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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to eat out when on a trip/outing?

209 replies

CoffeeAndCakesAgain · 28/05/2023 14:12

I sometimes go out with a friend , either day trips or sometimes overnight. We have similar interests so enjoy visiting museums, stately homes, nature reserves, garden centres etc.

As Summer approaches we tend to do more trips together but one issue that arises is that I love to eat out in nice cafes and restaurants and my friend thinks it's a waste of money and always wants to have a picnic instead. She's quite comfortable financially so it isn't an issue of money, she just thinks it's a waste of money.

I'm happy to compromise and have a picnic now and again but I don't want to do it all of the time plus she hates eating outdoors because of the insects so she always wants to eat in the car which does not have the same appeal.

I'm quite happy to buy lunch for her but she still constantly fusses about the waste of money when I do but to me I enjoy a really good coffee, cake and Or sandwich so much that it's worth it to me. So AIBU to want to eat out sometimes?

OP posts:
Livelifeandloveit · 29/05/2023 19:17

I'll come with you, she sound a perfect match for my partner, he's tighter yhan cramp! My view is, if you can afford it, why not go for it, after all you only live once

RampantIvy · 29/05/2023 19:29

I must say it is remarkable the amount of people that are willing to waste good money on an overpriced cafe snack for lunch. If it was an evening meal I would see the point.

How about a cafe that sells nice food where you can sit on a chair at a table instead of sitting in a car bolting down a sandwich?

TeaYarn · 29/05/2023 20:03

Eating out is just part of enjoying the day and the location you are visiting. A cake, coffee and sandwich is hardly the most expensive way to eat out.

Sitting in a car park eating a ‘picnic’ sounds like hell to me.

penni00 · 29/05/2023 21:29

You need to find two more friends, one who is food for fuel, and one who is like yourself. Then the four of you could go out for the day together, but split into the 'food like minded' pairs for the eating times.

CantFindMyMarbles · 29/05/2023 21:31

I’d alternate as that is what is actually fair.
having spare money doesn’t mean people want to waste it on lots of frivolous things.

EmeraldPanda · 29/05/2023 21:39

YANBU

Psiaspops · 29/05/2023 22:08

Fairislefandango · 28/05/2023 14:15

Neither of you is being unreasonable, you just view things differently!

Yep,this right here

Ap42 · 29/05/2023 22:30

This sounds so much like me and my Mum. I'm a single parent and love eating out when we're away, more so I don't have to think about cooking or washing up. We compromise now. Some picnics and some meals out. I'd be happy to have picnics in he sunshine, but not sitting in the car!

TheKobayashiMaru · 29/05/2023 22:46

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 28/05/2023 14:17

Not unreasonable at all. I find food and drink are vital parts of the experience of having a day out, breakaway or holiday.

I agree. I hated having to have stale sandwiches etc brought from home. Miserable.

GwinCoch · 29/05/2023 23:17

Fizbosshoes · 28/05/2023 16:15

I think I would take the approach of having eg a 30 min "refreshment break" where each person eats what/where they choose and then re-convene afterwards.
Eg " I'm a bit peckish and heard the food is nice here (at the new garden centre) . Don't worry if you've already got a picnic, shall we meet back at x" and then agree a time.

There have been lots of times where I've taken a picnic due to budget rather than choice, but I think sometimes it is nice to eat out as part of a day out. And agree, OP, eating in the car (when the weather is fine) is quite unenjoyable.

👆This! Even if you alternate it means that 50% of you are going to be unhappy for part of every trip, which puts a dampener on an otherwise good day. You both already know that you have very different expectations of refreshments, so why not agree to do your own thing for an hour or so?

When I was little my parents regularly split up the group on a day out. When we were very young my sister would get tired from trotting around next to my dad who walks at 100 miles an hour, so I would go off with him to race walk stroll around the gardens and my mum would take my sister off for a ‘look-but-don’t-touch’ session in the gift shop. Everyone was happy. When we were older we would split the group differently, mum and dad would go and do something boring educational like actually read some of the extended object labels and learn some history, whereas me and my sister would go to whichever room had the portraits in it and decide which one of the oil paintings we would have married if we had been alive back in the day. Made our days out a lot more harmonious.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/05/2023 00:18

I can’t even go to the garden centre without stopping for a coffee. Eating a tepid packed lunch in the car? No Way!

FoodFestfFork · 30/05/2023 00:30

I enjoy stopping in a cafe on a day out. Even just for a coffee and a brownie that I haven't had to prepare or think about! You get to people watch in the cafe, have a rest and eat at a table. One tight (not skint) friend would always insist on sharing a pot of tea and would always ask for an extra cup. She'd then halve a cafe sandwich for us. I liked her company but for goodness sake I wanted to have MY OWN food like a proper grown up.

