It's a grandparents one. Food.

[DataNotLore]

I'm incredibly lucky to have regular, free childcare from grandparents (my parents).

They also come over quite often at other times.

The problem is that they constantly feed my DS rubbish as "treats".

Cakes, biscuits, sweets endlessly.

They see him two or three times a week so it's building up.

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

I don't buy this kind've food and I'm getting him more exercise.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Anybody else dealt with this? Argh!

Ultimatum time! The sugary treat food stops and they give fruit or yogurt instead. Or you find alternative childcare. This is not negotiable and you know how much they love ds but these are your terms.

Then take out one each as an after lunch treat or to take on a walk if you want to ,and bin the rest, or preferably bin them all. Or put them in a bag and hand them back at the door. If you just leave them in the cupboard it looks as though you are happy to have them there.

Were they like this with you as a child OP

I had to be really honest with my parents and told them my dd would not be seeing them as much if they continued to feed her rubbish. It was constant - I mean seriously constant! Cakes after cake and bags of crisps. They stopped albeit with a few snipey comments that I nipped in the bud. Now my dd is older and at school she doesn’t go to them as much, but the first few years were a battle.

Firstly is he actually overweight for the amount of exercise he gets? Our eldest also had a note home re being overweight. Not sure how they calculated it, but she was 2nd youngest and 2nd tallest in the year, and definitely the fittest (at sports day would lap the entire class in the 600m, and be last to run in relay and take team from last to first due to all the swimming/riding/walking/running=/football she did ie masses fitter than even the boys)
Secondly just tell parents this has to stop or you'll change to a nursery.

OK, you have control over this. You have to tell them not to buy this for your house or bin them/bring them to your office straight away.

@TheMooney

That's exactly it!

DH is on their side oddly, think's I'm being precious.

It certainly was not like this when I was a kid.

We were broke so mostly home cooked stuff (mainly "meat" mince & tatties) and a ten pence mixup at the weekend for a treat.

I was a tiny bag of bones who didn't eat much anyway (sadly this is no longer true).

Show them the letter from the school, then sit down and and work out how to get his weight down with them.

@DataNotLore

think you’re just gonna have to start paying for childcare OP

Who sent the letter home - a teacher or a health care professional?

Are the two days a week that they looks after him at the weekend ? Or for two days after school?

If it’s the latter , why can’t your husband work flexibly so he can care for his child two days a week after school?

I can’t see how 2-3 hours twice a week can be making your child overweight. There’s a limit to how many muffins he can consume in that time.

But ultimately you need child care you can trust. If you are not happy you need to rearrange things.

Wrong, actually. It can only take sustained extra intake of 50cal per day to persistently gain weight.

If they give him just 200 extra per day, that's 400 per week, 9 weeks to the LB. Small, unnoticeable, until it's far too late.

It's not fair to expect the OP to run him at a defecit all the time just so her parents can be thick and neglectful.

Absolutely stop using them as childcare. Your priority here is to look after your sons health and teeth.

they won’t change and you can’t make them Change their ways

That's two dinners per week that he won't eat because he's full of biscuit. Add in another one when the grandparents come around on the weekend and leave packets of lollies. That's half the week!

It's not half the meals in a week - it's two meals and one snack per week. Of course biscuits instead of dinner isn't ideal but it would be worse if he was eating both. When they visit at the weekends OP doesn't have to give her son the lollies or donuts either - just because they're in the cupboard doesn't mean they need to be eaten.

Plus, lunch is usually school lunches or the one type of ham sandwich that the kid does eat, so not great anyway. It adds up really quickly.

OP is the one responsible for his lunches though so that's a totally separate issue to what the grandparents feed him.

They're responsible for two meals and one snack per week from what I can see - the other nineteen meals and snacks are down to OP and her husband.

I'm not saying what they're doing is ideal but I would look closer to home first before potentially ruining a great relationship over a couple of chocolate muffins.

One snack??!

If only!

In one evening after school:

Chocolate corner yogurt
Fudge bar
Apple pie and custard after dinner
Polos
Juice

He may or not eat the dinner.

OP what are the portion sizes of your ‘healthy’ meals? I sometimes see that people don’t recognise that nutritious food can also cause weight gain, because people give young kids too-large portions.

Just suggesting that there may be changes you can make at home too. Obviously the grandparents issue needs addressing.

Right so tell them since they won't stop you'll be looking for paid childcare and the second you catch them sneaking in stuff the childcare stops and they can see him when you visit.

