It's a grandparents one. Food.

[DataNotLore]

I'm incredibly lucky to have regular, free childcare from grandparents (my parents).

They also come over quite often at other times.

The problem is that they constantly feed my DS rubbish as "treats".

Cakes, biscuits, sweets endlessly.

They see him two or three times a week so it's building up.

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

I don't buy this kind've food and I'm getting him more exercise.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Anybody else dealt with this? Argh!

no problem @DataNotLore I’m a geek, plus I was frustrated by the “it’s fine posters”. I thought the cold facts might force them to acknowledge the point. But alas, they have just ignored the post….

I wouldn’t be okay with this, OP. I’d give them one more chance and if they don’t respect your wishes, I’d be using paid childcare. The vast majority of my fillings are from childhood - my granny feeding me sweets and fizzy drinks without limit. I am now a very greedy adult with a sweet tooth, despite my best efforts to eat really well. It definitely stems from childhood. In my experience, it’s really hard to undo habits when you’re a teenager and even an adult so I’d be taking this seriously. Good luck.

So you would deliberately parade treat food in front of your six year old grandchild when you are fully aware that, for his own good, he's not allowed to eat it?

Blimey. Bringing edible gifts to a house isn't "parading treat food in front of a six year old" - maybe dial back the hyperbole a little bit? 😂

You would deliberately add to your daughter's working-mum mental load, and deliberately cause conflict between her and her son, on the grounds that "she needs to parent".

Yes - I would expect my daughter to parent and say "no" if she didn't want her child to eat something. Isn't that a basic part of being a parent? My grandparents often offered me junk food and my parents were more than capable of saying "not now" - it's hardly a massive mental load 🙈

and THIS is why we have a childhood obesity problem.

Aye, apple crumble, custard and fruit juice is the devils food 😂

Well @viques if OP isn't happy with the free childcare her parents provide, she's free to pay for it elsewhere isn't she?

Everyone can complain about the grandparents until the cows come home and argue about what a healthy diet is (or isn't) but ultimately unless OP makes a change, everything will continue the way it is.

She has two choices - continue using her parents for free childcare and accept that means they'll feed DGS whatever they want, or pay for childcare and make that decision herself.

Erm, yes, I agree.

It’s 842 extra calories a day, which is about half his recommended daily calories. You genuinely don’t see how that’s a problem?

I totted it up in my head the same. This 6 year old DC is getting a whole days worth of extra calories a week - that not ok. I can’t believe people saying it doesn’t seem much and it wouldn’t bother them, no wonder there are so many fat kids around now. Also the denial in saying their kids are not fat, “oh it’s because he’s muscly”, “she’s so fit she can’t be overweight”, it’s nonsense.

It’s 842 extra calories a day, which is about half his recommended daily calories. You genuinely don’t see how that’s a problem?

The dessert and the a glass of fruit juice should be included as part of his normal diet, so I wouldn't count either those as extra calories. Most children I know eat some kind of dessert after meals and drink a glass of fruit juice each day.

A yoghurt, a small chocolate bar and some polos, while not ideal, are perfectly okay for twice-weekly treats IMO 🤷‍♀️

If OP disagrees (and she's free to do so) then the solution is to pay for childcare, not complain that what her parents are providing (for free) isn't good enough.

Unfortunately your parents are unlikely to change. Some people just don’t “see” obesity in kids.

It’s a shame but you need to start paying for childcare and have him spend time with the GPs only on your territory where you are in control of the food.

This is important, OP. Put your son’s health first.

Op, what can you change?

1. bin everything they leave. Explain to them they might not be worried but you are and any treats they leave go in the bin.
2. find a child friendly ‘meal plate’ picture and food pyramid picture and put them on the fridge- something that labels food as all the time, sometimes, occasionally rather than bad.
3. talk to your dh and ask if he can agree some outside/ active play goals. That means you aren’t asking him to turn the tv off rather to fit it into exercise.
4. explain to your parents you can’t stop them feeding your child junk when you aren’t there but it makes you anxious and upset, and you won’t allow any treats when they are visiting while you are there anymore. They can bring delicious fruit if they want to treat your child.

see how that goes before you cut down on the childcare (having read the thread and seeing it’s because they want to)

And let’s not forget the grams of sugar that is in all of that. The original Muller yogurts tend to have large amounts of sugar for the size they are. Saw one with 12g of sugar and another with 16g of sugar, nhs website says for ages 4-6 the recommendation is 19g max.

