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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to eat out when on a trip/outing?

209 replies

CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:12

I sometimes go out with a friend , either day trips or sometimes overnight. We have similar interests so enjoy visiting museums, stately homes, nature reserves, garden centres etc.

As Summer approaches we tend to do more trips together but one issue that arises is that I love to eat out in nice cafes and restaurants and my friend thinks it's a waste of money and always wants to have a picnic instead. She's quite comfortable financially so it isn't an issue of money, she just thinks it's a waste of money.

I'm happy to compromise and have a picnic now and again but I don't want to do it all of the time plus she hates eating outdoors because of the insects so she always wants to eat in the car which does not have the same appeal.

I'm quite happy to buy lunch for her but she still constantly fusses about the waste of money when I do but to me I enjoy a really good coffee, cake and Or sandwich so much that it's worth it to me. So AIBU to want to eat out sometimes?

OP posts:
Bubblyb00b · 28/05/2023 17:04

Do people actually think eating a cling film wrapped sandwich while sitting in a car is as nice as having coffee and cake while sitting at a table in a cafe?... gosh, this is so bloody miserable. If you decide you want a picnic, do it properly, so its nice and pleasant! Don't be like people who choose to have "picnics" in a stuffy filthy car park, while sitting in a boot of a car! ))))

OP - you will need to compromise. Maybe buy yourself whatever you fancy and get your friend to sit with you in a cafe while eating her homemade stuff.

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 17:06

Although maybe you could start doing the opposite. So while she moans and groans about how much everything costs, you could do the same. Open the box and sigh ‘six hour old sandwiches. Oh, the crust is stale. Ah, day old squash… lukewarm. Better balance it all on my knee in the front of the car.’

Lol. I have been tempted to do exactly this after she moaned about the cost of a lunch(That I was paying for)

She's good company otherwise.

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 28/05/2023 17:08

If you generally enjoy her company, then it's probably worth having an honest conversation about it and agreeing some boundaries. For example, yoy take a picnic if the cafe where you're going is likely to be rammed, but you will take a fold up chair and eat outside, not in the car. If eating in a cafe, she will promise not to carp on about saving money.

MoirasSaggyBundles · 28/05/2023 17:09

Does your friend always make the picnics? If so, why? And why don’t you make your own using a posh sandwich, cake etc bought from a nice cafe or deli?

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 17:11

Does your friend always make the picnics? If so, why?

Because she insists upon it. I cover other expenses(including lunch in cafes) I think she doesn't trust me to make her food plain but I've told her I'm quite capable of making a plain sandwich and such for her even if I have something different.

OP posts:
lap90 · 28/05/2023 17:13

It's the eating in the car which would irritate me.

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 17:14

It's the eating in the car which would irritate me.

That's the main issue though I refuse to never eat out when with her but a nice view/spot would really improve even a standard packed lunch.

OP posts:
MammaTo · 28/05/2023 17:15

I’m with you OP - a day out isn’t a day out without a little coffee and sweet treat or a Sunday roast at the end of a country walk!

SunnySaturdayMorning · 28/05/2023 17:16

YANBU. I hate picnics. They’re always shit and it’s the cheapskate’s guide to a day out.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2023 17:16

CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 15:44

I have talked to her about it before. I'll do so again. We're going to a new garden centre this week and apparently it has an excellent cafe so I'm going to make it clear that I want to eat there this time and we can have a picnic next time. If she doesn't want to eat in the cafe then perhaps she can wander about or go back to the car while I eat.

I'm happy(ish) to compromise and alternate because that's only fair but I'd be happier if we could eat outside instead of in the car. I'm dyspraxic(and autistic) and have nerve damage so eating in the car can be tricky and messy for me. I'd still rather be eating in the cafe than eating a ham or cheese sandwich. packet of crisps, Penguin biscuit and banana/apple but eating it in a nice spot as opposed to eating in the car would improve it considerably.

"I'm dyspraxic(and autistic) and have nerve damage so eating in the car can be tricky and messy for me."

I think I'd go with 'I am NOT sitting eating in the damned car again!', probably with a 'Do you have to whinge on and on?' chaser. And stick to it.

Honestly, no matter how good her company is otherwise, her behaviour around eating out would be a total dealbreaker for me. I'd rather visit these places alone than have a companion sucking the joy out of it.

