It's a grandparents one. Food.

[DataNotLore]

I'm incredibly lucky to have regular, free childcare from grandparents (my parents).

They also come over quite often at other times.

The problem is that they constantly feed my DS rubbish as "treats".

Cakes, biscuits, sweets endlessly.

They see him two or three times a week so it's building up.

He's six and there's been a letter home saying that he's overweight.

I don't buy this kind've food and I'm getting him more exercise.

My parents think that the letter is wrong and I'm just being precious.

Anybody else dealt with this? Argh!

I was beginning to feel like the only one who thought all of that

Maybe not that specific dessert, but in my experience most children do get something sweet after dinner, even if it's just fruit salad or some biscuits 🤷‍♀️

Not in this house. After dinner pudding is reserved for Sundays. Are children seriously being given this type of pudding and treats every day?? I really hope the parents aren't ones to moan about the state of the NHS or lack of dentistry.

Yes - in my experience, dessert after meals is totally normal.

At school, it's some form of cake/crumble/pie with custard, and at home it can be anything from cake to fruit salad to yoghurt to ice-cream to biscuits or a small bit of chocolate.

Even as an adult I like something sweet after a meal. My teeth and weight are both fine and I've never had a filling in my life.

I would try again to give some guidelines.
No treats before a meal
One small bar or chocolate after school ( if a long gap until mealtime), or after the meal.
yogurt or small portion of pudding is fine.
Ask them to water down the juice or serve a very small glassful.
Appeal for their help in managing his weight . If all else fails, consider paying forchildcare.

If an adult came on MN and said they came home from work a few times a week and ate a chocolate yoghurt, a chocolate bar and a pack of sweets, then didn't fancy dinner so just ate crumble and custard with a glass of juice and wondered why they were overweight - they would be piled on for having dysfunctional eating.

Why is it ok for kids? What do you think happens when they reach adulthood? I couldn't eat like that and not put on weight and certainly wouldn't be healthy so why on earth would it be ok for a child.

Yes - in my experience, dessert after meals is totally normal.

At school, it's some form of cake/crumble/pie with custard, and at home it can be anything from cake to fruit salad to yoghurt to ice-cream to biscuits or a small bit of chocolate.

Even as an adult I like something sweet after a meal. My teeth and weight are both fine and I've never had a filling in my life.

Doesn't in any way make it healthy or appropriate.

Well, as has been said multiple times, if OP is unhappy with the free childcare she's receiving, she can book her DS into paid childcare where she has full control over what he's given to eat.

I'm not really here to argue about whether the amount of treats is appropriate as ultimately it's not really relevant - OP's parents aren't listening to her or following her wishes, so she needs to find an alternative source of childcare. There's not really any other option.

Wait, so you’re saying it’s normal for kids to have dessert after every meal, not even just once a day? Rishi, I think I’ve solved the obesity epidemic in our kids 😆

Why on earth would you do this? It makes no one happy. Kid is unhappy because he's seen treats that he's not allowed to eat. Mum is unhappy because she's got added unnecessary whinging that she has to deal with, and has to dispose of the stuff that you have brought. Just... why?

We've had this issue with grandparents on both sides as they live locally, help with childcare and seem incapable of rational thought regarding treats. DH had a very stern word with his parents after they genuinely gave the children cheesecake as an after school snack (and then sent them home to us where they mysteriously didn't want dinner). It was the latest in a long line of ridiculous after school snacks. I also had a word with my Mum when she was giving them biscuits after school.

I think they just have taken the 'grandparents should spoil grandchildren' far too literally, we had to make the point that treats on days out were fine, but they needed to reign it in on normal school days! And we do have to remind them every few months, the kids are good at talking them into things and it makes our life a lot harder! Does my head in! So no advice as we always annoy the grandparents when we mention it, but it needs to be said.

I'll add another problem-the sugar , especially in this quantity, is ruining his microbiome, let alone his teeth.

God yeah, we’ve got so much to learn about our gut health.

If he's 6 what 2 days do they have him? The weekend or after school? 2 evenings is 2 meals out of 21 plus snacks that's not the real problem.
Are his portion sizes too big? Does he exercise? Does he get food elsewhere,?

Perhaps you could bring treats to the grandparents and ask that they be used instead of all sweets. Maybe a rule where the child gets one sweet each time he's there so everybody gets what they want.

Give them an ultimatum! Say unless they can meet you half way you'll need to look into alternative childcare.

800 odd calories of sugar in one day is not good. It just isn't. It's empty, nutritionally deficient crap.

All the 'it's just juice' comments don't make it good. Eat an apple FFS.

Im not saying yr child is fat because I haven’t seen them but a fat child often ends up a fat adult, and that is a battle for life. I’d have a heart to heart with your mum, write out a few healthy snack suggestions / recipes. If you leave your child to her house include some food so she sees it’s not so difficult. Tell her you are making changes in your own diet, you need her to feel like she’s helping you. Good luck.

I sympathise. ILs look after DD after school for two hours once a week (at their request, not mine) and fill her with rubbish in that time. DH spoke to his dad about it after she barely ate dinner one time and they said they’d stick to fruit and then the next week she had mini cheddars, several biscuits and a lolly 😡I think all you can say is that you’re worried about the effect on his health/teeth/ruining dinner and can they stick to a small treat or healthy snacks going forward?

Never heard of schools telling parents their offspring are overweight.
By all means , mention that to grandparents, and also make sure you adhere to the rules too. Maybe you could do some activities with him when your free, walking swimming or cycling , that might help.

Never heard of schools telling parents their offspring are overweight

Um, they get weighed in primary school unless you opt out and letters sent out. Probably wouldn't hear of it unless you have a kid in primary.

If they love him they should care about his health. If they respect you as the parent they should respect your wishes. Just because they provide free childcare that doesn't mean they can override your decisions or use it as a bargaining chip i.e. If you want free childcare you'll have to accept us feeding him sugary shit constantly.

There are weight checks done by school nurses because so many young children are overweight or developing diabetes they do. BMI on all the year

I'm going to throw my two pence in this, my 10 year old is just under 6 stone, he's also the tallest kid in the class and wears age 12-13 for the leg length, they told me he was "grossly overweight" for his AGE. They also told me that my 11 year old daughter who is 5'4" and pure muscle, 6 pack and everything, was "overweight" for her AGE. My husband is 6'4" and I'm 5'10" there's no small kids here.
My oldest was also "grossly overweight" for his AGE, not build or height, AGE. And the kid is 25 and not more than 10.5stone wet through. It's relative.

@DataNotLore if you think it's too much you have to say something, but equally the system used to 'measure' these children is very, very outdated.

I'm overweight on the bmi chart. I'm tall and a size 12. My 5'2" cousin is 1.5stone lighter than me and a 14/16.

Please don't worry too much.