To think a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually planned without their partner knowing?

[UptownFuckYouUp]

I hear of so many contraceptive failures, especially when the man is dragging his feet in regards to ttc, that it makes me wonder if they're not so accidental after all.

Lots of women worrying about their body clock, wanting a specific age gap between their DC, wanting a baby with a new partner etc

How common do we think it is? Has anyone done it or known anyone to?

Obviously there's always the chance of a man taking a condom off without the woman's knowledge/faking a vasectomy, but I think that is a lot less common.

Sidenote: I appreciate a lot of pregnancies ARE an accident, I'm just curious about those who say it was an accident when in fact there was one partner ttc without the other knowing

That's a great article, thanks for posting it

It is @AnotherEmma , thank you.

I went on a hen weekend several years ago where three women admitted they’d done exactly this. They probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if they were sober, but had hidden the fact that they had stopped taking the pill because each of their husbands had “said no to one more baby”. I agree that men should take equal responsibility for contraception but if they have been told in good faith that the woman is protected, then those women have basically destroyed any trust in their relationship.

I have a friend who was stealthed by an intimate partner.

I personally do not personally know of any women that have consciously provoked a contraception failure.

I would therefore disagree with you about this being common than stealthing etc.

But this is obviously just speculation.

It happened with a friend of mine, said she forgot the birth control. I know she wanted a child asap because she was getting much older. Luckily her then casual partner was ok with it, and they got married in the end.

I've always believed that if taken perfectly the pill is almost 100% effective. If someone told me they got pregnant taking it the same time every single day, with no antibiotics or anything to affect it, I would be both surprised and slightly nervous because I rely on it for contraception. I guess it has happened though.

In all fairness a man if he doesn't want kids can't be conned then if he always protects himself and doesnt rely on someonelse to be protected

Its actually my friends who have been persuaded to ttc by their second husbands and keep going with the pregnancy when they weren't sure . Promising to share the load of childrearing and how it will be so much better than the first time and they will be supportive.

It was a lie they do sweet fuck all and the woman is doing the lot. I think men also trap women quite a lot especially when they have kids from a first marriage its like reclaiming them or something but not putting any effort in.

I think most accidental pregnancies are owing to either not using contraception at all, or avoidable issues when being unwell taking the pill.

My brother’s then gf had a planned accident. He’d left his wife and kids for her and told me adamantly he wanted no more kids. A few weeks later she announced she was pregnant. Later in the pregnancy a few things she let slip made it clear she had planned it and it’s very true to form for her. Has to have everything she wants.

Ultimately piv sex means that there is always a chance of conception, regardless of precautions taken. Aside from abusive relationships and rape both parties should have that understanding.

Presuming that nobody has been ‘tricked’ into inserting their genitals into someone else then they’ve mostly just played the odds.

Pretty sure my sister was , erm, 'casual' to say the least about contraception to get that one final child she desperately wanted and her DH didn't. Of course, I played along with the 'shock, horror, contraceptive failure' story she peddled, but I don't believe her - she is a bit of a liar by nature anyway. Nothing her DH could do but suck it up, 'contraceptive failure' is a young adult now and all is well.

The failure rate of most contraceptive pills is between 0.3 and 1% with perfect use (most English sources I've seen state 1%).

I suppose it depends on how you define near 100%.

But 1 in 100 women getting pregnant in 1 year with perfect use is not negligible imo.

Especially when one considers that perfection is a very high standard to continously uphold....

DD1 wasn't planned, I probably threw up the Pill when I was quite sick with a hangover, but we'd been together five years and were married, had good jobs and had bought a house together, and were planning to have kids in a couple of years anyway, so I wasn't exactly running out for the MAP. DD2 was planned. Glad I had them a bit earlier than we might have otherwise though as I was diagnosed with endometriosis a few years later and things might have been more difficult.

This!!

Also women can take the Pill or use other methods of contraception. If you don't want kids then take responsibility for it.

