To want a flashy car to fit in?

[Lustingovercar]

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

But do you really want to be friends with the type of person who judges you for the car you drive? I know I wouldn't...

Really? I can’t relate to this. Good on you for being honest but you’re being a dick. Do you really want to fit in and be friends with people who will only ‘like’ you if you have a big car? Are adults really like that? And if they are there the last people I’d like to be friends with!!

This is a very good point ☝️

Why would you want or need to be friends with people who judge you on your car?!

You live in area.where cars do matter? WTAF?

Cars and lunch and swishy hair don't matter. They really, really, really don't. 😊

I'm so glad I live where I do. Everyone has a car full of sand round here. And scratches from narrow lanes.

Well you don’t have a car that suits your needs so YANBU to change it.

But basing your choice on fitting in with others? Nah, that’s a fool’s game. Those hungers are never sated once you start feeding them.

There are plenty of options that would give you better space and flexibility between your current car and a Discovery.

It sounds like you live in hell. Good luck I guess.

Hmm, good points. I think there are two things that possibly need separating out:

1. My current car doesn’t really seem to fit our needs, which is why I’m thinking about changing it. But I could happily just get an estate, or slightly bigger car.
2. I’m wondering whether changing my car will affect how people perceive me (there’s just such a lot of it round here)

Sometimes (again total honesty here) I love the fact that I turn up in the smallest, most humble car at school pick up. However, simultaneously I do think that others judge me and that I’m not one of their ‘tribe’. I did not fit in as a kid at all, so I’d love to actually have a decent friendship group as an adult and the school gate seems like a good place to maybe start.

Drove the car that suits your needs.

This sounds like bliss. Honestly.

I lived in an area like that so I get what you mean. The school mums would carefully 'not notice you' so they weren't rudely blanking you, until they checked your car... Then they were either super friendly and trying to get their child to be friends with yours, or outright blank you from that point. 🙄
They were a bit stumped by me for a while as I walked to school.

I couldn't wait to get away people who couldn't see the interest of anyone beyond material possessions. I have all sorts of people in my friendship circles from landed gentry, to senior corporates to the school cleaner... The single common factor they all have is they are interesting in the world, curious about the people in it and see value in people at all levels.

Not very helpful to you op if you're caught in that bubble and want to join the crowd, but there are people out there who share your values and won't need you to be 'right'

I live in an area with lots of swishy cars too. Does it matter? I have no idea, I’ve never asked anyone. Fact is it will not matter to everyone. Not everyone is the same regardless of where you are.

Why don’t you focus on being yourself and doing what makes you happiest? Spending time worrying about what other people think is, to quote Baz Lurhman, as useful as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum.

Honestly I bloody love my fancy cars, but I pay zero attention to what anyone else is driving and I think most people are the same! Unless someone rocks up in a super car, I pay no attention to anything between a micra and a RR.

If your current car doesn't work for you (range, dogs, children etc) then definitely change it for that reason!

Changing it to see if people see you differently? Bit odd to me tbh. And getting into that game, will you need a newer one next year? Will an older model date you? What if you get the wrong type etc etc. Just get what works for you!

I'd say the average age of car in my road is around 7 years. There's a guy who is on six figures but has a dirty, scratched 15 year old Audi. I like that no one cares, it makes me more comfortable with my own wheels 😁

I think before you spend an obscene amount of money on a heap of metal with 4 wheels, you need to work on your self-esteem. Really. Your insecurities are getting in the way of rational thought.

Are you in Essex by any chance?

Don’t get a LR anything if you want to hang onto it- they’re the most stolen car by a country mile. Also they’re just not that good. I have a Discovery and honestly the Tiguan I had before was better. But beyond that get what you want and what suits your needs. If that’s a luxury SUV then fine!

Op, from your most recent posts in all honesty I think if you go down that road you'll shoot your mental health to pieces because you'll never be on their wavelength, will never feel good enough for them and will tie yourself in knots trying to run with the herd when your heart isn't in it.

This culture was one (of many- but not insignificant) of the reasons why I moved area... Now like a pp I'm in a place where no one cares and cars are not a status signifier to most, the thing most people care about is if you can reverse the thing if you meet them on as single lane and the passing place is nearest to you.

I didn't want my kids growing up in the fetid keep up with the Joneses atmosphere, it seeps into every area of life.

@PimpMyFridge I think you understand what I mean as it sounds like you’ve experienced a similar situation!

Is this really all you have to worry about?

DH takes our second car, a 20yo gold rover estate, to work at a large expensive private school. Parks in the car park next to all sorts of posh expensive cars 🤣 our other car is nicer, a 12yo audi a6, but still nothing much compared to most at his work. but they suit our needs and budget so that's that!

How do you know that they care about the cars that other people drive? They may have nice cars but it might be totally irrelevant to them what car you drive and they may like you for who you are. Have you tried to talk to them?

Alternatively, if they do care, then they really aren’t the right friends to have and you’ll always wonder if you’re good enough for them and what they think of your house, your clothes, your make up, your child etc.
Perhaps try to join a club/hobby and chat to people there to try and gain a friendship.

Actually we’re not in Essex! I think the area I live in is possibly worse than Essex; there’s no public transport at all in our vicinity so everyone has to drive and I think there’s more emphasis on what car you drive, if you see what I mean.