MIL wanted grandson not granddaughter

[cornflakebrownie]

Name changed for this but am a long-time user. DH and I have two gorgeous DDs and to our surprise and delight are now expecting (in our 40s) our third child. Everything is going well with the pregnancy and yesterday at 20-week scan we found out all being well we’ve got another healthy girl on the way.

MIL has told my husband a couple of times earlier in the pregnancy that it would be nice if it was a boy. She says FIL also wants a grandson. This disappointed me but a few people had said similar given we have two girls already, so I just shrugged it off.

Then today DH called MIL to tell her our news and she told him “it would have been nice if it was a boy”. I can’t believe she’s still saying this now we actually know it’s a healthy girl.

I feel really sad and angry. DH says I’m overreacting. So as not to drip feed, we’ve had a few issues generally with MIL and FIL over the last few years, with them rarely coming to see the girls, we always have to go to them. There’s also been some financial troubles in their family, which have impacted us, but DH is very loyal and wants to keep up our weekly video chats with his mum.

Am I wrong to feel so pissed off?

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. Amazing how many of us have to hear these outdated comments from family and total strangers, assuming that we must all want cookie cutter style families.

I really appreciate all the perspectives, humour and strategies on this thread. And congratulations to everyone on their kids, whatever sex they may be!

Urgh it's so annoying isn't it?! After I had my second (perfect, precious!) girl my MIL said: "I think a boy next." Umm no.

Not really a big deal to me. I’d say 80% of the women in my family are absolutely awful troublemakers. I can see why my mum was disheartened at having another girl in the family but I couldn’t really care less.

These sorts of things don’t bother me in the way that it may bother someone else! Bigger issues to worry about imo

I can't believe so many people from this thread are saying its OK, even normal.

My mum is from a culture where they stereotypically prefer having baby boys over girls, (it's so common there that they have banned sex-selective abortions). My grandparents used to say openly to my mum and her 5 siblings (3 of each) that boys are better and treated them differently. The trauma and messed-up-ness that I see in both my uncles and aunts (and my mum) is insane. The gendered expectations are insane. If I got a whiff of that from either set of DD's grandparents, let alone my DH I'd be going NC sharpish. I'd never let anyone make my DD feel lesser for being a girl. I'm getting enraged just at the hypothetical thought of it. That kind of trauma is lifelong.

Bloody rude of her. And hasn’t she heard that gp don’t get to choose? Silly woman.
Many congratulations on your baby girl. I bet. Your older DDs are over the moon.

It's okay for them to think having a boy would be fun for a change, but she needs to stop making negative or wistful comments to you about it. If she brings it up again, I'd probably respond with something about how you're looking forward to having another daughter, so grateful that she seems to be healthy, etc. With any luck she'll get the point and stop saying stupid things.

It's the man who decides the sex, so why is she complaining at you?

She sounds like an idiot.

what are their financial problems that are affecting you?

do you have to lend them money>

Do I owe you something? Why are you on me because I commented what my MUM had said. I came to give my experience to the OP and tell her to not let it get to her. Not sure what else you want from me

I would honestly not let it bother me. Is her opinion actually worth anything to you?

It really pissed me off when I was pregnant with my third after having 2 girls, people would suggest we were trying for a boy! We only wanted a baby, especially after 2 miscarriages. When The Son did pop out, we were obviously delighted but a little bit sad too that we weren't getting to have another daughter! Even the midwives went on and on about how great it was that I'd "got my boy"!!!

Just ignore her.

Jesus some of the replies on here!

“Don’t let them near the baby!” “Cut contact!”

Are you all for real.. I really doubt MIL meant anything mallicious in it and I wonder if MIL might of went on to say anything positive but the OP is just homing in on the negative?

The attitude towards in laws on MN never fails to amaze me.

Chin up, grandma - she might turn out to be a total butch!

id say to MIL, I'm so disappointed in your reaction to us having a healthy baby girl, I find it so very hard to hear that its what you said you'd prefer her to be a boy.

You could add

I guess you won't make the effort with this granddaughter either, but its your loss

Unfortunatly when you have two of the same sex and then are expecting a third child, almost everyone seems to think you should be disappointed in a third the same, so try to find ways to ignore the comments.

Is your MIL usually a loving grandmother? If so, let this go because she will probably change once the baby arrives. My grandmother was really hoping I would have a girl for my third child after two boys. But when the baby arrived, she adored her youngest great-grandson just as much as the other two.

She's made it clear she thinks OPs baby is less than why would you allow that child to be around such a nasty sentiment

Are you actually serious? You would stop a grandmother seeing her grandchild because of a throwaway comment you've taken offence over. Really?

And another one. Seriously, would you really cut contact and stop you daughter having a relationship with her grandma over that? How utterly, utterly self-obsessed and selfish.

Apologies…
I meant to say MIL wanted girls!

Perhaps you need to point out it's your husbands sperm that denotes the sex and nothing to do with you op.

Tell MIL that it's her son that determines the sex!! 🙃

Ask if her parents were disappointed that she was a girl

@MammaTo · Today 15:28

Jesus some of the replies on here!

“Don’t let them near the baby!” “Cut contact!”

Are you all for real.. I really doubt MIL meant anything mallicious in it and I wonder if MIL might of went on to say anything positive but the OP is just homing in on the negative?

The attitude towards in laws on MN never fails to amaze me.

Are you having a laff mate? The MIL is toxic! And it IS malicious what she said. If you think any different, you are deluded.

Sounds like you are a MIL who prefers boys.