Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

[DisneyBaby]

I grew up in a house where it was rude to go upstairs in someone else's house and even if the toilet was upstairs and I needed to go, I would say 'is it ok to use your toilet upstairs' etc...

This is the norm for most people isn't it?

My MIL always tries to find an excuse to go upstairs in our house and I'm really uncomfortable with it. Firstly it's messy and secondly I just feel like bedrooms etc are private. Am I alone in thinking this?

She sometimes makes out she's looking for something in my daughters room or says my daughter wanted to go up there etc. But other times she's said things like 'I bet you can see ..... from your bedroom window' and tried to go up to see something from my and DH room.

Would you have a problem with this?
I don't know why she feels it's acceptable...

My mum lives 300 miles away. She comes, she stays. She can go upstairs. As can my PiL when they come.

You could always make her a little pen in the garden. The children could pop out to visit and maybe take her the occasional cup of tea. What does she need to be in the house for, after all.......

Lockable door knobs.

It’s rude to go in someone’s bedroom without being invited but asking every time you need the loo is a bit OTT.

So weird she is snooping op, I wouldn’t like it either it’s extremely rude to be going into bedrooms!!!

Think there are a few on this thread who are nosy Cheeky buggers who get talked about when they go home...

Definitely leave sex toys, lube and lingerie out on the bed.

I was brought up to not go upstairs without permission .. and yes defo ask if to use the bathroom . I was quite put out when my MIL went upstairs to use the bathroom when there was a perfectly good one downstairs .. she hadn’t done it since .. I think next time she tried I just let her know the downstairs cloakroom was free

If you have a big house with a loo and playroom downstairs and your Mil isn't staying overnight, then maybe.

But I would expect a visiting close family member to be able to use the bathroom or play with/ care for children in their bedrooms.

I'd say adult bedrooms are private by default unless told otherwise. But I can't imagine my in-laws or parents having to ask every time they needed the loo, or not going upstairs to read a bedtime story to a grandchild or admire their birthday presents.

My late MIL stayed in our home regularly, I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying you can’t do this or that, she was a much loved and now missed member of our family.

Lock the bedroom. Bathroom perfectly reasonable to use in my opinion.

I think it's rude to go in other people's bedrooms.
I'd keep my bedroom door shut when she visits..

Nor do I. It’s a very odd attitude, my bedroom’s just a room with a bed in it.

Our family and extended family don't go into bedrooms, unless asked to. Even guest rooms if someone's staying.

The norm is to get the tour when someone first moves in, and before it becomes their private spaces but after that, invite only really.

Mooching round someone bedroom-rude.
Going upstairs to use the toilet/see something in child’s room-not rude

I'm in the camp that it's not rude to go upstairs, particularly not to the bathroom or a grandchild's bedroom especially if the grandchild is asking you to come see something. If there were a reason to go into your room (eg grandchild left favourite stuffed animal there, clean laundry with grandchild's sweater needed to go out there) that would also be fine with me. Going into your room for no reason would be a bit odd.

I guess I just don't see why you care, even if she does see a mess. But at the end of the day you do care, it's your home, so get your DH to ask her not to go into your room. Bathroom and grandchildren's rooms should be off limits thoughh

The op didn't say they had an upstairs toilet, it was an example.

I'm with you op, I was brought up the same. Your mil is a nosey bugger.

I don't think people should just wander into your bedroom as it's your private space.

But I also think its bizarre to ban your mother in law, or anyone else, from going upstairs in your house.

And just tidy your bedroom.

I would expect any guest, even family, to let me know what they were up to "must pop to the loo, do you want that ironing in the kids' bedroom while I'm going up", "a 10 ft hot tub next door you say? Let me go up to your room and have a peep", or "X is just taking me up to show me the monster under her bed!"
To me that's just part of the visit.

God what awful secrets do you have lurking up stairs? No, MIL shouldn’t be just trip trapping around being nosy but equally family shouldn’t be forbidden like criminals. If it was your own mother how would you feel?

But they're not, unless you're happy for a guest to sit and relax on your bed.

If you are, then check mate, but most people wouldn't like it.

Keep it tidy and you won't panic every time she wants to go up there. She might genuinely want to see the kids' bedrooms, which I think is normal.

I don't even ban my dogs from going upstairs let alone other humans

Am I weird?

Toilet, absolutely if there's not one downstairs, but bedrooms are not for mooching around in by visitors. I keep pills out and it's not always completely tidy or things tidied away. My MIL is both a nosy bat and she also says what she thinks, I find it intrusive and none of her business

I would never go into somebody's bedroom, it's rude. When I was going out with DH their bathroom was upstairs and I always felt uncomfortable using it