To want a flashy car to fit in?

[Lustingovercar]

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

Mini driver here too, totally agree 😄 I switched from a massive Mercedes to my Mini Cooper and it's the best move I ever made!
Fast, fun, endless customisation opportunities for those who like that, and the most supportive and friendly community too. Mini drivers wave to each other and are always happy to help each other too. Get a countryman or clubman if you need space for dogs and have fun.

I had to collect my ancient zafira today from a local garage where it was taken on an RAC tow truck. I was horrified to discover that not only does a second hand land rover discovery cost more than 50k, the top of the bonnet was above my shoulder!!!!! I'm 5ft 4 so not tiny. First thing I said to my DH was you can't even see an 8 yr old in front of this, the front of it was like a tank. Genuinely shocked me, why do people buy these awful cars

This is exactly my issue with them too! I'm 5'2" and agree if I can't see over the bonnet when I'm stood beside it then it's a risk using them as school run cars.
It's also that when they're parked at the side of a narrow road it's even harder to see kids attempting to cross the road. The UK is not a place made for big huge cars but people do keep buying them.

Meanwhile, the rest of us trudge about in the dust with dung on our faces, pointing at passing Cortinas.

Whereabouts do you live? Luckily I am way beyond the school gate rubbish but I did notice yesterday walking the dog at our local rec where all the parents park that probably 80% of the cars doing school pick up were 4x4 ! Mentioned to husband and he said too many hire cars post pandemic! So there you go.

It depends on whether you want to fit in with the swishy types who measure value of a person in their belongings, appearance etc., or parents who value other qualities.
I easily have the oldest, smallest car at my DCs independent school, despite easily out earning all the mums there (through sheer blood sweat and tears) and have found my tribe eventually in the parents who see past the show.

Buying into the showiness is life inflation - I prefer to spend my money on things for my family to enjoy rather than spending on the thoughts of others.

@Esjolaol1973

Please share more - what amazing wisdom did your husband impart that we, as mere women, should all pay attention to?

Absolutely no mention of women in my post !

Lol they only matter because you think it matters.

What do you think will happen if you don't have a fancy vehicle?

Truly cannot understand why anyone would want to be part of a clique that relies on a Chelsea tractor as entry. I have a 10 year old car that I bought new (10 years ago!) and it has such low mileage that I cannot bring myself to buy another new one, no matter what anyone thinks. I'm quite sad for you, having this pressure you place on yourself. When I see (mainly) women driving these big vehicles I just think, ooh your husband must have a good job, because these women are not career women in any sense.

Surely you buy the car you need and can afford not something to please randoms at the school gate

When I see (mainly) women driving these big vehicles I just think, ooh your husband must have a good job, because these women are not career women in any sense.

SUVs are very popular in company fleets these days. I wouldn’t assume someone driving one has had it bought by their husband!

As you mother would have said to you when you were a kid, if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?

I know what you mean. At DS primary it was those massive Volvo cars. I was once left out of car sharing for a party because my car was "too small" or not a 5/6 seater.

If you feel into will help and you can afford it go for it.

We are looking at a new SUV to tow our caravan, I always thought they were a bit of an embarrassment nowadays not something to be proud of but needs must.

Be more sure of yourself. It would be a very shallow friendship if it was based on your car and hairstyle.

Surely this is a good thing? I wouldn’t choose to have to be part of a car share if I didn’t have to 😀and I’d certainly never buy a car just so I could drive some other kids around.

My god. I had no idea there were genuinely so many people who based their personality on what car they drive. Mind-boggling.

@Lustingovercar

I’m having a wobble because I’m in a slightly low place and feel like I don’t fit in.

Unless you're the kind of person who thinks a certain kind of car, swishy hair etc is very very very important, you'll NEVER fit in with these people. You'll just be acting with them, which is a bit soul destroying.

Think of it this way, if you lived in an area where everyone shared similar horrible views, would you pretend to share those views just to be accepted?

Why not look into volunteering away from the school, look for crafting groups etc? Different people.

Or move house, to somewhere you can bomb around in a simple car having a free happy life where no one judges you fit it.

@AsphaltGirl I think it's a bit of a leap to say I base my personality on the car I drive. I did quite clearly say I drove something very different previously. I've driven umpteen different brands and styles of cars in the 3 decades I've been driving and definitely had the same personality the whole time. The Mini community just makes it so much more fun to drive and that is refreshing after losing confidence behind the wheel over lockdown. It's nice having a supportive community in that respect.
Not sure how that boggles your mind.

@goatgel I'm so sorry for your loss.

I meant this stuff:

the most supportive and friendly community too. Mini drivers wave to each other and are always happy to help each other too.

the idea that everyone who drives a particular brand of car has the same personality. It's baffling. Like a children's book.

Get a Tesla?

nothing wrong with a flashy car if you can afford it - ignore the pious crew

Do you live in Cheshire by any chance OP?!

so many people are buying cars on finance or hire purchase - almost anyone can get an Audi these days

the wealthiest people save and invest and don’t spend their money on hyped up cars or Chanel bags

We live in a part of Surrey where there are a lot of nice houses and posh schools nearby - the truly wealthy with the largest houses usually have a Volvo tbh