MIL wanted grandson not granddaughter

[cornflakebrownie]

Name changed for this but am a long-time user. DH and I have two gorgeous DDs and to our surprise and delight are now expecting (in our 40s) our third child. Everything is going well with the pregnancy and yesterday at 20-week scan we found out all being well we’ve got another healthy girl on the way.

MIL has told my husband a couple of times earlier in the pregnancy that it would be nice if it was a boy. She says FIL also wants a grandson. This disappointed me but a few people had said similar given we have two girls already, so I just shrugged it off.

Then today DH called MIL to tell her our news and she told him “it would have been nice if it was a boy”. I can’t believe she’s still saying this now we actually know it’s a healthy girl.

I feel really sad and angry. DH says I’m overreacting. So as not to drip feed, we’ve had a few issues generally with MIL and FIL over the last few years, with them rarely coming to see the girls, we always have to go to them. There’s also been some financial troubles in their family, which have impacted us, but DH is very loyal and wants to keep up our weekly video chats with his mum.

Am I wrong to feel so pissed off?

Well there's nothing anyone can do about it is there? Just ignore her.

Yanbu. When you next see them could you say "I'm sorry you are disappointed that the baby is a girl, but hopefully she won't be a disappointment when she's here."

Ignore her. Congratulations!

That's very rude of her.

"It would have been nice if it was a boy"

Nice for who? Why? Just such an unnecessary comment.

Personally I'd let your DH do his weekly calls and step back for a bit.

Congratulations on your baby girl!

YANBU, I remember when I was pregnant with my 3rd daughter I told my mother and she said "what a shame", just one of the many reason I'm now nc with her.

If they rarely visit, then I would just keep being lc with them, there's not a lot else you can do really. I would definitely be busy for video chats in future though.

Hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy, and congratulations 💐

Well that's one mil that won't get to meet granddaughter.

Mine told me it was a shame I wasn't having a particular gender. I told her if she was that ashamed I won't be expecting a visit then. That shut her up.

Such a shame for your parents in law, that you and your partner will, now, put your foot down and not allow them to see their new grandchild, or even existing grandchildren - because you do not expose your children to sexism, let alone sexism directed to them directly.

I'd be saying "you've already said that," "you told me that last time," "is there a reason you keep saying that?" etc etc. And a good hard stare.

There's nothing anyone can do about it, but no-one is unreasonable to hope for a child or grandchild of a particular sex.

She was unreasonable to share that opinion and should have kept it to herself.

Gender disappointment is a thing, it happens even to parents, just ignore and enjoy what’s left of your pregnancy. I can’t see how their disappointment impacts you in any way, shape or form.

Yes, the key word there is HOPE - as in silently, not telling anyone, especially not the parents.

She was having a conversation with her own son, and if it doesn’t bother him then it shouldn’t bother you.

I’d be wondering why he told you what she said if he knew you’d be likely to take it offensively.

People get disappointed over the sex of their own unborn babies, even people who turn out to be wonderful loving parents. It’s nothing personal.

If she does it again, I’d remind her that it’s the sperm that determines the sex of the baby, so she should take it up with her son. I’d also remind her how terribly demeaning it is to the child in question that she’s made her feelings known, and that some things said can never be forgotten.

Why oh why does your dh keep relaying the comment to you?
honestly he said she said.
i bet your dh agrees with her, tell him to keep these comments to himself.

They just want to annoy you by sounds of it, they aren’t bothered with the lovely girls you have already and what a cruel thing to say about your baby, I don’t think I’d be bothering with them anymore.

my mum has 6 grandsons and 1 granddaughter and it’s all dgd this and that it’s like the boys are second class and she wonders why they aren’t really bothered about her

I don’t think it’s the end of the world at all. Gender disappointment is a real thing even for grandparents.

My family is FULL of girls. There’s probably about 5 boys and God knows how many girls. When I found out I was pregnant in 2020, my mum was so excited. She waited outside whilst I found out the sex as I could only bring one person in the room with me. When I told her it was a girl she literally said, ‘oh great. Another bitch’😳

As rude as I found her comment, it really didn’t impact my life/pregnancy in any way. I was super excited to have a girl so I didn’t care how she felt. 3 months later I got pregnant again, ended up having a boy who she completely fell in love with (she also fell in love with my daughter in case anyone jumps on me).

Just push the comments out of your mind and carry on enjoying your pregnancy. People will always have negative shit to say

Don’t forget to tell her that it’s her sons sperm that decides the gender of her grandchildren, it’s nothing to do with you. Tell her to go talk to her son!!

Well look at it another way!

Be thrilled - as I'm sure you are anyway - it's another girl as had it been a boy the il's would have treated him totally differently to your two lovely girls which could have caused issues for you and DH and a real feeling of being left out with your two dd's.😥

Many congratulations on your new DD and forget about the il's. She is very, very lucky to have 3 healthy, happy dgc.

Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy and expecting a little girl 💛

Sounds like a standard, miserable comment from a grandparent who probably picks fault with a lot of things. I'd be hurt by her comments as well, but her words just show how narrow minded she is and what a ridiculous little bubble she lives in. She is incredibly lucky to be blessed with 2 granddaughters already, and to have another granddaughter on the way is another great blessing. Some people will never be happy - try and ignore her hurtful comments. Her words are a reflection on her and not on you and your children.

Wishing you a safe and enjoyable pregnancy and birth of your little one.

Sure. Think it. But keep it to yourself. Why would you keep repeating it?

I'd make it really awkward and ask why she's so preoccupied with a child having a penis.

I wouldn’t bother with her for a while if she’s so disappointed.

Gender disappointment can be normal but I think it’s rude for people to keep mentioning it once you know what you’re having.

My MIL would be exactly the same as this. If she says it again I’d just snap ‘’Well Sandra I was doing my best to get you a boy, but it’s out of my hands I’m afraid and that absolutely sod all any of us can do about it.’’