Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

[DisneyBaby]

I grew up in a house where it was rude to go upstairs in someone else's house and even if the toilet was upstairs and I needed to go, I would say 'is it ok to use your toilet upstairs' etc...

This is the norm for most people isn't it?

My MIL always tries to find an excuse to go upstairs in our house and I'm really uncomfortable with it. Firstly it's messy and secondly I just feel like bedrooms etc are private. Am I alone in thinking this?

She sometimes makes out she's looking for something in my daughters room or says my daughter wanted to go up there etc. But other times she's said things like 'I bet you can see ..... from your bedroom window' and tried to go up to see something from my and DH room.

Would you have a problem with this?
I don't know why she feels it's acceptable...

Luckyduc
OP has said this isn't just about going to see things with the grandchildren.
OP's MIL has a mooch around OP's bedroom.
Would you really tell your son to run a mile from a woman who doesn't want their MIl mooching around their bedroom?

If I had teenage children who thought it was acceptable to go rummaging around other people's bedrooms when they visit, I'd be really disappointed that they've got no respect for other people's houses. Chilling in their friends' bedrooms is fine. Having a mooch around upstairs in other people's houses, not fine.

Mooching round someone bedroom-rude.
Going upstairs to use the toilet/see something in child’s room-not rude
Agree with this.

She's rude.
Shut bedroom doors and loiter on landing
" tidying up" to escort her downstairs

I'm a bit late but wanted to say. You are right. My mother in law just goes upstairs. She's up there now poking about and I feel really judged and uncomfortable.

Get your bum up and ask if you can help her.

Would have but was breastfeeding baby so was hard to move. She went up cos my 6 year old wanted to show her something in her room. I'd already quickly said just bring it down. Feel like my MIL should have understood but no, up there for ages. Made me feel really ashamed as there was clothes everywhere and everything a shambles. I kept shouting my daughter down too but that was ignored by both of them.

Does she expect you to ask to use the loo in her home and would she think it rude if you went uninvited into her bedroom ?

If the answer to these questions is yes then it’s rude and intentionally so.

If the answer is no, then she lacks good manners in my view but this may be unintentional.

Going into a bedroom uninvited is an invasion of privacy and shows a lack of respect for common and decent boundaries.

Can't see a problem with a family member going anywhere in my house.

She certainly shouldn’t go nosing in adult bedrooms! I’m sure my MiL wouldn’t have dreamt of it. I wouldn’t mind at all if a MiL went into kids’ bedrooms to look for or fetch something, or if a dc wanted to show her something. And if there’s only an upstairs loo, no problem with that at all.

If I were you I’d keep my bedroom door firmly closed when she comes round, and maybe invest in a lock!

How sad your daughter isn't allowed to show her gran her room or play there with her.

Surely family members don't ask to use the loo?

If you have a downstairs loo and she's not staying overnight , why would she need to go upstairs ?. Do your bedroom doors have locks ? Maybe it's time they did.

Grandparents / family going to the loo: no not remotely normal to expect them to SDLT.
Ditto if they go in children’s bedrooms to play, as often asked by children.

My Mum wouldn’t have entered my bedroom without knocking or asking but in our family, family are family and fully welcome to relax and not stand on ceremony in each others’ houses.