StaunchMomma · 28/05/2023 17:18

Can you not just let her eat her picnic in the car and you go in the cafe for tea and cake? She's being unreasonable in expecting you to bend to her ideals, I think.

We're talking about a sandwich, coffee and cake, not a 3 courser. Can she not just eat her sandwiches in the car then come into you for a drink?

I'd be in the cafe, no question at all! She may have a big bear about it but you enjoy it so go ahead, OP!

Original poster
CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 17:19

I think this is the theme park food/packed lunch thread that has been mentioned on this thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3618647-Packed-lunch-is-sad

OP posts:
JADS · 28/05/2023 17:24

My MIL is like this and it is so draining. I just avoid eating with her because it is such a painful experience. If she was a decent cook, I could understand, but her bland, dry picnics are just plain horrible. I actually enjoy a picnic, but eating in the car spoils it unless it is absolutely passing down with rain and you have no choice. Personally I would say, she can eat in the car and you can go to the cafe and meet after.

Parisj · 28/05/2023 17:26

Put the problem to her, we love visiting places together, but we have very different tastes on food. What do you suggest we do to both enjoy the days out

pollykitty · 28/05/2023 17:27

Of course YANBU. I personally struggle with cheapskates too. Life is too short.

averythinline · 28/05/2023 17:28

i hate eating in cars ....and is certainly not a part if a day out.... not an option... am more than happy to picnic as i can wince occasionally at £7for a cup of tea and a scone...but would usually bring a nice picnic... dh hates eating outside (unless we're camping...completely illogical) so eat in cafes more often as im not eating in a car unless i have too...

so in your case its easier picnic/cafe or meet up after lunch? leave at dinner??

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/05/2023 17:41

Kanaloa · 28/05/2023 16:55

😂

If you don’t want to sit in your car on a day out eating sandwiches you made that morning you don’t know how to cater?

I like a picnic but I also like eating out. If your friend continues to be difficult about to I’d just start limiting your days out - for example go to c place in the morning then you leave to go for lunch and go home/have the afternoon to yourself.

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this @Bunbuns3

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RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 28/05/2023 17:41

But what would she spend the money on instead?

ireallycantthinkofaname · 28/05/2023 17:46

Why not alternate so if you eat out one time, the next time have a picnic in the car?

jackstini · 28/05/2023 17:48

Can you compromise by a picnic one time, but make your own so it's not sad food, then eat out alternate times and take turns in choosing where?

Eating out is definitely part of a day out for me. Or I take a really lovely picnic of my favourite things - no soggy sandwiches!

Eating plain stuff inside a car would absolutely put a dampener on the day!

whiteroseredrose · 28/05/2023 17:48

Tricky.

After years of taking DC for days out we are firmly in the mentality of taking a packed lunch. We could afford the entrance fees but the food out would double the cost. However the packed lunches were much more than sandwiches and crisps, and never in the car.

Nowadays DH and I can afford to eat out, and do, but often the food is a bit disappointing and the bill high.

The best bet is to alternate packed lunch (not in the car) and a sandwich in a cafe.

whiteroseredrose · 28/05/2023 17:50

Actually jackstini is right. Make your own lunch on picnic days. Then you can make it tasty.

Equalitea · 28/05/2023 17:50

I’m a bit of both.

Nice food I’m happy to pay for, I wouldn’t think anything of £50 each for a nice afternoon tea but if spending £15 in a crappy museum cafe or coffee shop it really grinds my gears. I’d rather save the money!

If you want to eat somewhere more special could you plan to actually eat somewhere special as part of the day out?

Freefall212 · 28/05/2023 17:51

I am mostly like your friend. I do eat out as a treat - with a friend I haven't seen in awhile or on a special occasion with a regular friend but I do not eat out and pay for fancy lunches every time I go out with friends and family. That adds up a lot and there are far more things I want to put my money on then overpirced consumables.

If you eat out often, it adds up to thousands oer the year. I also don't buy overpriced coffees / teas everyday. Another habit that is a money waster for me.

There are other people for whom thousands on food and drink is where they want to spend their money. They enjoy the experience of eating out and their daily drink and factor that into their budget - the same way I put that money towards a vacation. People have different priorities.

diddl · 28/05/2023 18:00

When I was a kid we didn't eat out at lunch on days out & I have fond memories of picnics in the car.

If you're generally only buying sandwiches at lunch I'd probably just as rather take my own tbh.