To want a flashy car to fit in?

[Lustingovercar]

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

All cars do the same thing. They get you from A to B

I honestly wouldn’t do it to fit in because it won’t work. People like that can sniff out try hards and fakers. Don’t spend your money on that, just buy something that suits you.

Ok @GoatGel what do you worry about then?

A new car will not help you make new friends.

They do a LOT more than that, but never buy a car based on what other people think of you. I have some pretty cool cars (to petrolheads) but I have them because I love them.

I don’t think I could tell you what car many/ most of my friends drive. I couldn’t imagine judging someone based on this either… although cars and status are not important to me and I couldn’t afford anything flash so functionality is my main priority

So do you want to fit in with other Mums, or simply be yourself?

A car won't help you make friends. People may talk to you more, because they're shallow and think that means you're in the same 'social class' as they are (which may or may not be true) but it won't make a difference beyond that. I highly doubt these interactions will turn into genuine friendships.

I'm being honest here now, and I don't mean it horribly, but there needs to be a point in which you grow up and accept yourself for who you are.

Rather than keep up with the Jones' (who actually sound like twats if you're perceiving them correctly) it sounds like you'd be better off either ignoring them and carrying on with your life as normal, or moving to a less snobby and materialist area.

Material items don't make you. Nor do they buy you genuine friendships.

Nowadays everyone and their dog has a fancy car because PCP makes it accessible. It means jack all in terms of actual wealth. Also, in my experience, the swishy hair/fancy car types are rarely the truly wealthy anyway... Find the oldest, most banged up car on the run and you'll find the money!

I live in a very rural area and thus small school so know what most of the parents do etc. I am quite confident that my income alone is more than most of their household incomes but for years I was doing the school run in an ancient Volvo worth a couple of grand. (This is separate to my above analogy because I am definitely not wealthy.)

It worked, it was practical and I couldn't give a flying hoop about status symbols or demonstrating my income.

We just bought a new (to us) car (because the Volvo finally died). We briefly considered an XC90 and a Discovery but it would have been far less practical (too many small kids) than the Ford we ended up buying.

Buy what's practical and spend the rest of the money doing something fabulous and memorable or setting up a financially free future. And bollacks to anyone who looks down on you because of the car you drive cos they aren't worth knowing anyway.

It's a slippery slope. First you buy the "right kind" of car to fit in, then maybe the kids really should go to a more exclusive school (wouldn't want them to feel left out!), and really, shouldn't we upgrade the house; all out friends have larger homes...

Been there, done that (as embarrassing as that is to admit). Don't recommend it.

Truthfully, I want to be myself, but I’m also lonely.

I need more social interaction. From what I’ve seen, it’s the swishy mum group who drive Land Rover Discovery’s and Q7s and large SUVs who all get invited for coffee and do play dates. It’s just how things are done here.

@bibbityboppityboo I like your approach. Liking having a nice car for yourself not to impress other people.

Honestly, I think you need to move!

Would you really want to go for coffee and playdates with them though? Seriously? They sound like shallow materialistic nobs. Find some nice people who will help you feel good about yourself, and about life in general. Even if you have the car there’ll soon be something else you’ll want to aspire to have just so you can be like them. Opt out.

YABU. Not because you want a nice car, but because you want one for the wrong reasons.
I drive a BMW 4 Series convertible, with a 3 litre six cylinder twin-turbo engine. It is a fantastic car, and very quick. My previous car was an equally good Mercedes Benz convertible. I own these cars for me, because I enjoy driving them and I appreciate the performance, handling, refinement etc. I don’t buy them to impress others. In fact, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks because most people have never driven comparable cars so their opinions are of zero consequence.

Proper premium cars (as opposed to runabouts with premium badges stuck on) are not like designer handbags. They are more than just pointless status symbols, they are machines to be driven, enjoyed and appreciated.

This is nonsense. The wealthiest people I know (talking several houses, holiday homes abroad, private schools, etc etc) all have a variety of cars - from the flashiest ones you can imagine to banged up very old ones because they don’t give a f about cars. I have a brand new “flashy” car but it’s a motability car 🤔😆- I am on the highest rates of PIP / disability benefit long term but I don’t tell anyone that and my disability isn’t visible. I wonder what people think of me - I have about 20p in my bank account 😳😆. If the people you’re surrounded by judge others on their cars then you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people.

You don't need to buy a Discovery to fit in, OP.

But they are bloody MARVELLOUS cars.

I'm in my 50s. Over last 20 years (literally) had a Disco 2 and 3, and just recently switched our Disco 3 to a 4 after it had done nearly 200,000 miles.

If you're after a car to fit several kids and a Labrador in it, go for it. You won't regret it.

You can choose your friends independently..

I dont think a car is going to change that honestly OP I mean if you want a flashy car by all means get it if that's what you want, for heavens sake don't do it because of other people you will be attracting the wrong type of people shallow insecure materialistic ones. True friendships cannot be bought why are people so obsessed with what someone drives? its the person that matters.

Buying a car is not an investment at all.
I don’t think I’ll ever have the personality that involves buying a car to fit in 🤷🏼‍♀️

My kid goes to a private school in Belgravia and I have no, absolutely none, desire to 'fit in'. Because I might as well say our next holiday is to the moon. My daughter doesn't give two hoots either.
I certainly would not buy a car to fit in. Instead, buy a sensible car with better range - I thought most EVs could go for 300 miles now.

Would joining a hobby group be a way to increase your social interactions, rather than the swishy brigade? Book group? Running club? Yoga? Walking group? Knitting, crocheting or sewing circle? Am-dram?

Hah, the staff car park at my place (academic independent school) is filled with everything from bangers to flashy cars and it's never a topic of conversation until one of us scratches/dings another (which happens a lot, we're cramming a quart into a pint pot). The sixth formers and parents all drive nicer things than the average teacher!

We now drive an estate as DS's sport involves transporting vast amounts of equipment around the country. For a while it was all strapped (precariously) to the roof of an old hatchback, but the engine in that died after around 20 years.

This sounds like DDs school. The school car park is rammed with 4x4s. At least 3/4 of the cars are 4x4s, and of those, half are black land/range rovers. They are so common, its ridiculous. I am proud of my small saloon, which I can park quite easily. I don’t like being a sheep to ‘fit in’. Also like that I own my car outright and haven’t got a massive monthly bill for a ridiculously large car that i will never own outright!

Don’t be a sheep OP!

I knew a very successful musician OP (sadly no longer with us) he had an 18 year old Volvo- and he earned over half a million a year. It's a mind set thing.

A car won’t make you ‘fit in ‘ , honestly ( seeing as you like the word ) , you sound about 13 , not an adult with children .