To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

And then sex doesn't happen 😆 definitely no baby then

Ermm can we come back to this quickly please. Was the implant still within 3 years and in the right place?! I know nothing is 100% safe but I'm worrying now 😂

Or he could just say "I feel very strongly that I don't want a baby, and the pill is not 100% effective even with perfect use, so I want to use a condom".

Or the husband says ‘honey, the pill is only 91% effective and I really don’t want a baby so I think we should double up on contraception. Thank you for being responsible with the pill - I’ll take my share of the responsibility with a condom’.

No accusations required.

When I was an older teen I got pregnant by my 33 year old boss, who told me that he couldn't have children, then basically forced me to marry him, which was fun and turned out exactly as you would imagine.

I don't know why it's always the narrative of women tricking men that's thrown about, it happens both ways (as do accidental pregnancies, as my youngest is testament to, I was on the injection at that point, and didn't know until 22 weeks)

Yes it happens. Men should use a condom. The take responsibility line is absolutely right if you don't want kids.

No contraception is 100%, so statistically mistakes will hsppen

I agree op. And it's always a contraceptive failure with a man with assets😄 then 5 years and another contraception failure later they are in here moaning he won't marry them! They used to be called gold-diggers but that's politically incorrect t now so they're called contraception failures instead.

I know of one where it was deliberate on the woman's part.

It was about 2.5 years and seemed to be in the same place.

I've had other issues though that could suggest that my body does not deal with progesterone /synthetic progestin in precisely the expected way. The pregnancy only went to 12 weeks anyway.

I think in the most part this is untrue and the women who argue this have listened to too many sexist stories from men about being trapped and freedom taken away. There are men that genuinely want to have children and are not scared of that commitment. DH was one of those men and because he is an Architect in a London office where many people have DC late thirties/forties or Dad's with second young families in their 50s, colleagues, clients don't believe he has a 16 year old so he was 25 (nearly 26) my colleagues couldn't believe that I was purposely pregnant at the time either as I was in a London career where you certainly don't plan DC at that age! He has a really successful school friend who had his eldest DD at 23 and he wasn't pushed in to it. He does come from an upper class background and there aren't as many worries about all this. My DH'suncle in first marriage had his first at 23, he is/was a Doctor and it wasn't an 'accident' at all. Again though the wife was upper class and careers etc. weren't really a consideration. So no I don't think there are many women that cause 'accidents' to happen.

I do agree that men should take responsibility for contraception also, especially if they're the party that doesn't want a child, but similarly it is deceptive if a man is with a partner who says they are on the contraceptive pill and they aren't, or they come off it without telling them. Of course they could and arguably should wear a condom each and every time even if the partner is on the pill, but I can see why they don't as they trust their partners. Of course its different if there's no other contraceptives discussed/woman reasonably says no she's not taking any/they take the risk knowing.

I agree OP, unless due to (genuine) contraceptive failures.

If you have sex, there’s a chance it’s going to result in a baby.

A family member of mine had two babies “accidentally.”

To add though out of the people I know who say it was a surprise or unplanned pregnancy, the women had all spoken about wanting children soon so phew lucky that.

Of course it happens. In this day and age adult women of normal intelligence have a baby when they want to have a baby. However since this is obviously the case, men are fully responsible for their own fertility and if they are having sex with a woman they don't want to have a child with (or not yet) then they should use condoms and be clear about why they are doing so.

I think quite a few are accidental but a fair number of those will be by incorrect use of contraception.

For example, not taking pill at the right time, not taking additional contraception if suffering with D&V, using the pull out method and thinking its reliable, not reading that other medications can make some birth control effective, relying on breastfeeding or an assumption nor diagnosis of fertility problems.

I never understand when people say this - not taking precautions IS trying for a baby surely.

Most accidental pregnancies I know about are couples who don't use contraception (maybe some safe day calsulations) but are not actively trying. Which in my opinion is the same as trying.

I don't think all unplanned pregnancies is just women being devious baby trapping monsters.

Well we were both surprised even though we know how the birds and the bees work as it is the enormity of the idea of a baby and I was pregnant within one month of no contraception so it was surprising how quick it was. However, we were 'both' really surprised and excited.

I think a lot of men make the assumption that women taking the pill are doing it correctly and many forget pills, dont realise other medicines can interfere or forget that some illnesses can make it ineffective.

I'd love to see a straw poll on how many women would trust a man saying he was on the pill to be doing it correctly compared to men who think women will take it properly. There is always an assumption that women are responsible.

A surprise at how quick when you're actively trying doesn't feel the same as wow how did that happen!

Where would the evidence come from? There are hardly likely to be any reliable statistics.

Hmmm I'm not sure. My younger sister (same dad different mum) was conceived by a women who had fairly little financial means whereas my dad was relatively wealthy. They were in a reasonably informal relationship and ended up married. They subsequently divorcedonly 2-3 years later. I was 8 when she was born and remember some raised eyebrows from family about the surprise.

That said its a grey area with accidents. I got pregnant for the second time when my first was 11 months old. I had gone back on the pill but had never really got into the routine of taking it and often missed it. I had post natal depression and never slept so didn't mean to miss it but just wasn't able to reliably do it. I saw then dh once that month (he worked away) and said leave it in it'll be fine. My reasoning being that it took several tries to conceive first child and one time couldn't hurt. I tell people my second was a surprise (and I certainly didn't want to become pregnant) but is that an accident or willful stupidity?

He's seven now and I wouldn't be without him for the record

I know a surprising number of young women who have "trapped" their partner.

So even though your premise says it's women who are getting too old, in my experience it's young women who didn't want to fit into adult society, i.e getting a job and looking after themselves and/or they didn't want to lose a man who's at least several years older than them.

I mean if the men don't want a baby than they need to be really strict on contraception. The one they use is most effective anyway.