I have to say my children don’t get fruit juice ever, nor chocolate bars during the week, they get them at parties and on holidays! Flavoured yoghurts are for holiday treats too. You can have healthy children who get plenty of treats and know they are adored without feeding them lots of sugar every day. (Mine do get a choc chip cookie in the lunchbox). They get cake AFTER dinner when we have cake if they’ve had a decent attempt at eating their dinner, I like baking and they love helping so that does happen every few weeks. When they say they are starving in the hour before dinner I say that’s great you should eat all your dinner up then! Lots of good fruit after dinner is a treat.

Being overweight now is likely to set him up for a lifetime of weight issues. You need to prioritise your child over grandparents disrespecting your parenting decisions. You say you can afford childcare so really this isn’t even a dilemma; he needs to go into formal childcare and be supervised when with grandparents.

The dessert and the a glass of fruit juice should be included as part of his normal diet, so I wouldn't count either those as extra calories. Most children I know eat some kind of dessert after meals and drink a glass of fruit juice each day.

Are people really giving their little children apple pie and custard every day? Jeez I must’ve neglected my kids then.

Maybe not that specific dessert, but in my experience most children do get something sweet after dinner, even if it's just fruit salad or some biscuits 🤷‍♀️

Whilst I agree with you, that’s a fairly standard and regular pudding for children at DS’s nursery. The issue is more over the portion size than content a lot of the time.

I was at a conference last week childhood obesity was being discussed again.

The statistics and impact are horrendous.

I'm an overweight adult but was appalled at the issues we are storing up.

It doubles your risk of obstructive sleep apneoa
It increases the risk of complications if you need general anaestheisa
It increases your risk of hypertension in childhood
It increases the risk of impaired glucose tolerance and type 2 diabetes in childhood.
Significant issues with liver function due to fatty liver disease

It's a real issue.

I'd be be pointing all of this out to your parents. There are other more patient orientated guides but sometimes a scientific paper hits home the hardest.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41572-023-00435-4

OP I really feel for you because it's a horrible situation you're in through no fault of your own.

I'm of the opinion that this is a hugely serious matter and the overfeeding of children ought to be considered neglect or abuse. The only reason it isn't is that it's so widespread that as a society we have lost sight of how awful it is to do this to young people when their bodies are developing. The problem isn't just obesity, the junk food is also going to be messing with his gut bacteria and affecting his immune system making him more vulnerable to other diseases later in life. This can be a permanent change as he's being damaged at such a pivotal time in his development.

Anyway if you've really truly asked your parents to change what they're feeding him (including suggesting healthy alternatives) and they won't, then I do think you need to find alternative childcare that meets his physical needs. I would thank them for their help and tell them you're grateful and all that, but also be firm that it's not up for debate. They couldn't step up when it mattered but you, as his mother, can step up and make a change for the better.

Good luck.

So, I just did the same calculation and it came to 857 calories and 123g of sugar.
This was assuming a small glass of orange juice, and that the apple pie was a single Mr. Kipling's apple pie (not huge) and 125g of bought custard. The Polos alone are 139 cals and 33g of sugar. This is a huge amount of extra calories and sugar for a 6 year old.

OP, I would measure out 123g if sugar into a small glass, or a container that maximises the appearance of the volume. I just looked in my conical cooks measure, the metal Tala ones, and it is a huge amount of sugar.

Show it to MIL, FIL and DH. Possibly challenge them to eat it all with a teaspoon within the timeframe that your Ds was fed those snacks and desserts.

It is a shocking and obscene amount of sugar for a 6 year old to eat after school.

Throw them out if you don't want him having them and don't want to eat them yourself.

The free childcare your son is being offered isn’t suitable so you need to start paying for a professional setting like everyone else has to.

Then when your DS sees his grandparents it really is as a treat. If speaking to them clearly isn’t working, you need to take matters more seriously and change your arrangement for him stat. It’s affecting his health.

Wow that's a lot of sugar!! I wouldn't have fed my child all that, but I definitely eouldnt have realised it was that much sugar.

I think what is an issue in this debate is us saying we drank juice/ate snacks and were fine as kids. It seems normal to us. But if you grew up in the 80s and 90s (or even 60s and 70s), you're the 30-60yos of today. Who have huge obesity issues! We're not fine

Polos? Does anyone eat a whole roll of those in one day? I don’t even know adults who sat polos by the roll, let alone children. Most people who eat them (I can’t stand anything minty) carry the roll around with them or keep it in a drawer and have one every now and then.

Apple pie and custard was part of the meal. Unlike most MNers I have no problem with juice, if it’s pure juice. If it’s squash it’s not ideal but a few times a week won’t hurt. I couldn’t lose any sleep over the other things. People here are acting like they are giving him crystal meth.