatively leave some sex you’d out for her to find

I’d be surprised if she’s keen to mooch about upstairs

I feel like you are projecting onto her

In all honesty why not tidy your bedroom? I guarantee the woman isn’t interested in it at all

I don’t think anyone should have to ask if it’s ok to go upstairs to use your toilet every time, especially family. Maybe the first time they visit (but mainly so they know which room it is!).

Having said that, I don’t think people should be opening bedroom doors and snooping either. That’s weird. Shut all the doors so you can hear if she opens them and scoot up there to assert your boundaries?

Was brought up the same way.

You're being weird, sorry. You can't honestly tell your child's grandparent that they can't go in their grandchild's bedroom! What if your child wants to show them their toys or play with them up there?!

No, you are not alone in this, it's rude.

Keep it tidy and problem solved.

Bedrooms are private I don’t think toilets can be!

I think it’s really rude. If the bathroom is upstairs I wouldn’t expect anyone to keep asking, obviously they should just use it. But going into people’s bedrooms is a no no

Well, patents and PiL live far enough away that that nearly always stay, so, yes, they go upstairs.
I'd be very unimpressed if they found a reason to go into our bedroom tho.

Woman goes upstairs to pee in family member's house- hold the front page!!

When my ILs came to stay, they were our guests and the guest room was upstairs. They had free run of the house except for our bedroom and MIL was boundaries enough not to dig about because she knew it was my house, not hers.

I think you're overreacting, it is her son's house.

It's not weird at all.

I don't think my MIL ever went into DS's bedroom, bar when I was showing her how we'd decorated it. But then, she's a lovely woman and not a Nosey Parker.

My mum does this. It's because she is nosy. Even if one of my DC is showing her something in their bedroom, she will take the opportunity to have a look in my bedroom and the spare room. No reason, just nosy.

To add: it infuriates me. She has a complete lack of respect for anyone's privacy.

Put a lock on your bedroom door?

I don't think bedrooms are any more private than any other room in the house.

It would be rude to go upstairs in someone's house that you didn't know well, but not close family.
My parents are always up and down my stairs going to the kids bedrooms with them etc, I've never given it a second thought.

It's not the norm to ask if you can use the toilet in your son's house, no.

If you don't want her snooping in your bedroom, shut the door.

I'd be pretty miffed if my partner told me my own mom wasn't allowed upstairs in our house.

A friend, a distant cousin, I'd understand, but this is your husband's mum OP.

She probably just wants to nip in the bathroom (and yes, even if there is one downstairs, I don't see the problem with her wanting to go to the one upstairs) and play with your DD in her room.

Unless there's a backstory, I don't think it's likely she wants to snoop in your bedrooms.

Spot the nosy posters claiming op is weird.

Yes, it's definitely rude to take yourself upstairs in someone else's home. By all means, use the toilet but it's obvious op means her mil is doing more than just using the bathroom.

Put a bell on your bedroom door but I don't see the issue with children's rooms if invited or the bathroom....can your parents go upstairs to the loo without asking?

I think it's rude to go into bedrooms uninvited. Toilet I wouldn't expect to be asked.

I've literally never thought about it before. We've always wandered around each other's houses.