Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a grandparents one. Food.

180 replies

DataNotLore · 29/05/2023 08:58

I'm incredibly lucky to have regular, free childcare from grandparents (my parents).

They also come over quite often at other times.

The problem is that they constantly feed my DS rubbish as "treats".

Cakes, biscuits, sweets endlessly.

They see him two or three times a week so it's building up.

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

I don't buy this kind've food and I'm getting him more exercise.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Anybody else dealt with this? Argh!

OP posts:
Opaque11 · 29/05/2023 09:00

You could ask them but they are providing you with free childcare so it's a tough one. If you have him more than half the time, and never have this in your home then surely it can't be down to the few treats he has there twice a week?

Sellotape6 · 29/05/2023 09:00

Will they not respect your wishes and just stop? That kind of food isn’t great for anyone to eat. Look into ultra processed food research!

Itsanotherhreatday · 29/05/2023 09:01

Ask that they treat him to strawberries rather than sweets?

Are there any sugar free ones you could stash at their house?

Curseofthenation · 29/05/2023 09:02

You need to cut back on the free childcare with the grandparents for the sake of your child's health. You could give them one final chance to change what they feed DC before taking this step. They clearly have no respect for your opinon.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/05/2023 09:03

If they only see him two times per week, 90% of his food must be coming from you?
A treat twice per week shouldn't make too much difference?

TheMooney · 29/05/2023 09:05

I would hate this. So bad for his teeth, for a start!

If they are doing it all the time, it stops being a treat. If he's had cake all day for 3 days that week then it also means that he's not had enough nutritious food that week for you to be able to take him for a treat yourself.

Can they treat him to movies or pokemon cards?

Theunamedcat · 29/05/2023 09:05

How constantly? Is it to the exclusion of real food or in addition to real food?

Maybe you have to tell them you will use paid for childcare if they don't calm it down

Original poster
DataNotLore · 29/05/2023 09:07

TheMooney · 29/05/2023 09:05

I would hate this. So bad for his teeth, for a start!

If they are doing it all the time, it stops being a treat. If he's had cake all day for 3 days that week then it also means that he's not had enough nutritious food that week for you to be able to take him for a treat yourself.

Can they treat him to movies or pokemon cards?

Exactly! He'll literally live on cake and biscuits the entire time he's with them.

They'll cook a proper meal then wonder why he won't eat it- not connecting the extra large chocolate muffin they gave him 20 mins ago.

OP posts:
RightWhereYouLeftMe · 29/05/2023 09:10

Can you afford paid childcare? Because I'd be telling them that I'd be switching to that unless they stopped.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Well that's not their call.

TheMooney · 29/05/2023 09:11

Opaque11 · 29/05/2023 09:00

You could ask them but they are providing you with free childcare so it's a tough one. If you have him more than half the time, and never have this in your home then surely it can't be down to the few treats he has there twice a week?

If he is eating cake in place of real food, then he will over-eat that when he is at his grandparents. He will then eat less when he is at home, therefore displacing food with nutritional value.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/05/2023 09:12

Start paying for childcare and stop them seeing him?

Or adjust what he has the rest of the time and keep the thousands you save / earn as a result of their help and try to support the strong relationship he has with them?

PuppyMonkey · 29/05/2023 09:14

“Disappointed you feel that way parents, so going forward we won’t be needing you to look after DS. See you later.”

watermeloncougar · 29/05/2023 09:16

I would definitely start using proper paid childcare. Put your child's needs first rather than the 'perk' of free care

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 29/05/2023 09:17

I would be really firm here. Make it clear that there is a medical concern over his weight gain and if the constant high calorie snacks don’t stop you’ll have to for the sake of his health look elsewhere for childcare

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 29/05/2023 09:18

If they see him 2-3 times a week and he also goes to school full time, I'm not really sure you can place the blame entirely on the grandparents here.

However if you're unhappy with what they feed him and how they care for him, then the solution is to pay for childcare.

WimpoleHat · 29/05/2023 09:18

I’m usually on the side of “take free childcare, take the wag it’s given”. But if you’ve actually had a letter from school, they need to listen to you. I’d tell them either they get real about this or they don’t look after him any more. I think that’s all you can do. It’s not fair on your DS to let him get overweight at this age and so they’re not actually looking after him well or properly.

Original poster
DataNotLore · 29/05/2023 09:19

It's not about the money, I can afford childcare.

He is the light of their lives and he loves them too.

DH also thinks I'm being precious. He feeds DS better but will let him watch too much tele too.

Dammit, I need to work! I'm the main breadwinner so need to be able to trust these people!

FFS.

OP posts:
Henowner · 29/05/2023 09:20

I had this issue with my mil. I have to say that eventually my child realised that it wasn't a great idea to stuff himself with shit food at her house. He's 17 now and is sugar free. When he turns down her treat food she moans at him and looks appalled! He just laughs at her. So it might sort itself out eventually 😊

CovertImage · 29/05/2023 09:22

PuppyMonkey · 29/05/2023 09:14

“Disappointed you feel that way parents, so going forward we won’t be needing you to look after DS. See you later.”

Yeah, because that's how people out in the real world speak to each other

EggInANest · 29/05/2023 09:30

Tell them they don’t need to buy his love with food, he loves them anyway.
Tell them that you know they like the idea of treating him but feeding him excess sugar isn’t showing him love, it is bad for him.
Say that it is obvious that he IS putting on weight and it is not fair in him. And that you do take the school letter seriously and as his Mum it is your choice to make.

But in the end, if they will just smile and nod and then carry on behind your back you do need to find professional childcare.

Jessbow · 29/05/2023 09:32

Presumably a 6 year old is at school full time,with either the paked lunchthat you provide,or a school dinner.

if your parents havehim twice a week,presume school pick up a couple of days, they are not really having him for any great length of time- couple of hours?

Before you cause a real upset, check the rest of his food consumption, and perhaps as if he can have his treats after dinner- he may not want endless biscuits then

HeavenonEarth · 29/05/2023 09:33

Can you blame the school after the letter and say, we’re not allowed to give him sugary food and treats any more.

Sissynova · 29/05/2023 09:34

You do need to also look at his diet the rest of the week. You don’t become overweight from 2 days a week so you need to look at how the family eats the rest of the time, how often he snacks, how active you all are as a family etc.

If you don’t want him to eat cake ultimately it’s your child but you don’t get overweight having a couple of treats a week.

Whattodo112222 · 29/05/2023 09:34

I think for the sake of your son, you need to use paid childcare.

Mrsjayy · 29/05/2023 09:35

Tell them to stop giving him biscuits say he's allowed 1 treat and that's it,if they don't stop you are going to have to find after school care.

Do schools really send letters home that kid is overweight?