To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

Over the years I’ve seen and heard plenty of conversations of people in denial about either sloppy use of contraceptives or people who say they aren’t TTC, but are not using realistic birth control. I’ve never heard encountered conversations of subterfuge. I think it is poor birth control education and application, not actual lying, that results in most accidental pregnancies.

One post from the OP that includes

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Oh please behave, you 'journalistic' embarrassment.

I've no idea but if you asked me to guess I'd say a single figure percentage.

How do they get the statistics? My DD got pregnant on the coil, but got a false pregnancy result when the NHS did bloods. She tested positive at home days later, she hadn't had sex in between.

Well no because men are always free to use condoms or get the snip if they really really don’t want children so I’d say men are always the cause rather than women.

Yes we are still together. After he heard the recording he left for 3 days and then came back to talk and said to me he realised how much it meant to me. it was a terrible time I felt really awful but I have some issues which have led to obsession over babies (ASD, OCD and a traumatic loss) so it is very complicated. Obviously dh knows and ex bf didn’t so he was able to forgive me

@Sartre in fairness it’s not easy for men or women to obtain sterilisation procedures under 40. Even privately it can be challenging to find a surgeon prepared to do it.

My cousin got drunk at Christmas a few years ago and outed herself as a 'condom pricker' twice over.

The only person who was remotely surprised was her husband.

Behave, women deny it until the cows come home but the term ‘babytrapping’ doesn’t exist for no reason.

It’s more common than I think anyone here will admit!

Misogynist. We got pregnant accidentally while I was on the pill but my partner wasn’t ready (I was) but the decision was taken out of our hands due to needing to TFMR. I then waited another 6 years until my partner was ready, and then we struggled for 2 years and now we have our precious baby.

The 99% effective only is effective if taken perfectly with the percent conditions.

I don't get the snip argument, a man might not want children right now or even with their current partner, but just because of that doesn't mean they don't ever want children. I do agree they should use condoms even with women who say they're on the pill as evidently some lie about that and they should be able to trust them.

At least you recognise it was bad, it's good he forgave you, I don't think I would such a betrayal of trust.

but the term ‘babytrapping’ doesn’t exist for no reason

that’s a horrible phrase and massively outdated. There’s minimal societal pressure to get or stay married, let alone stay in a relationship, because children are involved.

I think so too. But then again, if a man absolutely does not want kids at least they should wear a condom, no reason why the responsibility should fall on the women only.

Yes, the word ‘slut’ exists for a reason too. Both tend to be means to shame women.

100% it was an awful thing to do and I feel guilty and regret it. I understand why my friend told him, it was the right thing to do. It meant I could get some therapy too for the underlying issues

Oh, I'm certain it does happen, but how often I couldn't say.

I suspect there's a fair amount of "I'm keen to have a baby, but partner doesn't seem that interested/hasn't really mentioned it. I might just be a bit casual with the birth control and see what happens... I'm sure they'll be on board when it happens!"

Condoms are only 96% effective according to that Huffington post article

I’ve know of 6 friends who have become pregnant by accident and had abortions. I assume there are others who didn’t take me into their confidence. I know two friends who got pregnant by accident and kept the baby, niether were thrilled about it and neither were talking about wanting to have another baby before hand (very much the opposite in one case). It scuppered their long term plans in both cases. So I think there are lots of actual accidents. I wouldn’t put it past some women to get pregnant on purpose without their partner’s agreement, but from my own experience I would be surprised if it was actually that common.

Someone recently told me she intends to get pregnant while travelling so she can have a baby by a certain age. She’s not even going to tell the father it’s happened (and I imagine won’t have a way of contacting him). She seems to think it’s fine because she’s not going to ask him for anything…. but somehow I suspect the father won’t agree when he’s tracked down via Ancestry DNA in 20 years time!

@Invisibleeye does that mean she’s just going to sleep with whoever she fancies unprotected? She’ll be lucky not to end up with a bonus std as well as a baby.

DC3 was definitely not planned. Copper coil, born practically clutching it! We found out when I was 18 weeks pregnant so no decision to be made. We walked out of the hospital after the scan, gulped, and said here we go again.

I didn't realise I was pregnant because DC2 had been born only a few months earlier so my periods were all to pot.

DC3 graduates in a couple of months.

Though we didn't intend to have 3 DC there are so many things we have done because we do. Nothing to regret.

Yes, I'm sure it does if you are a bad judge of character.

And of course so many women are after a man's money, is that a joke? I'm trying to think of anyone I know who fits that description but all the women I know don't need men's money and they are intellectually on a par with if not intellectually superior to the men in their life so why the hell would they need to trick anyone.

I know of two women who stopped taking contraceptive pills in order to become pregnant. Its pretty disgusting thing to do.

I've met men who are allergic to condoms/can't get hard with one on blah blah. Whatever! Im allergic to latex but I purchase latex free condoms. Simple.

When I was dating, I used to always put a condom on a guy myself because I realised how many men couldn't do it properly eg they would suggest reusing it if they hadn't come (!), fail to pull it down far enough, fail to take the air out of the end etc. I simply wouldn't trust a man to do it.

Equally, reading the threads on here shows how many women don't understand fertility/ovulation or the instructions which come with the contraception. There have been a number of threads recently about the MAP - so many people not understanding how it works or the other options potentially available (coil).

You see it on here quite often, people telling others to just stop taking the pill or saying that's what they've done so it does happen.

I had an accidental pregnancy and it was an incredibly difficult decision about whether to keep it.
My (Now) DH and I hadn't been together all that long, didn't live together, early and mid 20s.
I had been on the pill and took it like clockwork.
Obviously I kept it and now have a wonderful and very much loved and wanted DS. I gave DH the option at the time to leave once I'd made up my mind to continue with the pregnancy.