To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

It's a lot more complex than that, we are animals. I think very very few women or men trick their partner. But in my case, when I was with an amazing man, and bought a house, I forgot to take my pill and got pregnant by accident. It was an accident and very badly timed career wise. But was it an accident? It was biologically the best time. I never 'forgot' before. Hmmm sometimes accidents happen because the biological imperative takes over the cognition imo.

100% agree @UptownFuckYouUp I also think many accidental pregnancies are NOT accidental. (Some are but many are not.)

There will be SOME for sure who fall accidentally, but they are very few. Some women blame the pill failing. But it's funny how the pill never failed during all the years they didn't want a baby.

Yes it's a bit of a misogynistic view, but as a pp said, let's not pretend this never happens - women falling pregnant and acting faux shocked, and claiming it was an 'accident.'

Like a few other posters, I know 5 women right now- all early to mid 30s, 4 who had never had a baby before, who fell pregnant 'accidentally' (all in the past 2.5 to 3 years... )

They had been going on about babies for several years, their partner didn't want one, and then voila, they ended up pregnant 'accidently.' They were all on the pill, their partner trusted them, and a couple of the men say they used condoms too, but she still fell pregnant. Make of that what you will!

They all kept the baby too, which (IMO) is a big giveaway that all the women planned it!

My mum got pregnant on the pill, but she had an upset stomach and so should have been told to double up or abstain. So it was a contraception failure.

Anyone else who had a surprise was actually just not using contraception and so I find it really annoying when they say it was a surprise. Wtf did you think would happen?!

@PumpkinsandCoconuts I feel like there's quite a lot of difference between .3 and 1%. I'm pretty happy with .3, but 1/100 seems... not negligible

I think it means not taking precautions but not (e.g.) timing intercourse etc either. I wouldn't call that a surprise baby myself but I can see the distinction people are making.

@Ohhmydays

My sister fairly directly implied that it wasn't an accident as it was they only way to get pregnant again and literally in the next room her husband was saying how careful they had been and he couldn't believe it had happened again etc etc.

She had been begging to try again for years and her facebook posts were overtly talking about 'if only DH wanted another' and i just want to be pregnant again'. I'm as sure as i can be without directly asking that their second child was deliberate on her part, it would be completely in character for her to do.

Im not saying this is the majority of 'accidental' pregnancies. about 50% of my generation of my family were 'accidents' but most were 'oh lets risk it this one time' (my brother) or 'if it happens it happens' (my cousin) all in committed. relationships so a pregnancy wasn't the end of the world.

It would be interesting to know how many pregnancies happen despite best effort not to rather then being careless. You hear a lot on here so maybe quite high?

Also there are things beyond your control, i had a friend in university who was concieved because her mum had carbon monoxide poisoning which can effect the pill. Also getting food poisoning can effect the pill too. Do these count as accidents? should people know that there is a chance of pregnancy in these cases and check?

My BFF did it. Remarried in her late 40s. She already had 3 kids (ages 25-10), he had never had kids and didn't want them. She definitely wanted another one so told him she was menopausal and they didn't need protection. The result is now 14 years old.

the husband still doesn't know she lied. She presented the pregnancy to everyone as an amazing, against the odds fluke but a few years later inadvertently let on to me that it had been very carefully planned.

on the plus side the child is wonderful and much loved by everyone.

People don't usually share if they have terminated it's private.

Do all these women who keep trapping have amazing hands on partners ? Or do they moan he's useless? I'm always puzzled when women repeatedly get pregnant by wastes of space then moan they have to do most of the care.

My brother started in a relationship with a woman, and when he raised the topic of contraception, she assured him she was taking the pill. Surprise, surprise, about 6 months later she announced she was pregnant. He said 'I thought you were on the pill', and she replied 'I was lying. I didn't know how long our relationship would last, I wanted a baby, and you seemed like OK breeding material'. he later found out the father could have been one of four men. He was very young (22).

The three I know who had babies in their 40s were all coil failures and my own unplanned pregnancy was when I’d come off the pill while undergoing hospital tests, condom split and morning after pill failed… I had a termination. I think your assumption is ill informed and inaccurate.

My fourth baby was unplanned. I took the pill religiously at the same time every day. We booked hubbie in for a vasectomy very quickly after that!

Old joke: In Northern Ireland, Protestant and Catholic families live next door to each other. Husbands are best buddies. One day: Protestant: I always wear a johnny during sex, and we have eight children, but you're a Catholic, you can't use birth control, and you've only got one. Funny thing, that'. Catholic: Ah sure, I do use some control. I only have sex during the 'safe period'. Protestant: What's that? Catholic: When you're on night shift!

Most accidental pregnancies are absolutely on purpose, considering abortion is readily available and merely only the removal of embryonic cells until around 8 weeks, far too many people are purposely having children when not ready without their partner knowing. Also as above have said misusing contraception and other factors.

