To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident

Some are, but not a lot statistically. I do think misuse of contraceptives without realising is probably a contributing factor though rather than all and out non accidental but covered up to be so

Some probably are. I think its more often more like "I kinda want a baby even though he doesn't, so I'm not going to be shit hot at contraception of he can't be bothered".
Which the men sort of deserve, really.

The only surprise pregnancies I'm aware of are where people have told me they weren't "trying" but also weren't taking precautions. So not really that surprising.

That doesn't mean the partner was conned though.

Slightly misogynistic view I think. Even so, if a man really really does not want to be a father then why the fuck is he not using a condom?

Proper surprise pregnancies happen though. I got pregnant while on the pill and again with the implant in. Shit happens.

What lot of judgemental codswallop

Where's you evidence?

I know that one of my nephews was a deliberate accident as the parents stories didn't match up. Mother was desperate for a second child and dad was desperate not to, to the point of avoiding sex. He's had a vasectomy now..

First was an accident but they used the timing method so...

Is evidence needed for a vaguely formed opinion? Its not codswallop, its not like it doesn't happen
What's your beef?

I think it does happens. I don’t think it happens with nearly the regularity that it’s said though. I think blaming women for trapping men into pregnancies is another common myth to beat women with.

I saved this article because it echoes my own thoughts completely.
Make No Mistake, Men Are Responsible For 100% Of Unwanted Pregnancies | HuffPost (huffingtonpost.co.uk)

If men don't want children, condoms are cheap and widely available

I heard her being interviewed on the radio recently. She's 100% right

I know two friends who have done this. Those saying “use condoms” - that’s quite tricky in a marriage where the wife is insisting she’s taking the pill. So the husband has to say “I don’t believe you”. Think how that conversation plays out 🙄.

It's not about it being a myth, because it actually does happen, we all know that. It;s about reframing it...she didn't trap him into pregnancy, he caused it.
If the story is she didn't take the pill: its his fault for not using his own contraception.

Men who don't want kids who rely on women to deal with contraception are idiots, and caused those pregnancies. No traps, not the womans fault. His fault.

@Clymene but unwanted by who? The women I know absolutely wanted the pregnancy - it was the men who didn’t. Let’s not pretend this doesn’t happen.

No, they're saying the pill can fail and that they don't want to have a child so they're going to wear a condom.

@MwahHaHa in a casual relationship I absolutely agree with you, but the examples I know weren’t casual relationships 🤷‍♀️

Same principle. Use condoms or get a vasectomy if you don't want any/more children. Doesn't matter if its a one night stand or a30 year marriage.

I'm not pretending anything @PoePoePoePoePoe. If men don't want a baby to result as a consequence of PIV sex, then they need to wear a condom.

They need to take responsibility for contraception. If they choose not to and the women they're having sex with conceive, that's on them.

Yep. I know a woman who's (now ex-) partner insists she "baby trapped" him. In reality, she told him that she was coming off the pill because she was sick of being on it, and if he didn't want a baby then he should wear a condom. She told him she wouldn't abort if she got pregnant.

Guess what? He didn't want to wear a condom and then was hugely shocked when she did indeed fall pregnant.

Or he could frame it as taking responsibility for his own fertility. No method is 100% but men are fertile 100% of the time. Doubling up makes sense of you don't want to have children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. Contraception is the responsibility of both the man and woman , if he doesn't want a child he should take responsibility

Yes, exactly. At the end of the day, the NHS states that with typical use the pill is only 91% effective. Any man who really doesn't want a baby should wear a condom if they have two braincells to rub together, regardless of whether his partner is on the pill or not.

Yes, I agree with you. I’d say myth because it’s like some kind of wildfire urban legend whenever it comes up ‘this does happen because my mum’s friend’s sister’s colleague had it happen to him’. Unless a woman specifically says she deliberately lied to her partner (and no, accidents like forgetting the pill one morning are not the same) then i just don’t believe it’s anything more than another story to vilify women (and even then, as you say he caused it by not taking his own precautions).

@Clymene so wife promises she’s taking pill, husband says I don’t believe you and uses condom anyway?