AIBU to want to eat out when on a trip/outing?

[CoffeeAndCakesAgain]

I sometimes go out with a friend , either day trips or sometimes overnight. We have similar interests so enjoy visiting museums, stately homes, nature reserves, garden centres etc.

As Summer approaches we tend to do more trips together but one issue that arises is that I love to eat out in nice cafes and restaurants and my friend thinks it's a waste of money and always wants to have a picnic instead. She's quite comfortable financially so it isn't an issue of money, she just thinks it's a waste of money.

I'm happy to compromise and have a picnic now and again but I don't want to do it all of the time plus she hates eating outdoors because of the insects so she always wants to eat in the car which does not have the same appeal.

I'm quite happy to buy lunch for her but she still constantly fusses about the waste of money when I do but to me I enjoy a really good coffee, cake and Or sandwich so much that it's worth it to me. So AIBU to want to eat out sometimes?

No-one's unreasonable here.

I have friends who as soon as we've decided where to go, they're immediately looking up the nearest coffee shops/cafes/restaurants and planning food.

The food thing is just as important to them as the museum/attraction really and that's fine.

I just let them get on with it but if I were going on my own, a pit-stop for a cup of tea and a sandwich is all I need.

If you can’t reach a compromise then go to your museum and then go your separate ways - you can go to a cafe and she can eat in the car. Everyone happy!

There was a thread about this a while ago but about eating at theme parks- the competitive mumsnet picnic posts were hilarious- ‘to die for’ baguettes etc 🤣
I’m with you, op. Having a nice lunch is part of a day out to me.

I think if you want to keep the friendship you’ll have to compromise and alternate - and it’s fair that she does this too, without moaning, if she genuinely isn’t short of money. But I’m totally with you - for me food out is a huge part of the fun of a day out!

Is the food you're buying out actually nice though?

Too many places serve poor quality food that you have to queue for ages to get and I wouldn't want to eat that at any price even though I can easily afford it. Its usually also fridge cold, which I hate.

I'm quite surprised how many people are seemingly willing to pay a lot of money for nasty factory food rather than bring something much nicer from home.

Eating out isn't a priority for her. I'm the same as your friend TBH. I would rather spend my money on something else, even though I could afford to eat in a cafe. I don't get much enjoyment from food, it's just fuel to me.

I do think it's partly this as we can't go past a crystal or craft store without her stopping and usually buying something so she's not completely averse to spending money, just not on food but the places we visit tend to have really nice cafes and I'd much rather go to one than have a car picnic.

Smoked salmon and champagne doesn't cost next to nothing!

Is the food you're buying out actually nice though?

Yes they're usually lovely. Very nice cakes and sandwiches. She's insistent on being the one to make picnics but they're usually very standard packed lunch food, nothing special though even if they were I think eating them in the car spoils it.

It sounds like she makes the experience miserable whether it is a picnic or a lunch out. So I'm not sure how you solve this without avoiding being out over meal time. I am not a picnic fan. It is the sitting uncomfortably and passing things back and forth that gets on my nerves and trying to balance food/drinks with no where to put anything properly. So a picnic packed individually like in a school lunch box , sitting on a proper bench with a table helps me put up with it. Plus somewhere to perhaps buy a decent cup of tea. Is there a compromise if you can narrow down the bit that makes a picnic too much like hard work.

I'm a bit like your friend - I always think the cafes at tourist locations tend to offer poor food at a very inflated price. I prefer to bring something I will actually enjoy and eat outside.

Eating in the car though...no way.

Oh gosh I think I’m like this. I just think eating out is a giant waste of money but I do realise most people don’t see it this way so I hide it! Honestly, I’m just not a foodie but even if I were, I don’t think the food at most theme parks/national trust properties is anything to rave about. I do think I can eat much better if I pack a picnic and save a lot of money too. I realise people enjoy the experience (although I don’t especially - I find these cafes cramped, noisy and often dirty) so I go along with it for harmony. DH always wants to eat out. It’s a battle at times!

The champagne and salmon sounds more expensive than a nice sandwich in a cafe and would be entirely ruined by sitting in a car

Who want's to lug cool bags about on a day out? Or have to traipse back to the car park to fetch your egg sarnies.

I'd rather eat at a genuinely nice café than take a picnic, but I'd rather take a picnic than eat in a boring chain café or a standard fast-food place.

Not at all unreasonable! I don't go on ANY dates unless they involve me being fed 😂

I think it depends on the circumstances- I like nice food and drink as a treat but I resent spending money on poor quality overpriced food on some days out, or queuing for 30 min at a NT cafe.

YANBU
Whenever I meet up with my local friend, coffee and cake are part of our socialising.
I'm disabled so it also gives me a rest

She sounds like far too much work. Who wants to eat bloody sandwiches in a car in a nice trip out? Not me, anyway.

My parents are like this & will share a cup of tea while out. They’re horrified if I spend money on anything from a cafe or farmers market / food trucks. Dad will find whichever one is doing the cheapest meal, even if it’s something he doesn’t actually like…

Can't you offer to do the picnic? So you can have some nicer food?

Or at least bring a blanket / hamper etc and say to her "it's nice weather, let's eat outside today" (I know you said she objects to bugs!!)

It sounds really irritating to be honest.

Do you have any other friends you could come along? Majority rules when it comes to picking where to have lunch.

Maybe agree to alternate picnics with cafes. The hard part is finding a tactful way to say let’s not complain about the food while we’re eating it! I think it’s rude.

This made me chuckle. Do you have the link?

The only thing more joyless than a home-made picnic is a home-made picnic in the car.

Champagne and smoked salmon for ‘next to nothing’ has made me lol

I love a picnic, but eating a sandwich in the car is not a picnic imo. It's what I used to do when I worked out in the community and never had time to go to a cafe!

I'm with you, OP, a nice lunch somewhere is part and parcel of a day out, imo, although a good picnic in a nice garden can be lovely, too. Lots of National Trust places have picnic areas with tables to sit at.

I don't tend to eat in their cafes, though, as I think they're expensive for what you get. But then eating out anywhere seems to be very expensive these days. I took my SDIL and her daughter out for a pub lunch last weekend, and for 2 adult meals and a child's meal, plus a drink each, came to over £60. And we didn't even have pudding - just a roast. They charged £4 for a half-pint of lime and soda for DGD, the robbing bastards!