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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a flashy car to fit in?

315 replies

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

OP posts:
Seaweasel · 27/05/2023 21:26

Do you think it might be your own loneliness and insecurity making you feel that they are looking down on you because of your car? You seem to think that you are better than them because you'd be getting the car 'just to fit in' whereas they are shallow and think cars matter as status symbols. You seem to have decided that you don't like them very much but need to have some friends. You might not be coming across as friendly and open because of this. Happy to be completely wrong but it's an impression I get from your OP.

snoozingbaby1476 · 27/05/2023 21:27

My car is basically held together by whatever debris & snacks the kids have left in there. I could never justify an expensive car just to fit in. What a crazy would.

EvilElsa · 27/05/2023 21:28

Honestly, it won't make you fit in better. Flash cars mean nothing these days...I know people with barely enough to get through the month driving financed brand new cars. My 19 year old niece has a boyfriend of the same age on an apprentice wage and he drives a brand new Audi. On the other side of the coin, I'm friends with a multi millionaire couple who drive a 15 year old corsa they got for the au-pair because they like it. Being (or looking) wealthy doesn't mean you are better than anyone else and cars certainly are no indication of social status or any of that bollocks. Anyone who likes you better because of a vehicle you drive really isn't worth being friends with. By all means if that's what you want, buy a new car, but don't be under any illusions it will have any other effect than to your bank balance. You won't even be impressed by it after six months when the excitement has worn off and someone's dinged the door in Waitrose.

Grapewrath · 27/05/2023 21:28

Tbh if you have an inferiority complex then you can have the biggest, ugliest car and swishiest hair and you still won’t feel like you fit in.
If you feel comfortable in your own skin then you won’t give a shit what car you drive. You need to work on yourself.

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:28

Ok @GoatGel what do you worry about then?

My daughter died last month. That's what I have to worry about.

Nevermind31 · 27/05/2023 21:30

I Wonder if you would really fit in, or that you think you would fit in?
do you have time to make your hair swishy, and go for lunch? Would you want to be part of that set?

Original poster
Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 21:30

Floralnomad · 27/05/2023 21:25

A car won’t make you ‘fit in ‘ , honestly ( seeing as you like the word ) , you sound about 13 , not an adult with children .

What an unpleasant and unnecessary comment. Maybe I don’t sound mature enough for you, but I can assure you that I’m actually really kind and genuine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 21:31

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:28

Ok @GoatGel what do you worry about then?

My daughter died last month. That's what I have to worry about.

I’m really sorry for your loss.

OP posts:
Sandylanes69 · 27/05/2023 21:32

If you can afford to buy your way into the approval of shallow snobs, by all means do so 🤷‍♀️.

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:32

Maybe you can use that to put your own problems into perspective? I'm not saying this I'm a horrible way.

But what I would give to swap places!

EvilElsa · 27/05/2023 21:33

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:28

Ok @GoatGel what do you worry about then?

My daughter died last month. That's what I have to worry about.

I'm so sorry to read this. Everything pales into insignificance compared to such a loss. Much love to you ❤️

Inkypot · 27/05/2023 21:35

WomanFromTheNorth · 27/05/2023 20:45

But do you really want to be friends with the type of person who judges you for the car you drive? I know I wouldn't...

Perfect answer right here 🤍

Pigstrotter · 27/05/2023 21:36

They’ll never like you no matter what as they’re too busy trying to outdo & bitch about each other.

Ozgirl75 · 27/05/2023 21:37

My kids go to a prep school and a private school in a nice bit of Surrey, and even here no one has ever commented on anyone’s car. Some people have big SUVs, one mum has a lovely little bright red Audi and others have a variety of EVs and beat up old cars.
I would look to other places for friendships because if you fall in with judgy people they’ll always be judging you about something - whether it’s your house, clothes, handbag, holidays and honestly life is way too short to get into debt for other people, and also it’s exhausting to have to keep up with all that.
Seek out the people who are just nice and normal and friendly and who like you for what you’re like, not what you have.

Original poster
Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 21:39

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:32

Maybe you can use that to put your own problems into perspective? I'm not saying this I'm a horrible way.

But what I would give to swap places!

You are so right.

I’ve always been the type of person who has tried to feel strong about my choices (no cars on finance, save for things carefully) and to treasure and appreciate what I’ve got such as family, health and love. I’m having a wobble because I’m in a slightly low place and feel like I don’t fit in. I understand that this absolutely pales into insignificance compared to what you must be going through.

Tomorrow, I’m going to drive my small fully owned car and hold my head high, feel confident to make new friends, and think of others who are going through much harder things than me. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Sending love.

OP posts:
Nothingisblackandwhite · 27/05/2023 21:39

You are contradicting yourself , if you have money for a big Range Rover or Land Rover then get a Tesla , there is no flashier EV and it has a great range , get the model X that’s a big 7 seater all wheel drive . Or get a premium Mercedes class ev full EV .
“Problem “ solved .
I admit I love a premium brand car , I love German cars because they drive amazingly well compared to other brands but there is no way I would pick a car to look “ posh “ that’s just silly

heyheymamaway · 27/05/2023 21:41

"We are in an area where cars do matter" sounds like my idea of hell. Be yourself, unapologetically.

I nanny for very wealthy clients and they and their peers spend all day and night worrying about perceived markers of wealth. It's a fool's game.

freelancefreda · 27/05/2023 21:43

GoatGel · 27/05/2023 21:28

Ok @GoatGel what do you worry about then?

My daughter died last month. That's what I have to worry about.

Oh bloody hell. I am so sorry to hear this

continentallentil · 27/05/2023 21:49

I get that you are lonely OP, but a flash car isn’t going to be the answer to your problems. I expect some of the swishy hair mums are delightful individual, but trying to fit in with a posse (as you see it) is never the route to meaningful friendships.

What kind of person are you, what things do you like to do.. doing some of that, whether it’s park run or pottery is what will help you find your people.

nildesparandum · 27/05/2023 21:53

Where I live nearly all the SUVs are driven by drug dealers.

HorizontalSausage · 27/05/2023 21:53

This is one of the most vacuous posts I’ve read on mumsnet.

FloweryWowery · 27/05/2023 21:59

I can't imagine in a million years what sort of person wouldn't like me with a crap car, but would like me with a fancy car. That person would be awful. And really odd.

HarrietSchulenberg · 27/05/2023 21:59

Your car really wouldn't make any difference. If you're working you wouldn't be able to have lunch with the swishy haired posse anyway.
I have an old car and have friends who are "ladies who lunch" as well as ones who work themselves stupid to pay the bills (like me) and none of us give a shiny shit about what cars we drive. We get on because we are all quite rude, make each other laugh, and have each other's backs when needed. Nothing to do with vehicles.

MissFancyDay · 27/05/2023 22:04

Please don't get a flashy car just to fit in, there will always be something else to get, it will never be enough. That lifestyle sounds soulless and the real you will disappear under superficial "stuff"

If you move in the circles where you have to have certain things to fit in, then your kids will have to have things to fit in. Just break the toxic cycle. There will be others in the area like you. Just get the car that most suits your needs.

TedMullins · 27/05/2023 22:04

Honestly? In your position I’d move far away from your hellish, shallow, materialistic-sounding area before I even considered buying a new car. If that’s not feasible then just stop worrying what these vapid WAG wannabes might think of you and think about how you might be able to meet like-minded people.