My SIL has a big mouth and very matter-of-factly told my Dad she got pregnant on purpose when not long going out with my brother because her biological clock was ticking…obviously my Dad didn’t ask for the details…

And she probably wonders why none of us has any respect for her…what kind of person does that? But if they did, what kind of idiot breathes a word of it to the in-laws?!

Needless to say, she has shown her true colours in countless other ways…she doesn’t seem to have any filter even in terms of when she’s making herself look like a terrible person.

It for some abortion is not an option. Also the extent of me thinking I could never have a child meant I was 10weeks when I found out. Whilst still able to terminate I wasn't willing to because actually a baby was something I never thought we would have.

I know someone who wants a second child and their partner doesn’t as he already has 3 from previous relationships. I asked a relative of theirs what they’re going to do and their response was ‘well she wants another one, so he doesn’t really get a choice’.

It was said really casually and as though she was in the right (she’s apparently ‘on the pill’). I actually wonder how the response would be the other way around. If a man said ‘well I want a baby, so she doesn’t get a choice’.

Yes, the man could choose to wear a condom but in a way if he trusts the woman when she says she’s taking contraception he wouldn’t feel the need to. It’s like women who trust that men won’t slip the condom off in the middle of sex. Should they have chosen to be on other contraception in case the man did that?

I think many people don't realise the failure rate of contraception with normal use: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-contraception/#:~:text=Contraceptive%20pill&text=than%2099%25%20effective.-,Fewer%20than%201%20in%20100%20women%20will%20get%20pregnant%20in,use%3A%20around%2091%25%20effective. Even with perfect use there will be pregnancies.

Men are 100% fertile all of the time. If they don't want children they need to take responsibility too.

So on this thread a man can’t use a condom because it shows he doesn’t trust his wife/ partner. Because women are trustworthy. But everyone and their mum knows someone who ‘tricked’ a man into pregnancy. Because women actually aren’t trustworthy.

If the male pill came onto the market tomorrow that would be fantastic. But would I trust my fertility to another person, no matter how much I love them? Of course not. I could 100% trust him to not ‘trap’ me into pregnancy but ultimately I can’t trust that he won’t take it a few hours late (or forget that he took it at all). Or that a small bout of diarrhoea that he’d not even thought about means it’s no longer effective. Or just that the pill itself won’t fail 1/100 times. I know with certainty that I wouldn’t want a baby so I would take full control of that myself.

Take control of your own contraception if you absolutely do not want a baby. Stop blaming women for ‘tricking’ men. It is misogynist and it’s tedious.

As someone who just had (2 weeks ago)ectopic surgery while having multiple coils for the last 15 years, I can assure you that accident are real and very unpleasant for the whole family (DD is 18 and DS is 15).
Your question is weird, what do you want to know? Are women devious? Man insecure about ability to impregnate women?
I think it all comes down to plain laziness and disbelief it could happen to us.

A friend partner, desperate to get married or just a bit of commitment from her partner of over 10years decided to change her method of contraception.
Her partner told me they were trying a new technique by her taking her temperature. ( it was new at the time) I told h8m she’d be pregnant 8n no time.

For reference myself and my dh had been introduced by them, had married and were having our first child. She had said at the hen do ,whilst a little tipsy, she was mortified her dp hadn’t asked her to get married yet.

Forward 2months and she’s decided a new method of contraception.
Forward two months and she’s pregnant.
My friend, her partner completed shocked.

Definitely a set up on her part.

I'm sure it happens in SOME cases but to say it happens in MA Y cases is wrong in my opinion. I had an accidental pregnancy

It happens!! A friend of mind was seeing a lass who claimed to be on the pill got caught out with the 'accidental pregnancy'. He really didn't want a child so also used condoms when it was 'peak' time of the month to be sure. She ends up pregnant with potential 3 daddies in the mix, decides after baby is 10 months to name the dad (no DNA - she's just sure now) - the wealthiest of course (my friend) but continues to let other 2 potential daddies carry on seeing DC just in case you see 😵‍💫 (clearly lots of free childcare) time passes, other daddies get sick of being messed about (dc is yours, it's Toms, it's Harry's) and drop out of poor DC's life. My friend was devastated after finding out from a friend a few years down the line she had told a few people she'd deliberately got pregnant by him as she knew he'd pay out well, she wasn't on the pill at all and lied about time of month. Disgusting but true - this shit happens folks whether you think it does or not. Apparently she's since done similar again 4 years later. The thread on it being a man's responsibility 100% is ludicrous.

I only ever see it on here where people are in awful situations and they know this but are too embarrassed to admit it, so they use the accidental pregnancy as a reason.

so wife promises she’s taking pill, husband..and says, as it has a reasonable failure rate and, given that I don't want a child, I'll use condoms as well.