You have to be firm when it comes to kids, especially for their teeth. Are they going to go along when the dentist has to sort out decayed ones?

I had similar with my mother, who has always expressed her love with food. She would fill them fill up with cake, biscuits etc, than act surprised when the kids wouldn't eat dinner.
All I could do is reduce the number of times the children went to her house after school during the week.
If she brought excessive food to our house I would put it away in the kitchen, then dispose of it later.

I agree with everyone saying you need to look closer to home too. You are trying to shift all the blame on to the grandparents. Whilst they are in no way shape or form helping; this isn't just them.
Even what you've listed below for the 2 evenings per week - the other 5, every breakfast, every lunch is yours.

@DataNotLore well done for taking the school letter seriously. These letters are sent out as if something is done about a child's weight at this stage, it is unlikely to be a problem later in life.

Unfortunately lots of parents start questioning the letter and are in complete denial about their child being over weight, because "they are sporty, they walk a lot" etc...

You need to get your husband on board with this. As a child it's near impossible to say no to junk, so the best way is not to have it on offer. If your in-laws want to help with childcare, then they also need to be onboard.

Could you encourage your child to do more sport? Go for a walk each evening together after dinner?

My brother got the overweight child letter a few years ago as their son was overweight, despite playing quite a lot of football. My brother had a fear of his son being hungry, so was forever giving him snacks (couldn't cope with the tantrums from saying no!), then wondered why he didn't eat his dinner. Thankfully he took action and my nephew is now a normal weight and eats much more healthily.

If the inlaws bring snacks, then just hand them back and say no thank you.

In one after school:

Chocolate corner yogurt
Fudge bar
Apple pie and custard after dinner
Polos
Juice

He may or not eat the dinner

I don't consider juice to be a snack - it's just a normal drink - and the apple pie and custard is just a normal dessert too.

I couldn't get worked up about the polos, a yoghurt and a small fudge bar personally - it's not the huge amounts of food I was imagining from your OP.

YANBU because it doesn't give you a chance to give him treats, you always have to be the healthy food nag.

If they want to treat him, ask them to save up the treat money and get him a book, a game, or toy like lego that they can play together with him, or go out somewhere with him for a walk. I still have the poetry book my grandmother got me for stopping biting my nails and the Tintin book my mother bought me 'just because'. Those sort of gifts are worth any number of sweets.

Op, I completely understand. Ds was a bit overweight. Then v overweight. Then, frankly, scary overweight. And it was the relentless treats and snacks on top of "normal" food. But I was the only one who ever said no. I can't even imagine how much worse it would have been if MIL had seen him regularly - I once walked in on her feeding him a chocolate egg by hand, at breakfast time, when he was about 18 months (he struggled with fine motor skills but trust me, he could have shovelled an easter egg in by himself)!!!!!

Hes fine now. But it took me losing it and ds himself realising that he was much bigger than the other children (and yes, some teasing).

Ds loves mil but does find it frustrating that when she sees him she almost tries to force feed him. It's her way of showing love, but it is not ok.

I think, if you do agree that his weight is a problem, you have to speak to your dh and parents. We had a slimming World style points system for ds - he could have xx points with a biscuit being yy or whatever.

Surprised at the comments saying just two snacks a week. OP has consistently pointed out it's an afternoon of non-stop junk, and then not eating a proper meal.
The problem is then that he develops a taste for these sugary foods and won't eat as well as he should at home.
I think you need to sit down with them and have a proper chat @DataNotLore You're in a really difficult position here.
Even if he's not that overweight yet, those kinds of foods are for occasional use, not to be lived on, as they are bad for his teeth and health.
If they really won't stop he's going to have to go to alternative care, which would be a shame

I don't think you should stop using the grandparents as childcare - the good that will come from their relationship with your DS will outweigh the potential sugar damage.

You need to educate your parents - don't make it only about your DSs weight, make it about his overall health. They think they are being kind and generous and are showing their love by giving him sugary food, this is the mindset you have to change. They have to have another way to show their love for him.

I would bin any sugary food left behind so it's not a thing your DS can focus on.

I doubt it's the three times a week of greets that has put your DS into the oversight category though. He may be just a heavy child, and will be more proportioned as he grows if he continues eating healthy food.

I've seen plenty of young children slim down, and skinny reception children are end up leaving primary school obviously heavier than is healthy, so everyone needs to play the long game whatever size and weight your young child is.

Surprised at the comments saying just two snacks a week

I'm not. There will be a slew of people on here who can't bear the thought of their kids being hungry and supply constant snacks with water bottles everywhere they go.