To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

Oh I absolutely know friends who have quite deliberately got pregnant. Then made up a whole story about it being a 'surprise' blah blah. Happens way more than most would be willing to admit. Yes its guys responsibility too.
One friend was in early stages of dating and admitted timing sex around her 'fertile window' as she was that desperate for a baby in her late thirties.

@PoePoePoePoePoe it's not saying you don't believe her, it's saying no contraception, even when used perfectly is 100% perfectly is 100% effective. So if you don't want a child combining condoms with some form of female contraception is a sensible precaution.

Having been internet dating for a while, let me just say that there’s an astonish amount of men out there who claim they don’t like/can’t use condoms for any number of reasons. Me stating that I’m not on any hormonal contraception did nothing to discourage any of them.

Yeah OP, because women are intrinsically untrustworthy, manipulative liars aren’t they? 🙄

It's only recently that women have had any control over the matter of course. We are mammals and PIV sex is primarily for procreation. I think men forget sometimes and treat it as lightly as any other enjoyable leisure pursuit.

A friend of mine will tell everyone how she got pregnant on the pill. She always chimes in on conversations about pregnancy/contraception saying how unreliable the pill is. I reminded her that we used to be together a LOT and she never remembered to take it! If we went away for weekends/ nights out she'd always say she'd forgotten to bring it, woke up in the morning saying oops what day is it I haven't taken my pill for 2 days etc. Yet despite pointing that out she swears blind the pill is unreliable. It definitely wasn't the fact she didn't take it properly.

If you have sex without contraception (both sexes, not blaming anyone here) than it wasn't an accidental pregnancy, regardless if you weren't trying or not.

To me, a "surprise" pregnancy is one that occurs when contraception fails or someone who genuinely has been diagnosed as being unable to conceive, does so.

Do I think some people claim to of used contraception when they didn't? Absolutely.

Do I think genuine accidents happen? Of course they do. The human body is a weird and wonderful thing.

What kind of questions would you have asked? I mean, the implant is pretty black and white. When I had a positive test recently with the implant we had been talking about another and I did wonder if I’d been on the pill if Dh might have wondered if I’d just missed a couple days. But I certainly didn’t disappear to gp, sneakily get my implant out (an ugh process), walk around with bandages/bruised arm, get pregnant a few days later then run back and get it inserted back next to the fresh wound from extracting it, hide the chunky bandage again and wave a magic wand and not have any fresh scars.

I’ve done it, I’m not proud of it but there have been times dh had said ‘no more babies’ and I was desperate.
ex bf ended up telling him as id confided in her the second time and she was disgusted , I was 30 weeks pregnant and after I’d confided she had then brought it up again only so she could record me to then take to dh to let him listen as I’d admitted this was the second baby resulting from me lying about contraception

My pregnancy was a surprise even though we were TTC.

Both been ill and run down, and had sex once at an unlikely time. Didn't even notice my period was a late for a week because I was super stressed and had ruled the month out.

How that one got through when other far more enthusiastic attempts hadn't I don't know. I just know this baby is a persistent little bugger.

Disagree.

Another (completely unrelated) post someone said she has four kids despite using the pill and condoms. Either someone is lying or there is user error.

Probably 'surprising' to get pregnant if you don't know how and when to use a condom.

The only surprise pregnancies I'm aware of are where people have told me they weren't "trying" but also weren't taking precautions. So not really that surprising

Agreed. The only person I know who had an actual surprise pregnancy was a teen mother. Every single other person wasn't using contraception and/or relying on the rhythm method or charting ovulation or something. Neither of which are CONTRAception they are just 'attempting to avoid conception'. PS having been told by the mothers not the fathers but sure, let's make out like women would never ever make a mistake or even do anything even slightly underhanded, even when they are admittedly absolutely ruled by a biological urge to have a child.

Also and more bluntly the women who get accidentally pregnant and either don't want children ever or know it's a terrible time are much more likely to have an abortion. Women who get accidentally pregnant and keep the baby aren't a random sample of women who get accidentally pregnant - of course they're more likely to have felt ambivalent or even positive about having a baby in the first place.

Ha ha nothing as sinister as that. I just literally know nothing about the implant as I’ve always been on the pill as it’s worked well for me. I meant more like if they’d recently swapped to it from an alternative type of contraception.

I got pregnant to a guy dated briefly, who I had met through friends. His 'most life defining moment' was discovering he was infertile. So when the condom broke, I didn't worry too much. Until i missed my period.

Wanker.

My FIL thinks DH was unplanned. My MIL knows he wasn't...!

If they’d just had it in for a week they might have been pregnant - if it’s not inserted in like the first few days after a period ends gps here tell you to use other contraception for a week. But they’d probably have mentioned this. You get a new one every 3 years.

There's medications that make hormomal contraception less effective and it's not widely publicised. If you have endo + painful periods you cannot have the copper coil. So you don't have any reliable contraception apart from condoms , or abstinence. The pill doesn't work for everyone nor does anyone have to take it.
I get severe mood changes with all hormonal contraception , heavy periods. I have used withdrawal / condoms for almost 10 years and haven't had a pregnancy since dd was conceived where dh finished inside. I've asked to have my tubes tied but was turned down due to my age.

I know two people who claimed to have “got pregnant on the pill”. One admitted years later that she’d stopped taking it because she wanted a baby and the other one had actually run out but carried on having unprotected sex until she picked up a new prescription weeks later. So not on the pill at all!

1. it obviously does happen as nthing is 100%

2. Many things can impact the effectiveness of contraception: not being entirely consistent when taking it, medications, stomach bugs. I know someone who got pregnant taking the pill on a liquid only crash diet because apparently that can impact it. There there is one off carelessness.

3. Why should it be on women to own the entire burden of preventing pregnancy. Particularly if they don't want to be preventing pregnancy. deceit isn't ok, but I also wonder how many men don't want kids but don't really bother to ensure that their partner is being safe with contraception or take responsibility for it themselves.

How many kids do you have? And is DH still with you?

your life sounds very dramatic

I got pregnant on the implant(had a miscarriage) but doctor advised i got it out due to other things going on. Me and partner where going to use this method to avoid getting pregnant. Only had it out a week, and conceived 2days after my period so that was the biggest fail ever. Some people can hyper ovulate without knowing thats even a thing.

Completely agree.

Same with women and stealthing.

If you don't want a bun in the oven, grow up and take some responsibility

Times? As in plural? Not even just once?? How many kids did you have that you kept being "desperate" for more??

I personally do not personally know of any women that have consciously provoked a contraception failure.

There was a thread a while ago about the OP’s friend who had admitted to her that she had done it twice.

Some, sure.
A lot? Depends what you mean a lot.

I would guess that the vast majority come from a casual attitude to contraception - not deliberate but maybe not realising you’ve missed a pill or two. Or maybe relying on withdrawal method and it goes wrong.

some come from absolute contraception failures and some come from not taking any measures to not get pregnant and hoping for the best (there is only a small window per month after all!)

Some women are probably more cavalier as in they want a baby and aren’t doing much to stop it happening, even if SO doesn’t want to

Of all the women I’ve met in my life 95% of them have been decent good people, so the likelihood that we’ve got all these millions of women purposefully trapping men is quite low isn’t it surely? Or do you think a lot of the women you know would?

Surely that’s the question? How many women do you know would you say have done this Op?