Obviously if a woman lies about contraception, eg I'm on the pill but she's not, it's still the man's fault. Yet more MN hypocrisy.

So did I!!!! I at 19 and 22

A lot of that is hindsight.
You look down at a beautiful child and it's no longer an unplanned-for accident. Pregnancy changes your perception.

"Babytrapping" is just another stick to beat women with

my ex lied told everyone that he couldn't have children that he had been tested and his sperm count was negligible his ex wife actually said the same thing his family agreed he got me pregnant begged me not to have an abortion because it was "his only chance" of a baby turns out it was all a lie his ex wife admitted she wasn't sure about having a baby with him so she had a coil fitted they made up the infertility story because everyone in their families wanted them to have a baby and they wanted them to back off she didn't get a chance to warn me it was a lie

Guess who is now going around saying he was baby trapped and "forced" into marriage HE wanted the wedding HE begged for the children (I love my kids but I resent my ex) HE is now dodging child support and not seeing them and IM GETTING THE BLAME

it's truly fucked up

Antibiotics caught me out, and at 32 years old, I should have realised! Didn’t bother reading the leaflet and dr didn’t remind me to use contraception for a week after (I know I should know better than to have to be told 🫣). DD is 5, I blame having to parent ill, while still working full time and not much sleep for my altered state of mind (DD was also ill at the time, eurgh, germy kids!) Didn’t really want another but not long left to go and we are all really excited now!

I think there are a few genuine cases of hormonal contraceptives failing. I know a couple of people who fell pregnant whilst on the implant but didn’t know them well enough to ask questions.

However one of my best friends had a “surprise” pregnancy whilst on a weekend away with her boyfriend. She was so shocked as she was “on the pill”. I said to her “that’s so surprising as the pill is so effective as long as you don’t miss more than one and take it when you realise you missed it” (assumed this was her case). She looked at me and said “I missed four in a row so I just took them all when I realised…are you saying you can’t do that?”

So I agree with those saying that a lot of it is carelessness/ lack of knowledge about how to take it properly.

She was raped by her husband.

My opinion will be unpopular however I believe if you have sex, you are risking becoming pregnant.

Contraception fails, it happens. I personally knew I didn't want to become pregnant for many years so I was on the pill and used condoms/withdrawal (yes I know that's not a great method of contraception but the two should help).

I am pretty anti-abortion. I think the only reasons someone should get an abortion are for medical/rape. Yes it can be argued mental health but unless it's life threatening, I don't think that's a reason to abort a life.

One night stand /casual fling = everyone should look after their own and both should have protection against STD and pregnancy and I have no sympathy whatsoever for men who don’t bother or hide behind “I thought she was on the pill”

BUT I continue to be utterly staggered that the view is that in an actual relationship where these things have been discussed and agreed, that if it is agreed that the contraception is to be the pill, women should not be trusted and so men should wear a condom “if they don’t want a baby” Essentially are we saying then that women can not be trusted to take the pill and/or are too thick to take it correctly?? I’d be fucking furious if having agreed this, a partner then insisted on condoms as well. That would tell me exactly what he thought of me! Barring people with learning difficulties obv, taking the pill is correctly is not hard. Take it at the same time daily, if you throw up/are ill/take a contraindicated medicine then use an alternative. There is no reason for the phenomenal
amount of alleged ‘accidents’ so no I don’t believe they happen. I think women who want a baby will just ensure they have one and then blame the phantom ‘stomach bug’

My DS was an accident. The most beautiful and, when we got over the shock and confusion, the most wanted accident ever. I was diagnosed as having early menopause at 28 due to not having periods anymore. I'd been fighting eating disorders for ten years by then and they declared I had ruined all chances of parenthood. They tested me for just over two years to measure hormone levels and at 31 put me on HRT. Within three months I was pregnant!

What's more shocking is we haven't been able to conceive naturally again because my husband is infertile (three fertility specialists and an andrologyst confirmed it will have been from childhood medical issues).

My accident was a miracle and came as a surprise but a beautiful surprise 😍