Rottweilermummy · 30/05/2023 06:20

YANBU totally with you on this one OP especially as she only wants a picnic in the car , I would be happy to compromise and take it in turns as I like a picnic but unless pouring with rain not sitting in car maybe you could say this . OK have picnic but not sitting in car, otherwise its cafe! So annoying when people so tight spoils enjoyment , love the experience I get some places are over priced, but not like you do it that often and nice to have treat.

Ponoka7 · 30/05/2023 06:49

Going forward the fair compromise is that every other meet up, you eat in the Café. She doesn't have to eat with you, though. I'm dieting and doing intermittent fasting, but I sit and have drinks when with others, during the day. Every other picnic is outside and you each do your own.

trader21c · 30/05/2023 06:53

I’m with your friend but no way would be eating a picnic in the car! It always seems to be expensive these days - would prefer to use the money on something more substantial - can run to a coffee though 😏

Kokeshi123 · 30/05/2023 06:58

I like picnics but detest eating in cars. Also, making a fuss and going on and on about costs you can afford when you have plenty of money is a really unattractive trait.

Kokeshi123 · 30/05/2023 07:04

I feel like cars are not very clean (most cars I know, at least!). And if a car IS clean, I don't want food smells and crumbs all over it.

I'm highly amused at the mental picture of someone downing a half-bot of champagne in a car!? How do you do that? In a paper cup? Or do you hold a stemmed wineglass awkwardly between your knees while you bolt your sandwich down? Do you drink the whole half-bot yourself, or just decide that the designated driver is going to have to get sozzled as well?

tackling · 30/05/2023 07:41

@CoffeeAndCakesAgain, this is perhaps a bit of a stretch but you mentioned that you're autistic OP - do you think your friend may possibly be on the spectrum too?

I'm ask this because I'm also diagnosed. A lot of my friends are either autistic or show a lot of traits and could possibly be diagnosable (I don't say this to them, just in case anyone worries about me being rude, it's just an observation). I think that sort of ND vibe helps us understand each other.

In my case, I hate cafes and restaurants, and before I was diagnosed I wouldn't have easily been able to say why. These days I know that the sensory overload of smells and noise and the unpredictable nature of the food being served makes it too stressful for me. I too prefer a predictable sandwich in a safe quiet car if possible.

This might be totally irrelevant for you and your friend of course, but I just wonder if there might be other similar reasons she doesn't like them, even if she doesn't say that out loud?

Tessabelle74 · 30/05/2023 08:46

Leave her in the car whilst you head to the cafe, meet up again afterwards for the afternoon. Simple really

shivawn · 30/05/2023 08:55

A "picnic" in the car every time you go out sounds like a miserable experience. I like to look forward to my lunch, especially when on a day out. YANBU.

CruCru · 30/05/2023 10:06

Cars are pretty filthy usually. There was some study that showed that steering wheels, in particular, are absolutely rank (a bit like phones).

There probably are people who give the inside of their car a really good clean quite often … but I don’t know many.

midgemadgemodge · 30/05/2023 10:13

I love picnics - a simple butty and apple and water

I don't usually enjoy a cafe - and I resent paying more for something less good

But sitting in the car ?!?
That's not a picnic
That's just grim

tackling · 30/05/2023 10:48

"Grim" 😁

I love eating in the car. Nice comfy seats, can sit in shade, listen to music, keep the doors open for air or closed for warmth or against insects or noise.

Obviously be careful about crumbs and hygiene but that's not difficult if you're grown ups.

Swallow food, get on with day out 🤷‍♀️

Lcb123 · 30/05/2023 10:49

Eating in the car is grim. Apart from that, neither of you are being unreasonable. You need to find a compromise.

pollymere · 30/05/2023 10:56

I love going out for coffees or lunches. However recently I have been horrified by two things. One: The amount places want to charge me for a coffee, cake or sandwich and, Two; The lack of basic cakes or sandwiches available. I don't seem to be able to get a simple sandwich. It seems I can get ciabatta or focaccia with a high fat filling but not ham on wholegrain... Don't get me started on places that want £3 for a can of diet coke because it's the only diet drink they have...

I'm supposed to be on a low fat diet for valid health reasons and eating high fat actually makes me ill so being faced with expensive food that will make me feel dreadful and possibly cause damage just isn't appealing anymore. Perhaps your friend is faced with a similar dilemma in that she doesn't want to spend over £10 on something she won't enjoy eating anyway. I've found Stately Homes and Garden Centres are particularly bad for this. Perhaps find a cafe elsewhere to continue enjoying the day instead?