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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to eat out when on a trip/outing?

209 replies

CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:12

I sometimes go out with a friend , either day trips or sometimes overnight. We have similar interests so enjoy visiting museums, stately homes, nature reserves, garden centres etc.

As Summer approaches we tend to do more trips together but one issue that arises is that I love to eat out in nice cafes and restaurants and my friend thinks it's a waste of money and always wants to have a picnic instead. She's quite comfortable financially so it isn't an issue of money, she just thinks it's a waste of money.

I'm happy to compromise and have a picnic now and again but I don't want to do it all of the time plus she hates eating outdoors because of the insects so she always wants to eat in the car which does not have the same appeal.

I'm quite happy to buy lunch for her but she still constantly fusses about the waste of money when I do but to me I enjoy a really good coffee, cake and Or sandwich so much that it's worth it to me. So AIBU to want to eat out sometimes?

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:14

It's a bit off putting to hear her talk about what she could have had for the money instead while I'm trying to enjoy my cake.

The picnics aren't anything special either when she does them. Just very standard packed lunch stuff which is fine but sometimes I want something a little more special.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 28/05/2023 14:15

Neither of you is being unreasonable, you just view things differently!

Mrsjayy · 28/05/2023 14:16

I honestly would go out with her between meals tell her you hate picnics in the car so will go for a coffee instead and cut down on your out time. Yanbu frugality or stinginess is tiresome.

CantFindTheBeat · 28/05/2023 14:16

Ooh, j agree with you, OP. Eating out and/or having afternoon tea, cake etc is part of the fun! It's a treat and an indulgence which I love.

Obviously different if you can't prioritise the spend, but you say that's not your friend's reason.

Don't know how you change her though. Sounds like it's part of her.

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 28/05/2023 14:17

Not unreasonable at all. I find food and drink are vital parts of the experience of having a day out, breakaway or holiday.

BranchGold · 28/05/2023 14:17

Yanbu, I think it’s hard when it feels like you’re the only one who seems to be making compromises in a relationship. Do you have any other friends/family you could go out with? I’d maybe try to see her less frequently, so I wasn’t always the one going without.

Thingsthatgo · 28/05/2023 14:17

How often do you meet up? Eating out isn't a priority for her. I'm the same as your friend TBH. I would rather spend my money on something else, even though I could afford to eat in a cafe. I don't get much enjoyment from food, it's just fuel to me.

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 14:17

Yeah this would bug me too, it's one of life's pleasures, eating out, not having to prepare the food yourself or clear up after

CottonSock · 28/05/2023 14:17

She sounds like my mother in law 😂

GoalShooter · 28/05/2023 14:18

Neither of you are wrong or unreasonable, you just have a different opinion.

Maybe agree to alternate? But she needs to agree to not mention the expense when you do eat out!

MsVestibule · 28/05/2023 14:18

Eating out is a key part of a day out for me! I'm quite happy to have a picnic if we're on a family day out (lunch for 4 can get really expensive) but when I'm out with a friend, unless it was a gorgeous day and I'd bought a picnic lunch from a shop, I would expect tea and cake as a minimum.

I do understand her feeling awkward about you paying for her but but if she's going to accept it, she needs to be more gracious rather than still complaining about the cost. Does she know how you feel?

Paperlate · 28/05/2023 14:18

Eating out at a nice cafe if you are ok money wise is part of a day out for me. A picnic now and again would be okay, but nor every time and especially not sitting and eating it in a car.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 28/05/2023 14:19

This would piss me off. Maybe she could eat in the car park of the cafe while you have a nice lunch/coffee/cake?

drpet49 · 28/05/2023 14:20

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 28/05/2023 14:17

Not unreasonable at all. I find food and drink are vital parts of the experience of having a day out, breakaway or holiday.

This. She sounds a right misery.

Paperlate · 28/05/2023 14:21

UnsolicitedOpinions · 28/05/2023 14:19

This would piss me off. Maybe she could eat in the car park of the cafe while you have a nice lunch/coffee/cake?

While waving and raising your cup at her through the window 😂

KohlaParasaurus · 28/05/2023 14:21

I'm with you, going to a café or restaurant for lunch and decent coffee is part of the experience of a day out and car picnics are dismal especially if flask-flavoured coffee is involved.

TinkerbellPeter · 28/05/2023 14:22

Although you may assume she is quite well off, she might not really be. She might have outgoings which you don't know about. I think you should take a pack up of things you like to eat, and eat out on your own dime when you're not with your friend.

Paperlate · 28/05/2023 14:23

TinkerbellPeter · 28/05/2023 14:22

Although you may assume she is quite well off, she might not really be. She might have outgoings which you don't know about. I think you should take a pack up of things you like to eat, and eat out on your own dime when you're not with your friend.

The OP is quite willing to pay for her friend.

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:23

Although you may assume she is quite well off, she might not really be.

She definitely is. She just has a particular bugbear about this issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:25

Does she know how you feel?

She does but I may have to be firmer as it rather spoils my lunch when she keeps going on about the (usually very reasonable) cost.

OP posts:
hettiethehare · 28/05/2023 14:25

DH is like this - it drives me potty.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/05/2023 14:25

Yeah I know people with this kind of mindset, I think its a throwback to when they were raising their kids because it is bloody expensive to eat out as a family. Nothing more annoying than sitting down with your nice fancy coffee to be greeted with 'oh your having a coffee? We have coffee at home'.

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:28

How often do you meet up?

Twice a month but once the weather improves we might go weekly.

OP posts:
BlackForestCake · 28/05/2023 14:32

Are either of you big foodies? It’s not difficult to make a picnic with something nicer than most museum cafés offer. Smoked salmon in a cool box and a half bottle of champagne, perhaps, or some fresh bread and pate.

Yes it's fun to eat in a cafe, it can also be fun to eat in the sunshine for next to nothing.

You are both going to have to agree to compromise. Say sure, we'll have a picnic but I'm not eating in the car because it's grim.

SwingandaPrayer · 28/05/2023 14:32

CottonSock · 28/05/2023 14:17

She sounds like my mother in law 😂

Took the words out of my mouth!! No one can cook as good as her so eating out is always a waste of money. Very tiresome!