AIBU to want to eat out when on a trip/outing?

[CoffeeAndCakesAgain]

I sometimes go out with a friend , either day trips or sometimes overnight. We have similar interests so enjoy visiting museums, stately homes, nature reserves, garden centres etc.

As Summer approaches we tend to do more trips together but one issue that arises is that I love to eat out in nice cafes and restaurants and my friend thinks it's a waste of money and always wants to have a picnic instead. She's quite comfortable financially so it isn't an issue of money, she just thinks it's a waste of money.

I'm happy to compromise and have a picnic now and again but I don't want to do it all of the time plus she hates eating outdoors because of the insects so she always wants to eat in the car which does not have the same appeal.

I'm quite happy to buy lunch for her but she still constantly fusses about the waste of money when I do but to me I enjoy a really good coffee, cake and Or sandwich so much that it's worth it to me. So AIBU to want to eat out sometimes?

My mum is like this, it comes from a place when she was skint, but she is exhausting we can't even go for a coffee without a "how much, " she is very stingy.

How joyless. Is there nothing you eat that you particularly enjoy? Do you have a difficult relationship with food?

I'm with you @CoffeeAndCakesAgain part of the enjoyment a day out is enjoying a meal out. I hate making sandwiches and find it a chore.

I don't mind the odd picnic, but bolting down some sandwiches in a car every time I go out sounds rather dull. And if I was going away on a trip that involved an overnight stay I would want to eat out in the evening.

I have an acquaintance whose attitude to food is different to mine. She's in the "food as fuel" camp but I'd like to eat something nice. I love to cook, she sees it as a chore. Steamed fish and veg is not my idea of an appealing meal but it's what she'd pick because it's "healthy". She's also constantly judging other people's meal choices and for someone who doesn't like food she spends an awful lot of time discussing it. We went away for a few days and it was spoilt for me by her control of food, the second time away went better because I did what I wanted and let her do what she want. Good company otherwise, just irritating at mealtimes.

Your wishes are not less important than hers, you don't have to fall in with what she wants to do on every occasion. "Right, lunchtime, I'll see you back here at 2pm then". It's ok to want different things and she can have her safe lunch in the car while you live a little. For the occasional future picnic, make your own because then you can have something more interesting that you actually enjoy.

Would you be ok eating on your own ?
If so then maybe this is the solution.
She clearly prefers her packed lunch and you the cafe ( my votes with you FWIW). Why don't you each just separate for half an hour and eat the meal that brings you the most pleasure?

I much prefer a picnic to eating in cafes as usually the food in cafes in a bit of a disappointment. But I wouldn’t want to eat in the car. Just tell her you want to alternate (you might have done this already as I haven’t RTFT - cancel the cheque too)

Well no one is being unreasonable but I am very much in your camp.

Can you have a word to ban moaning and then do 50/50 picnic cafe. Split making the picnics 50/50 that way you only have to suffer her crap food 25% of the time.

I would absolutely refuse to eat in the car though. You aren’t travelling salesmen. Bring a couple of jars of sugar water to entertain the wasps.

I also think you might need some new friends.

@RampantIvy no, I don't think I have a problem with food. I have a healthy BMI and I cook and eat with my family. I just don't get the pleasure from it that some other people do. I get immense pleasure from painting, designing jewellery and studying art history. I get little pleasure from food. I'd rather spend my money on art or books or diamonds and eat a cheese sandwich. I'm ok with that.

I must say it is remarkable the amount of people that are willing to waste good money on an overpriced cafe snack for lunch. If it was an evening meal I would see the point.

Where are all these amazing cafes? Genuinely, because even paying extra at a high end one, is mostly money down the drain, and poor quality.
Also what's with this car rubbish? We are lucky to live in a country that is packed with wall to wall benches and scenic areas. No need to sit in a car unless it is pouring down.

I must say it is remarkable the amount of people that are willing to waste good money.

It's not wasted money if it's what you want to do. People are paying for convenience and the time and effort saved, not just the quality of the food. Not everybody wants to sit on a bench. And the weather is pretty unreliable in the UK! Also, imo there are plenty of lovely cafés with great food which isn't 'money down the drain'!

I think you should alternate, but tell her you don't want to hear complaints about the cost of eating out. I would be happy to do either, and tbh I eat at cafes quite regularly and sometimes find the food is better in my imagination than in reality, and I quite like a nice picnic, and eating in the car wouldn't bother me either. I can't remember when I last had a picnic meal so it would be a welcome novelty.

Sounds like my Dad - he would never agree to us having even a cup of tea in a café when we were out. "We've got a perfectly good kettle at home; why would we pay for someone else to make tea?"

When it came to the 11+ he said we would all go out for a meal if I passed. Come the day he took us to lunch in his works canteen - oh joy!

Eating out weekly is pretty expensive. I can understand her not wanting to do it so often tbh. At our local places it could easily be £20 for coffee and cake for 2

Quite. I wouldn't waste my money on buying diamonds for example.

YANBU. If there ain’t food involved I ain’t going 😆 luckily me & my bestie live by the same mantra.

Agree, going on holiday just to cook every day isn't a holiday. And going out and eating wherever is part of enjoying the day. The only place I would be likely to take a picnic is the park. Your friend sounds highly irritating with constantly mentioning it. Tell her to eat at home and meet you after, she can sit and sip water while you eat.

Then you probably are not going to very nice places. You've never found anything better than something you have made at home? Come on.

Then you probably are not going to very nice places. You've never found anything better than something you have made at home? Come on.

Which museum or stately home would you particularly recommend for eating in? I live in London and have been to plenty of "nice places" thank you, but the cafes are rarely any good.

I would take a picnic if I knew the food wasn't going to be up to much or that the queues would be too long. TBH I don't really eat much at lunch anyway so would be fine with a sandwich, but if I was away for the night I would want to savour a meal out with a bottle of wine.

Plus if you're eating it in a car at least one of you won't be able to drink the champagne anyway.

YANBU but in my experience people like that will only ruin meals out anyway. So best to try and avoid mealtimes out with her. Go and do your activity and then go and enjoy a nice lunch somewhere on your own. Much better than listening to someone criticise every detail of a meal out.

Is your friend otherwise fun to be with or is she always a joy-sucking hole in the air?

Whose car is it? I’d be really annoyed if someone insisted in eating in my car. It would probably be cleaner to eat in the toilets.

Maybe she doesn't like eating in public?

But this lady just wants to eat in the car. That's really unfair, she can't call it a picnic.

I must say it is remarkable the amount of people that are willing to waste good money on an overpriced cafe snack for lunch. If it was an evening meal I would see the point.

I guess everyone's different , I'm amazed at people who would never buy food out when they could afford to. For a long time eating out when we went out for the day with small children stretched the budget too far so we always took picnics (Admittedly some food in places like activity farms or theme parks is pretty awful - and I did kick myself for buying food at the tower of London as that was very mediocre and overpriced)
However now it can be nice not to have to think about food in advance or wonder how to keep a picnic cool if its a warm day, and enjoy food out. What difference does it matter what time of day it is? If I found a cafe selling nice food and had a substantial lunch I'd count that as a win as I might not have to cook a meal in the evening.