It's a grandparents one. Food.

[DataNotLore]

I'm incredibly lucky to have regular, free childcare from grandparents (my parents).

They also come over quite often at other times.

The problem is that they constantly feed my DS rubbish as "treats".

Cakes, biscuits, sweets endlessly.

They see him two or three times a week so it's building up.

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

I don't buy this kind've food and I'm getting him more exercise.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Anybody else dealt with this? Argh!

They clearly equate love to 'treat food' if they are leaving you doughnuts too!
I have two GC and another on the way and I'm trying to be really careful about the 'treats' I give my LO, especially as I come from a family where crap food equals love lol
I'm hoping if I slip up in future my daughter and son in law will remind me. I'd hate to be the reason my GC were unhealthy.
I'd sit down with your parents again and just tell them your concerns. As loving GP (which they clearly are) they just need to be reminded that crap food doesn't equal love!!

Z@DataNotLore

I don’t think that’s enough to make a child overweight

Your parents sound like lovely people, but they need to take this seriously. What if you tried telling them you’re doing a new thing where your son just has one sweet thing a day? And you’d really appreciate it if they helped by keeping it the same when he’s at their house. You can do a food diary where he maybe draws what he’s had each day. Tell them it’s for his teeth, there’s an instinctive thing where grandparents want plump little kids but no one wants rotten teeth.

as for the food they leave at your house. I HATE food waste but I have finally realised that it’s actually better to give this stuff away or -if not possible - throw it away rather than feeling forced to have crap in the house you don’t want. And that’s not me being a food nazi, I’m way too fond of treats myself but I’d rather save that treat for something I actually love not just something I’m eating because someone gave me a big box of biscuits

Food diary - I mean for everything not just sweets! Maybe like a box for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack.

What are the portion sizes of the meals you give him?

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

Your parents may think it’s wrong (on what basis?) but it must surely give pause for thought. Letters aren’t sent randomly; someone in a position of authority thinks he is overweight. So you’re a pretty neglectful parent (and they’re pretty neglectful grandparents) if this isn’t at least taken seriously. Could you start by saying he can have one sweet item a day? So crumble after dinner OR a chocolate yogurt, but not both? Alternatively, you could give DS a weekly limit so that he’s in the habit of thinking “a fudge bar and a yogurt and a pudding at granny’s means no ice cream on Saturday”? Not in a punitive way, but just as getting him used to the concept of healthy eating and moderating sugary food. One of my DDs is a bit too
keen on sugar; I try not to focus on weight, but sometimes if we’re in Starbucks or somewhere I will point out “gosh - that cake has as many calories as that large sandwich - it’s like eating another lunch”. And she will take that on board and then choose a smaller biscuit, or suggests the cake to share. I think done gently it’s not a bad life lesson.

They definitely do- suspect they're making up for not being able to do this when I was a kid

Thank you for that.

It's something I should've done a long time ago

So, someone has asked you not to bring certain types of food into the house because they are causing issues (health and whining) and you still do it? Really?!

Personally I wouldn't as I wouldn't want to waste my money, but I don't think buying donuts or chocolates for your grandchildren is rude, no.

Ultimately parents need to parent and if OP doesn't want her son to eat them, then she says no. Just because the food is there, doesn't mean it has to be eaten. She could take it to work with her and offload it that way if she doesn't want it in the house.

But putting him in after school care due to this issue IS making a point in the same way that complaining is.

It might be making the same point but it won't have the same outcome.

If you're unhappy with the free care someone is providing you, then IMO you have two choices - suck it up or pay someone else to do it. If OP complains too much she may find she has no choice anyway as the grandparents could just turn around and say "fine, we won't have him anymore then".

As a grandparent who does a lot of additional childcare I don't see why it's so hard to respect the parents' wishes.

Doesn't mean the odd treat isn't allowed but it doesn't have to be relentless.

And feeding them crap doesn't make them love you more

To add to my previous post:

regarding the tray of donuts, I would honestly chuck them in the bin. Possibly in front of the parents.

Make a list of suggested non food treats?

I think you have to share those very helpful calculations with your parents and your partner, and - if they'll agree - work out a plan for change.

Presumably you do think he's overweight and your partner can also see this? In which case those calculations should concentrate his mind if not your parents.

I would also go visit childcare so if you need to make the switch you are prepared to do that. He's likely to really enjoy nursery, so if that's the way it has to be he'll be fine.

Then either switch him now if they don't get it, or do a trial period if they say they do.

I am pretty relaxed but feeding him like this is cracked and could set him up with problems for life.

Id start throwing out what ever treat food they bring and tell them you are doing it. You don't seem to be able to get through to them so Id take some harsh action

As a grandparent who does a lot of additional childcare I don't see why it's so hard to respect the parents' wishes.

I don't disagree.

But you can't force that to happen. The grandparents have made their feelings quite clear so ultimately there are only two options here - suck it up or pay for childcare.

There isn't really another way around it - especially as she's mentioned it to them already and they're not bothered.

It’s processed food full of empty calories, much of which are sugars ,as is the juice incidentally. Eating random amounts of sugars is hard for your body to process , we have a huge diabetes problem in the UK, many children and adults being diagnosed with type 2, and one of the issues is believed to be how your body copes with having high levels of sugar being constantly topped up. Our bodies aren’t designed to deal with it. Eating regular meals and not snacking gives your body time to deal with your digestion in a controlled and efficient way.

Reduce the after school care once per week and explain to them kindly he needs to have tea when he gets home bad then he can have the treats he wants. Also explain if they can't be reasonably about giving him fewer treats then how can they look after him for you? If he likes fruit tell them a treat is fresh mango/raspberries/strawberries etc

Explain you don't want the treats in your house and anything they bring will go in the bin. If they continue out them in the bin in front of them.

It's a very difficult thing to tackle

:It's not about the money, I can afford childcare.

He is the light of their lives and he loves them too.:

put the kid in childcare!!!!
I dont care if he is the light if their lives
They will ruin his teeth. Give him diabetes type 2 and him being overweight at this age will have him suffer with his weight his entire life

Love isn't feeding children relentless amounts of sweets

Stick up for your boy!

Then pay for childcare. Easy.

also hard to believe treats a few times a week have made your child big. Does he exercise?! Are you big and it’s somewhat genetic? Do you all over eat?

"Tell them they don’t need to buy his love with food, he loves them anyway."

I think this needs to be a major theme in the conversation. This is what I tell the owners of fat dogs and quite often I see the light bulb click on. I like the PPs idea of an activity club during GP time- it could be "their thing".

So you would deliberately parade treat food in front of your six year old grandchild when you are fully aware that, for his own good, he's not allowed to eat it?

You would deliberately add to your daughter's working-mum mental load, and deliberately cause conflict between her and her son, on the grounds that "she needs to parent".

How lovely.

This is why there's an obesity crisis. So many deluded people thinking this is normal or acceptable eating. And that kids need to eat all the time!

and THIS is why we have a childhood obesity problem.

What happens during the holidays - are they looking after him all day or is he in clubs?