Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

[DisneyBaby]

I grew up in a house where it was rude to go upstairs in someone else's house and even if the toilet was upstairs and I needed to go, I would say 'is it ok to use your toilet upstairs' etc...

This is the norm for most people isn't it?

My MIL always tries to find an excuse to go upstairs in our house and I'm really uncomfortable with it. Firstly it's messy and secondly I just feel like bedrooms etc are private. Am I alone in thinking this?

She sometimes makes out she's looking for something in my daughters room or says my daughter wanted to go up there etc. But other times she's said things like 'I bet you can see ..... from your bedroom window' and tried to go up to see something from my and DH room.

Would you have a problem with this?
I don't know why she feels it's acceptable...

Does your mother walk about in your house without asking? Does she go to the upstairs toilet? Does she go in the grandchildren’s rooms? Or is that different? My sons mother in law walks about in their house like she owns it while I’m not even invited in, when I mention this it’s ‘different’. Can’t be doing with being treated ‘differently’ on their terms. Apparently it’s because I’m not related ‘enough’?!?

I think it’s rude if you make people ask. If you can’t host properly then don’t. I feel sorry for ppl who were brought up like this

You’d have felt a lot more uncomfortable if you hadn’t.

Really weird to say a bedroom of a grandchild is ‘private’ when it comes at a grandparent unless the kid is older and doesn’t want them in there.

People are seriously nosey though

My MIL used to be constantly going in our bedrooms. I think she was trying to be helpful but it drove me nuts. If there were some clothes draped on the back of a chair she would fold them and put them on the chair. It was when she started putting underwear away in my drawers I had to get DH to have a word. I wouldn't say I consider the bedrooms out of bounds but at the same time I don't really see why a guest even close family would need to go in.

Very odd, family welcome everywhere in my house, mess or not! But we are a very close and loving family.

My bedroom is my own little space. The rest of the house can be inundated with people, pets - my bedroom is my quiet place, with my laptop, my books, my magazines and my lovely bedding. I can't think of one reason that anyone would need to go in there uninvited, and I wouldn't want them there, going through my stuff or mucking up my gorgeous bed. And certainly not just out of curiosity!

My family all commands, Davies upstairs is definitely not out of bounds. All of D D toys and her main play area is also upstairs. So I don’t think upstairs is the issue it’s more the my bedroom I wouldn’t want people going inTo. People still often wait for us to allow them in et cetera so I think this is a bit OTT and then probably is a balance.

Going upstairs to toilet is fine and as family shouldn't need to ask. Going into dcs bedroom with them is OK but going in on her own for a nosy and not sure if there could be another reason if not with dc not ok. Going into your bedroom most definitely not ok unless with you and you have invited her in for a particular reason.

Sorry, that was awfully full of typos. Basically my family come and stay with us so them going upstairs isn’t a huge issue.

My dc don't even go in our bedroom.. Yanbu to want a private space. Tell dh he needs to to tell them to keep out..

I was brought up the same way op. You would always excuse yourself to leave the room to use the toilet, and I still do, even in my parents' and inlaws' homes. If you have to use the upstairs bathroom instead of a downstairs loo, then you ask permission to go upstairs. It's just manners. These are also the homes btw where I'll put the kettle on and ask who else wants a drink, so I'm very welcome and at home, but upstairs is the private space of the household. I will often take my mil or dm or whoever up to see some new bedroom furniture or decorating etc., but neither would dream of inviting themselves upstairs.

It wouldn’t worry me at all. She’s family!

My dc’s grandparents look after them regularly and have done since they were tiny. It would be bonkers to trust them with my most precious things but not let them go upstairs in my house.

I didn’t know my MIL had been in my bedroom until she lectured me about needing to tidy it up! To be clear, there was ZERO reason for her to be in there: no bathroom, no storage, absolutely nothing that anyone but my dh and I could have needed.

There was a lock installed and used the next time she visited. And she threw a fit because locked doors don’t belong in families 🙄

It is rude. I was brought up that other people's upstairs are out of bounds unless specifically invited up, even childhood friends. This also seemed to be the case in other people's houses.

Exactly

DH designed a secret bolt for a private cupboard in our bedroom.

We both knew DM wouldn't be able to resist having a nose about. Always explained away as 'being helpful'.

It amused us to think of her trying to work out why that cupboard wouldn't open.

I think it's polite to say you're off to the toilet - if there's one downstairs I'd expect to use that one, rather than going upstairs. If there's only one available upstairs, you go right to the toilet and right back - no exploring!

It's weird to think they can just wander into bedrooms, quite nosy. Especially for such a rubbish excuse of things you can see from your window 😂

I would never expect family to ask to use the loo upstairs, they are welcome to wander around if they want to!

This is the norm for most people isn't it?
Not in any house I've ever been in, no!

Spot the nosy posters claiming op is weird.

I'm not remotely nosy. I honestly have literally no interest in nosing around people's houses. Maybe that's why it wouldn't occur to me not to want people going upstairs in my house.

We have PIL staying with us right now for a few days. It would be a bit tricky to not let them go upstairs, since that's where the spare bedroom is! We have had umpteen friends and family members to stay, and our kids' friends have always been allowed upstairs. Honestly, I have never heard of such a 'rule'. We don't even necessarily keep our bedroom door shut. It's just a room fgs - it's not a secret lair!

Some people are extra nosey…can’t resist opening drawers, cupboards etc. We have a couple in our family that I wouldn’t want having the run of our house as DH would go mental if they were having a snoop around.

DH's family wander everywhere, I remember everyone congregating in our bedroom once, just leisurely having a conversation. I was irritable and asked them to move, it's a bloody bedroom!

I also don't go upstairs in other people's homes unless invited to do so.

The bedroom is the only room of the house I have sex in, or leave my pants on the floor, so it is definitely more private!

@bibbityboppityboo "I think it's polite to say you're off to the toilet" Now, I was brought up to believe that was really rude! At MOST you say "Excuse me." You never announce you're going to the loo!