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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a flashy car to fit in?

315 replies

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

OP posts:
User1529865 · 27/05/2023 22:37

Maybe change your car for a better, bigger EV so it is better for you for your needs and will cost more than the cars the other mums drive

User1529865 · 27/05/2023 22:39

Actually, is this real.

Helpmeimtired · 27/05/2023 22:42

Ergh, cringe..

TheRainMustFall · 27/05/2023 22:43

I know I’m the umpteenth person to make this unoriginal comment, but honestly, there is just something very sad about feeling the need to impress the kind of people who would actually decide whether someone is worthy based on a car. That sort of person is to be pitied, not courted as a friend. People come in the usual varieties whatever area you live in, so I’m absolutely sure there are better people to meet. They may or may not drive Range Rovers.

I don’t much like the old banger snobbery either - nice cars are, well, nice. I’d prefer to drive in a solid, comfortable car with an attractive interior over something cheap and cheerful or an ancient car without all the modern gadgets given the choice. If you genuinely like them, can afford them and think they’re worth it, then get one by all means. But just to win the approval of shallow and dull people? No way.

GraysPapaya · 27/05/2023 22:46

Op don’t do it.
Who cares what car you drive? Waste of money. If you can afford it, put that money to use in property or investments
I know some very well off people who drive old Volvos/land rovers…
It tends to be the people that can just about afford it that get new flashy cars!

vitahelp · 27/05/2023 22:47

You sound lovely and down to earth. Don’t change.

Santasjingleballs · 27/05/2023 22:47

Get a life. I doubt anyone cares about what car you drive. & all that glitters isn’t gold….

User1529865 · 27/05/2023 22:47

If you work you won't be able to easily lunch anyway whatever car you have.

HereIfYouNeedMe · 27/05/2023 22:49

PimpMyFridge · 27/05/2023 20:53

I lived in an area like that so I get what you mean. The school mums would carefully 'not notice you' so they weren't rudely blanking you, until they checked your car... Then they were either super friendly and trying to get their child to be friends with yours, or outright blank you from that point. 🙄
They were a bit stumped by me for a while as I walked to school.

I couldn't wait to get away people who couldn't see the interest of anyone beyond material possessions. I have all sorts of people in my friendship circles from landed gentry, to senior corporates to the school cleaner... The single common factor they all have is they are interesting in the world, curious about the people in it and see value in people at all levels.

Not very helpful to you op if you're caught in that bubble and want to join the crowd, but there are people out there who share your values and won't need you to be 'right'

I'm glad you have this perspective 😊

Sigmama · 27/05/2023 22:50

I hate large suv type cars, please don't aspire to be one of those people

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 27/05/2023 22:50

I appreciate the lonely thing but you are trying to fit in with the wrong crowd.

What interests you? Find groups that do things you like, that’s where to find friends. Don’t change yourself, you’ll never make true friends that way.

Thebigblueballoon · 27/05/2023 22:56

Flashy cars are utterly cringeworthy, and they are the last thing you should pay attention to. Half the time they can barely even afford them.

HereIfYouNeedMe · 27/05/2023 22:58

Floralnomad · 27/05/2023 21:25

A car won’t make you ‘fit in ‘ , honestly ( seeing as you like the word ) , you sound about 13 , not an adult with children .

Why be mean.

Inkypot · 27/05/2023 22:58

Sigmama · 27/05/2023 22:50

I hate large suv type cars, please don't aspire to be one of those people

Same. I drive a Mini and love having something more fun and easier to park than the big suv things. They just seem like they'd be a pain in car parks etc 😄

KnittedCardi · 27/05/2023 23:00

Rise above it OP and buy a Mini. The really cool people drive Minis, they are stylish, fast, compact, economical, and you don't look like a try too hard twat driving one.

Spectre8 · 27/05/2023 23:00

More fool you! And the othe rephrase a fool and his money are easily parted also comes to mind here.

Danishlydaning · 27/05/2023 23:07

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 21:39

You are so right.

I’ve always been the type of person who has tried to feel strong about my choices (no cars on finance, save for things carefully) and to treasure and appreciate what I’ve got such as family, health and love. I’m having a wobble because I’m in a slightly low place and feel like I don’t fit in. I understand that this absolutely pales into insignificance compared to what you must be going through.

Tomorrow, I’m going to drive my small fully owned car and hold my head high, feel confident to make new friends, and think of others who are going through much harder things than me. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Sending love.

Show quote history

You sound like a lovely person OP, I know posters are a bit rude sometimes but it’s easy to get caught up in things when it’s all you see around you and the self reflection you’re doing now is positive. I’d agree with others who say do what makes YOU happy, and focus on the kind of friends you’d like to make not just that you feel lonely (which feels awful, i get it).

Densol57 · 27/05/2023 23:08

Oh and completely discount any of these women who never bought their own car and was bought by their husband ! 🤮

Sarahtm35 · 27/05/2023 23:15

Honestly I stopped trying to fit in when I left school. How old are you?
my husband drives a LR Discovery (for work..it’s sh*t) and I drive a Vauxhall Astra that I got off eBay for £500. I don’t have to worry about it getting muddy with the dogs and it gets me Places that’s all I care about as an adult and anyone who judges me can F right off.
more important less superficial things to worry about like the content of your character cause nobody is going to remember the car you drove when you die.

NosyHamster · 27/05/2023 23:17

I have always loved cars and currently drive something that would probably fit with the OP’s swishy set. But I’m not sure that anyone has ever judged me (either negatively or positively) due to my car, and I don’t think buying it has necessarily opened up any additional social opportunities, so maybe people are not as shallow as has been suggested?

HereIfYouNeedMe · 27/05/2023 23:24

@Danishlydaning exactly x

MsMoody · 27/05/2023 23:26

An electric car is the most humble car in your area?! Blimey. In my area any electric car is still a bit of a novelty and out of the budget of most.

You know you are being ridiculous OP.

TheRainMustFall · 27/05/2023 23:27

NosyHamster · 27/05/2023 23:17

I have always loved cars and currently drive something that would probably fit with the OP’s swishy set. But I’m not sure that anyone has ever judged me (either negatively or positively) due to my car, and I don’t think buying it has necessarily opened up any additional social opportunities, so maybe people are not as shallow as has been suggested?

I agree with this. Add in the fact that many of these cars - especially the EVs - are actually company cars and I don’t think it’s as easy to draw conclusions about why people are driving ‘flashy’ SUVs as suggested on here.

That said, I’m sure there are cliques of people who think as the op describes.

NosyHamster · 27/05/2023 23:29

All the high earning scaffolders from luton have LR discoveries. Good on them if that's what they like, it doesn't mean cars matter or are judged or noticed by anyone else.

@ContinuousProcrastination but if their cars aren’t noticed, how is it you noticed that scaffolders from Luton drive LR discoveries?!

AngryPurpleSleepingBag · 27/05/2023 23:32

never knew you could be a high earning scaffolder 😂